I have been married for 19 years. About 18 mos. ago my wifes mother passed away. Since that time she has progressively gone into depression. 11 months ago she told me she no longer loved me. She has been diagnosed with depression and has been put on medication. I have been giving to her for over a year without any kind of return. I have followed Dr. Harley's book and have been making countless deposits into her account. We have even been going to a counselor together for 6 months. Unfortunately she still does not respond to me emotionally or physically. I have tried to talk about it with her, as has the counselor, but she says she doesn't know why she can't love me. I am not sure if it's the depression or somthing else that keeps her from falling in love with me again. Is there any one who has experienced trying to win the love of a depressed spouse? I am desperate. She did mention divorce about a year ago but hasn't said anything of late. Help <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

That is a difficult spot. I am facing a similar circumstance, exacerbated by my own depression as well. I was doing some research at WebMD the other day, educating myself on the effects of the disorders and there's wide belief that men and women experience and deal with depression differently. I copied the following and sent to myself because it was so telling:

From WebMD (click here for full article):

"Ellen Leibenluft, MD, a psychiatrist and mood disorder investigator at the National Institute of Mental Health ... says it may be no accident that women in distress tend to weep and withdraw, while distressed men tend to lash out in anger."

But one of the things that's common to men and women are that we're both reluctant to get the proper help for ourselves, due to stigmas about mental health, or a refusal to admit that drugs and/or psychotherapy are necessary or of value (among other things).

My wife and I are not out of the woods by a long shot. However, I have been awakened and understand that for my own survival (whether that includes my wife or not doesn't matter) getting the proper help is essential. Because I want to keep my marriage intact ... it's doubly essential.

Best of luck to you and your wife.

My problem is that my husband is on Prozac, an anti-depressant. Our marital problems started about one year after he got on the Prozac. He has agoraphobia (fear of public places, of being alone). I stayed with him 24/7 for years but then he wanted to go to law school and I said that I was not going to class with him and I was not going to sit in the car outside his classroom.
Agoraphobia causes panic attacks so my husband's doctor, also his friend, put him on Prozac. At first, I thought Prozac was a wonder drug but now my husband has had an affair, acts as though he is invincible, is emotionless except for anger, is bouncing checks (he's a CPA and a lawyer), has stomach and heart problems, sleeps all the time, and was told that he could not teach Sunday School any longer because of the things he was telling the students. Be very careful of anti-depressants. You need to do extensive research on these drugs because the doctors are paid well to prescribe these medications. If your spouse is on an anti-depressant, I'll bet you anything it has caused her to become emotionless.

Married 28 years
one son-age 19

I don't know what is wrong w/ my w but I was told that my w. isn't in love w/ me. There was someone else in my case but only EA. It is very hard to deal w/ and I have been doing it for only 4 weeks. You are incredibly strong person to hang in as long as you have. I have learned very quickly that you have to take care of yourself. Don't take what she says at face value. It is not your w you are dealing w/. The hardest thing for me is not being able to help her come to terms with her problems. I imagine it is the same for you. You want to fix things & make them better. I have wrestle with this every moment since I found out. I can only pray that I can hang in there like you have. She is lucky to have you. I will pray for strength, patience and understanding for you. You are not the only one out there & things will get better for you.