Hi.
I wanted to reply to your post in the other thread about still having feelings for your X -spouse after a long time period.
You had said that he wanted to come home back in June but because he wouldn't commit to NC and help with the drinking you denied it.
Now you wonder if it could've been put back together and if the divorce is your fault.
I totally understand your feelings!
The morning my husband left and said he wanted a divorce I had called the police on him for grabbing & whipping me out of his car and pushing me in the face. He had spent the previous 24hrs with "a friend." and we argued when he finally came home and lied to me.
There were times he said " If you hadn't of called the cops I'd probably still be here."
I struggled with that question of ' what if? ' too.
But you know, If your WH would've come home and continued to contact OW and still drank - you'd be miserable still.
You did the right thing.
I did the right thing.
We can't just let them do whatever the heck they want and use us as doormats just to keep them around.
Sometimes I wonder if the misery of having him home but still being "abusive" in different ways would be easier than the misery and pain of being in this situation alone while he and his skank seemingly are building this great new life together.
You know what? Don't believe it. I have to keep telling myself that it would NOT have been better to have him use me as a doormat just to keep him home.
Things would've just gotten worse.
I believe that for you too.
Just think - could you go through all that pain a second time when he would come home and say a year later would wander and leave again?
I couldn't.
This has been the worst kind of hell I've ever been through and never want to have to do it again.
(I know you struggle with how you look from your many posts. Don't let the enemy tell you that your looks had anything to do with his wandering at all.)
Statistically men who cheat cheat with women who are not as good looking as their spouse.
Really!
It's totally true in my case as well. I don't understand it, other than the fact that with her he doesn't have much responsibility and basically she worships the ground he walks on.
She's fat and ugly - but I guess her worship really must do something for his ego.
She chased him for a year and a half before he moved out of our home and in with her.
A year and a half!
(Not to mention she knew he was married to me for 12 years and we were having our first child - SKANK)
Maybe by putting up with your X's crap she does something for his ego or makes him feel like he's doing nothing wrong.
If these women ever get a clue they'll break it off with our husbands and they'll have to move on and find the next insecure woman who'll worship at their feet.
I talked to a social worker who said that men like my husband don't change unless they go through some sort of major counseling to help them change.
What he did to you - he will do to her, in time.
( I wait for that too. I want her to suffer worse than I did.)
It's not fair that I did all of the paying for years and now she reaps the rewards. I can't wait until she gets whats coming to her; the fat skank.
You can see that I still have some work to do on myself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
It's just that I saw my husband this morning when he picked up our baby and it was hurtful.
My heart is on my sleeve this morning.
