After 10 yrs of marriage, I realise I don't love my hubby at all...I'm 33 y-o now with 2 kids( 2&4 y-o), and admit I was not making the right choice and decision 10 yrs. Now I want to make it right, I want to start my journey to find love again.

I want to move on, but he does not, fearing that the divorce will have adverse impact on the children.

I'm looking for topic where I can study and analyse how to minimise the impact on young kids and resolve this issue of mine. I still want to move on and enjoy my life with my children and keep everything in its harmony.

He is asking me to forget abt and idea of divorce and live with my unhappiness. I don't think this will solve the issue. I want to face it and find best solutions for all parties, with no one sacrifice.

At this stage, I feel that I still have freedom to choose the one I love. Why I should I stick to the mistake I made? I want to make it right for my life. I feel like I've wasting my life away. Now that I want to live life again. Am I selfish? Don't I have the right to choose my life at any point in life?

<small>[ February 23, 2005, 01:22 AM: Message edited by: LiveLife ]</small>

Sure, but you also have to live with the choices you make.

Taking it to a bit of an extreme, you told your H, "I'll always love you" (assuming somewhat traditional vows), and now, you've just lost the feeling.

You say the same things to your kids. At least until you "lose the feeling". Are you going to leave them too?

It would seem like integrity would come into play here. Flit from H to H (always minimizing the damage of course), whenever the bloom is off the rose?

I find it ironic to be talking on a Marriage Builder site to somebody looking for a way to get out of it.

The "live with your unhappiness" comment is interesting, although I have not read any of your other posts, so perhaps there's a life story in there that explains it all.

Is there something else that you're not telling us? Do you want to leave because your H is not meeting your needs? Perhaps you should try to fix what is wrong with your M before looking for something else to make you happy.

C

((LiveLife))

There seems to be a WHOLE lot of this story that you are not telling us. Why is your marriage in the state that it’s in right now?

If you say “””I realize I don't love my hubby at all...””” and then say “””I feel that I still have freedom to choose the one I love.””” I say why not choose to love your husband? But again, I don’t know what the problems of the marriage are.

Now if you think that you’re going to leave this marriage and find a “soulmate” and life is going to be wonderful and everybody will live in harmony blah, blah, blah, blah then I must inform you that you are sadly mistaken. Relationships require constant attention and work otherwise resents will compound until one finds themselves in the place you are right now. So what is preventing you from keeping your family together?

“””Now I want to make it right, I want to start my journey to find love again.”””

How does finding a new man make anything right? Again not know circumstances the RIGHT thing to do would be to honor your vows. Get help if y’all need it.

”””I want to move on, but he does not, fearing that the divorce will have adverse impact on the children.”””

Outside some special circumstances, he’s pretty much right. Tearing apart the fabric of a family will have consequences and unfortunately to many times it’s the children that will have to pay them.

”””I'm looking for topic where I can study and analyze how to minimize the impact on young kids and resolve this issue of mine.”””

What issue of yours?

“””I still want to move on and enjoy my life with my children and keep everything in its harmony.”””

Uhhhhhh aren’t they his children, as well? And I have to ask where does the word “harmony” come from? And I mean this seriously because it helps with understanding you a little, is this from a religious belief or something?

”””He is asking me to forget about and idea of divorce and live with my unhappiness. I don't think this will solve the issue. I want to face it and find best solutions for all parties, with no one sacrifice.”””

WOW…. Still not knowing circumstances, divorce rarely “solves” anything and in my humble opinion is pretty much the opposite of “facing” your problem. Many of us here are divorced because our spouse couldn’t face their problem. Oh and sacrifice, that’s life. You have children you are going to have to sacrifice. In a marriage both parties make sacrifices to seek a balance in life and in love.

”””I want to make it right for my life.”””

Again, need more information.

“””I feel like I've wasting my life away.”””

If you choose to take that attitude then yes you are.

“””Am I selfish?”””

Without knowing the detail I would say that you are being EXTREMELY selfish.

“””Don't I have the right to choose my life at any point in life?”””

I tell you what, why don’t you give your kids to your husband and go seek that harmony you want. And sure you have the right to do whatever makes you feel good but you also have a little thing called responsibility based upon the choices you’ve made in life. And I have to ask what are your husbands rights? What are your children’s rights? Don’t they have the right to grow up in a loving two-parent home?

Bump

Hay Livelife,

People like you may me sick to the belly and tooth..you give up on life because it suits you to do so.This is a self centred attitude that you should drop at marriage. Marriage is a bond that should be respected.. loose that respect and you loose repect for everything that yoy say or do.Ypu choose to give youreself to this man for better or worse.. things get alittle tough and you quit and run! You have to live with the with the choices you make. I gues you will alwaus love yyour kids .. until it suits you to loose the feeling .. yeh better Leave them too?

I'm sorry to be so harsh .. but I am trying to shake sense into you before you damage peoples lifes.

I was not so fortunate and my wife has already don the damage!!

I'll just say this: After 20 years of marriage my H decided he wanted to D. He too wanted it to not be damaging, but it is. He too said he'd been unhappy for many years (he didn't share that with me) & wanted the chance to love again.

Just be carefull not to rewrite history. It's only justification for the damage this will cause.

He is my stbx & is now living his "new life". Though he sees the kids a lot they want our family back & who can blame them. H is selfish & wants what he wants regardless. He was unwilling to go to competent a MC. Yes, he will see our boys, yes, he will pay child support & alimony & divide up assets. Does that make up for breaking up our family? Not in my opinion.

<small>[ February 26, 2005, 06:11 PM: Message edited by: nam ]</small>