Today WH picked up our 6 month old son to take him for the full weekend for the first time.
He's been gone living with the OW since our son turned 3 weeks old.
I'm working full time + and trying to keep some sort of a social life in addition to taking care of my son. I figure this way I'm having a full life even without my WH.
Problem is, everytime I think I'm getting stronger something derails me.

Recently my WH was given the option to resign from his job or face prosecution for extortion.
This was something I had absolutely NOTHING to do with.
Well his atty. calls my atty. saying that it was my fault he had to resign because I set him up.
His boss and boss' wife are friends of mine.

Then he leaves a msg. on boss' vm saying he was going to contact me to see if I wanted to reconcile and go to marriage counseling!

NOT TRUE.

I sort of fished around for him to tell me about it and he says: "I don't know if she'll [ow] keep me." & "It's just that my life is so screwed up right now. I may get myself into some sort of counseling someday."

Totally opposite of what he told his boss. I heard the vm myself. His boss called me and played it for me over the phone.

Plus, he owes me 328.00 but says he has no $, LIE.

He has $. He's waiting for March 18th when we go back to court to have the judge declare that he no longer has to give me 264.00 a month for the mortgage. He thinks he'll get out of the backpay he owes.

WHY THE HECK DO I STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR THIS GUY?

Yeah, it's been 12 years of marriage.

Yeah, we had a son together and then he leaves suddenly 3 wks later.

Yeah, he took me for thousands & thousands of dollars over the years that I can do nothing about now.

But for some stupid reason I'm still totally attracted to the guy and have feelings for him.

Why?

He has put me through total hell. He's been living with the skank he calls his significant other for almost 6 months now.
And now they get to play house with my son overnight! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Why can I not seem to get over my feelings for him?

I'm still very angry. You'd think I'd hate him or something, not be attracted to him.

What the heck is my problem and how do I get over it?

Sorry, double post <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ March 01, 2005, 01:47 PM: Message edited by: LetSTry ]</small>

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Thanx for your reply Letstry.

I cleaned my house this weekend - something that I don't always have time to do.

A lot of the time though I had a huge sinus headache and spent it in bed. I guess I should be glad that my little one was being taken care of elsewhere so I could rest. I'm really disappointed though that I didn't have a stellar weekend being that they had my son.

He dropped him off and said that he had "a new respect for" me. Ha! He said our son only got up once in the middle of the night, and that was on a weekend. I told him he had it easy. Try getting up with him 3-4 times a night on a weeknight when you have to work a full day the next morning. I think he may have been lying to me about it. If he only got up once, then why would he say he had a newfound respect for what I do? Right?

I still have a REALLY hard time with the fact that he left me for her. I'm sorry you still have hard days after 4 years. That really really scares me. I don't want to feel this anger and hurt anymore much less years from now.

How do we recover?

People keep saying that with time it will get better. I don't know if that's true. Why would just time make it better? He still left me 3 weeks after giving birth for another woman. That will never change. Plus, I hate seeing him now live in a better place and drive around in her 35,000 SUV and spend $ - when I struggle just to make ends meet because of HIS poor choices.
IT's so unfair!
Grrr.

I hate this!

I can't wait until I can post something saying how much better off I feel.

I really hope that happens, and soon!

It just takes a ton of time to get over it. I too struggle with the same things. I think I am doing really great and then something weird will strike me like watching happy loving couples in line at a burger place or the grocery store....it does get easier over time. You do heal and you do realize that it was nothing to do with you. In the end, I am sure it is much easier with her than it would be with you.

Sorry you are here... we are all struggling.. stay strong...

lostinspace1

Thanx Karen. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I just wish there were a fast forward button I could push to get through this.

But support from you guys here will sure help!

I wish you strength too.

No its not fair but I have confidence those wronged will come out much farther head than those doing the wronging when all is said and done.

There are other good people out there. Surround yourself with them instead of people that should come with a warning label...

Miker

Tess, Just to reassure you, I don't have bad DAYS anymore, just moments. I've been going through a long, drawn out divorce for several years so I sometimes still get triggered. And, that said, I don't think time heals by itself without learning about ourselves and growing stronger. Either we grow through pain or become bitter and miserable. IMHO, growth is basically taking responsibility for our own lives, not living as victims. Being a single mom of a 6-month old, you can't help but grow stronger!

Now I'm really embarrassed, I edited the wrong post <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> .

<small>[ March 01, 2005, 01:49 PM: Message edited by: LetSTry ]</small>

Why the heck do I still have feelings for this guy?

I do not understand the anser to that question, but I sure understand the question. I have asked myself that same question about ten thousand times about my Husband. Sometimes I wish I could buy a pill that would just make me stop caring and having feelings for him. That would definitely make life easier and less painful.

Letstry - I'm glad it's only moments now and not days for you !

I like Mikers idea - put big ole' warning stickers on all of the jackarses out there. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

My husband told me that he may be getting a great job better than the one he had before. (Good for him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Plus, that just means more child support for me.)

He told me that when Cheryl tells him she loves him he just smiles at her and sometimes winks.

Yeah, right. He actually expects me to believe THAT? He is so careful to "grease her wheel" as he puts it, there is no way he isn't going to say he loves her back.

Then he mentions reconciliation and that he thought I shot it down.
I don't know how to feel.
When things were great he left me for Cheryl.

Now since he's been allowed to resign or go to jail for extortion and owes 10,000 in restitution to his former employer and has said that he quit his band which was doing REALLY well, (I don't know if I believe it,)and I'm now down to a size 5 and looking pretty darn good - NOW he's talking reconciliation.

Hmmmm? Seems a little convenient don't you think?


(I have to be careful. I still have feelings for him and haven't had SF in months so it's a tuffy.)