I know that the Bible says we should not forsake assembling together with believers but I don't have any reason to go to church.

They look down on me. They do not reach out to my kids. The humiliation of my ex's sin has made them all steer clear of us. Then when I get angry, they feel justified.

I have tried several churches in the area and it is all the same. The gossip follows me of what my ex did and they just keep me at a distance. There is no hope of fellowship. No hope of anything. If I want to study the Bible, I can do it better at home alone. What is the point of church if all it does is cause pain? I am tired of them shooting me and acting like if I am divorced, then its 50% my fault.

Not all churches are like that. Keep looking for one that truly follows Christ.

My church was such a wonderful support to me through the whole disastrous end to my 26 year marriage. People came and picked me up to make sure I got out.

I had my own car, but they knew I needed them to reach out to me. They sent me cards and gave me gifts, mostly they all prayed for and loved me and my kids.

Please dont give up. You really need the fellowship a good church can give you.
Smiles,
Dawn

P.S. what area do you love in?

Shame that has happened. I mean you go to church to feel safe not judged! What a bunch of hypocrites. Here they are going to church for God and to worship his word and then go against what is being preached and to turn on you when you are seeking God's unconditional love? God is no dumby. LOL these people will have a rude awakening. Why go to church?
You know what? Find a church that you like, sit in the way back and leave right at the end before every one else leaves. Forget the social part of it. Go for you and your time to study your bible.

But do you live in such a small town that everyone knows what your W. did? You also have to have the "who cares" attitude. This is about you..not what your wife did. If you stand up to them and show your face with an "I don't care what you think" attitude, you will not be tomorrows gossip. Sorry that these people are so insecure with their lives to be wasting their time gossiping on a marriage that needed their support and prayers. That is what my congregation does.

Ali~

I don't think there's anything wrong with taking some time off from church, as long as you don't forsake continued study.

The churches that you're referring to will answer for their condemnation.

Perhaps trying a different town, or a completely different denomination might be a good idea, or perhaps a nice little "country" or community church out in the sticks.

Just don't let it slip completely. And there are *lots* of online resources you can do, to keep building your faith.

Although learning more about God and the Bible is a valuable activity, I believe that God set up the Church to live and work in community. It is important to "gather together" with other Christians for such purposes as encouragement and admonition and accountability and service.

However, I became extremely disillusioned with the Church as an institution about ten years ago and concluded that, at least in the United States for this generation, many if not most of the churches are just plain broken. God uses them with all their flaws, just as He uses us as individuals with all our flaws. But so often it seems that churches do more harm than good.

If attending church is a destructive experience for you, I would at least encourage you to see if you can develop relationships with some mature Christians who can serve as your community.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by createdinGod'simage:
<strong> I know that the Bible says we should not forsake assembling together with believers but I don't have any reason to go to church.

They look down on me. They do not reach out to my kids. The humiliation of my ex's sin has made them all steer clear of us. Then when I get angry, they feel justified.

I have tried several churches in the area and it is all the same. The gossip follows me of what my ex did and they just keep me at a distance. There is no hope of fellowship. No hope of anything. If I want to study the Bible, I can do it better at home alone. What is the point of church if all it does is cause pain? I am tired of them shooting me and acting like if I am divorced, then its 50% my fault. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't know how to apply percentages, (and I really doubt God does when he looks on us) but we are ALL sinners and have ALL fallen short of the glory of God.

So when you feel judged about the divorce, look at the person and say, yes, I did some things wrong, and I'm so glad that God can and does forgive all sinners who seek his forgiveness. Then tell them of the blessing of being free from the burden of guilt because you have been forgiven.

You can only feel guilty if you let them. Humans may want to assign blame, but you need only worry about what God thinks, and He sent Jesus to wash away all sin, not just a select list of special sins.

I'm not saying to be proud, just be confident in God's forgiveness.

T

I have sort of a different take on this church thing. While I believe we are to gather together as believers to strengthen US, I believe a primary reason to attend church is to worship HIM. It's not all about what it can do for us.

I've been in a church were I was not so much looked down on, but more just ignored. That was 12 years ago, when I separated from my now XH the first time he had an A. We'd attended as a couple for years, and I don't think anyone knew what to say, so they said nothing. I left the church.

I am now in a church that has been very caring and loving when I attend. They talk to me. They hug me. They have prayed for me.

However, Sunrise, it sounds like you have a WONDERFUL church. The support from mine ends the minute I walk out the door. It was awkward last spring, when my husband moved out and at the same time a fellow church member's wife died unexpectedly. We are both similar in age and both are now single parents of teenage kids.

For him, the church stepped up like they always do and send cards, scheduled people to bring them daily meals for like three weeks, and just basically pampered him. Don't get me wrong--I think that was wonderful! But they did nothing for me--no calls, no meals, no visits or picking me up and taking me out--no anything. Why? Because Christians' marriages aren't supposed to break up, so churches don't know how to treat them when they do.

However, I still attend this church. I attend for me--to revive and re-energize for the coming week (because on the weeks when I skip, it gets easier and easier to pull further from God and sink deeper into the "world"). But I also attend because it is one focused time per week when I can truly worship God.

Yes, you can worship by a lake. You can worship in your car. You can worship while doing dishes. But I think it's easy to get consumed by daily activities and to put God second. Going to church is an act where I can show him that I am putting him first at that moment.

That's my take on why it's important to go.

LL

While I think finding the right church for you is good, it may just take time. It was awkward for me at first in my church. My pastor and close friends were supportive, but others were critical as they only saw the side of my ex that sang in church and knew hundreds of Bible verses.....not the hypocritical abusive side. It hurt when someone would come up and say "I'm praying for you two to get back together" when they didn't know that not only was he abusive but I'd discovered he was a pedophile. I didn't attend church much the first 6 months after I left my ex. Some people still avoid me, but that's their problem. When I remarried, I did NOT have a church wedding for that very reason.....it would have been too awkward. We had a small home wedding and only invited people we really wanted. It was nice, the church has welcomed my new H with open arms. But, it's been 3 years, so people have forgotten all the nastiness.

Hang in there, people will forget and you will be part of church again.

Hi, CIGI-

I agree with what I've read on this thread so far. First, church is about worshipping HIM. Trust me, I know what it's like not wanting to go to church for various reasons. But if we waited to "feel like" doing what we're commanded to do, I, for one, wouldn't get much accomplished.

Second, have you thought about what you may be able to do for someone else? I know you're hurting. But there may be someone there who needs you - your encouragement, faith, whatever your spiritual gifts and talents are. Pick 10 people and probably all of them have some problem to endure. Maybe you can help them through their trials.

And what about your kids? The church may not be reaching out to them as you said, but do you really want to create a model of not going to church that follows them into adulthood?

Although you've run into a string of unpleasant churches, other posters were right that not all are that way. How does the "gossip" get around the congregation? Is the situation well known where you live? You may have to go to a church out of your community where no one knows you for a while, so you won't have to worry about the rumor mill.

My church is great (in suburban Philadelphia if you live near here). It's a contemporary church full of bright, sunny people - even on the days I'm not feeling too sunny myself.) I found a good one after a long search. One church was dry as a tinderbox, one was more of a social hour for snobs, and at one other the pastor actually blabbed what I told him about my husband TO my husband! Pray that you're directed to the one for you.

All the best,

Too

OK Kinda off topic but if you all want to hear a great preacher, watch Joel Osteen. He is on TV and has a book. So check with your local stations. He is awesome. I love hearing him speak because he puts God into this life time. Oh just read the book or watch him on tv. I know you all will be hooked. He has a website too! Look him up! I dare ya! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Ali~