Posted on General Board too.

Had the D talk this weekend. WH doesn't feel we have any other option. He has not been willing to work on our marriage. He does go to MC with me but I think our MC would rather see us D than for me to stay with a "passive aggressive" man.
My WH thinks there has been too much hurt over the years to recover from, doesn't believe that I can change my habits of verbally abusing him. He really fears coming home because it will be the same and he can not live through being hurt any more. All I can do is tell him that I love him, and show him that I am truely working on myself. He is also afraid that he will lose his little apartment to someone else if he moves back home.

I know in my heart that divorce makes sense because once again he refuses to participate, blames everything on me and stone walls every step towards reconciling. He even told me this week that after the last time we had SF he realized he was just using me. Here I am thinking that continued SF was supposed to bring people closer because of all the brain chemistry and that acting loving towards your spouse is supposed to make them feel that back...huh??? Am I stupid for wanting this man?

His latest is that he got angry when I started providing him with info about divorce in our state. He doesn't believe that attorneys require a retainer. He can't believe the audacity of the state law that child support is based on ALL EARNED income before taxes. He deosn't realize that if he wants his CS payments to be lower then he has to have the kids for more time, which means he needs more than a pullout couch for them.
He says I am using the law against him and he thinks we can work out some type of "gentleman's agreement".

Anyhow the man point of this post is WHY CAN"T I LET GO!!!! I cried so hard when he finally said that he felt we should D. I can't get over the idea of him having a new life with someone else. Especially him taking a new love to the family summer house, where we go as a family and have made so many memories. I was the only woman he ever took there!!! The property is not marital and I will lose that. I can't stand the thought of going out and seeing him with someone else...this is the crux for me. I don't now how to deal with this. Last night he had dinner with me and DD's, then we played games. How can I stop wanting those times to continue. I feel I am at my emotional lowest. It would be easier if I moved to a different city/state. I don't think I can handle still having him in my life without really being together. Going to post this on the D board as well.

Wow. ((hug)) to you. Sounds like my stbx as well. At least yours went through the motions of going to counseling and "trying." My stbx came to a point one day that it was over. "what is the point in trying, there is just too much to overcome." He is/was also passive-agressive. We do have a close to 50/50 arrangement with the kids, so that will reduce his cs obligations when things get official.

How to let go, I am still working on that myself. I do well when I get myself to the gym regularly and make plans with friends. I, like you, know that the D makes sense but have trouble with the "should have's."

I feel like this frequently also. My H has told me that life was "unbearable" with me, but of course never let on about that until he actually told me he was leaving. As much as he has hurt me, and I know that I must move on without him, I still cry often and wish things could work out. I truly still believe that we belong together, even though he has moved 2 hours away, rarely sees/calls his kids, and has basically given up his entire "old"life.

SO while I have no advice, I'm just here to say that you are not alone, and it's been a year for me and while it still definitely SUCKS every day, it doesn't suck as badly as it did 6 months ago.

cm