Hello,
I'm new to this forum so bare w/me. I'm in the middle of a divorce still months away from final. we just seperated (again)in dec.04. and he's already seeing someone new since january. while it doesn't bother me he seeing someone it bothers me cause i have 2 small children who are being exposed to this new friend. and we aren't even divorced yet! he didn't even give them time to adjust to this.... total lack of respect for the children. would love to hear from someone w/ this problem too or advise anything...

Hi,

I'm sorry to hear that. Unfortunately it seems to be common. If you read through General Questions II in the infidelity area you'll see lots of cases about spouses exposing their kids to terrible things. My story is one of them.

But in regards to your question. Yes it is too soon. I'm sure your soon to be X won't listen to you though. I'd suggest that you convince him to either read some books about this, or talk to a professional about it.

But just to forewarn you. I did all the above and also told my WW that there was potential for the kids to hate her if she introduced her boyfriend. She still decided to introduce them to him one weekend when I was out of town without telling me.... GRRRR! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

My thoughts are with you.

Miker

thanks miker
i can't talk to him about anything he yells and screams about everything. in fact 2 weeks ago he told me he hopes i rot in hel* and the birds feed off my body. because i have temp full custody. his new friend spent the whole weekend over at his apt. with MY KIDS !!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Did your kids say anything to you about Daddy's new friend?

Mine approached me the day I got back in tears said that "Mommy was wanting to be around this guy all the time on the weekend and it made her really uncomfortable...".

That really upset me that she didn't even talk to them about it first but I'm really proud of my daughter for telling me her feelings.

After that my daughters and I had to have a little chat about Mommy's "friend".

If you XH is unreasonable you might also talk to your lawyer and see if there is anything you can do legally to prevent that from happening.

Miker

yes, they tell me all about the g-friend.she also has a 5 year old. so the girls play w/her child. the ow has also been taking them places like chucky cheese and buying them clothes .things he has no money for. i've been thinking about telling my laywer about this . cause we've only been seperated since dec. and he started seeing her in jan. my 5 yr old tells me "i keep telling daddy not to do this anymore". it makes me so upset- the emotional stress he's putting on them.


nik

Yeah you'd think in the small amount of time they spend with they're kids they would actually want to spend it with THEM and not the other person. Totally selfish. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I told my WW that I thought the kids would prefer to spend the small amount of time she spends with them, with her alone and not with this other guy sharing her attention. Not sure whether it will do any good or not though. She didn't respond although she was in tears by the end of our conversation, so I'm praying something clicked.

Good luck and I'll keep you posted on how things turn out with me.

Miker

anyone ever have the problem of when their children get back from the ex's and the kids are so upset and emotional it's hard to deal with them?? mine came back last night and were crying about everything. today they didn't want to listen to me then they were mad, then they'd cry about anything. i know it's cause my stbxh let's them do whatever they want to. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> i know he's not paying attention to them cause my 5 yr old said to me last night mommy will you play w/me because nobodys played with me all weekend. (meaning (h) didn't pay attention to her. )aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh

I think you just have to take the high road.Be there for your kids.Keep a journal for your lawyer and get counselling for your kids. Do not insult their dad in front of them as you are insulting 50% of them.Things will work out in the end. I am going through the same thing. Kids are smart they will figure it all out eventually.

i do keep a journal. i never say anything about their dad in front of them. just nod my head and say oh ok.... i'm trying to protect them from the crap he does . and i can't do anything about it on his weekends and 1 day a week. and it sucks

I'm sorry that this is happening. How very sad. Is there anyway you can talk to your attorney?

My ex married his ow and the first year the girls didn't even know about her. After that he told them about her and they met her but they continued to go to his mom's house for visits or he would stay there when it was an over night thing. When my ex moved back in town and brought the ow with her 2 kids all hell broke lose with my girls. it'll be 3 years ago since they moved here and it's just now getting settled.

When my ex married the ow a year in a half ago they had a very hard time of it. My oldest cried for 3 days. There are times my youngest still cries that she wished her dad never left, but she doesn't understand she was only a year in a half old when he left.

Let your children talk it out, comfort them, try to help them cope with it. Is it possible for them to go to counseling?

<small>[ March 01, 2005, 06:52 AM: Message edited by: Enchantedlady ]</small>

I do not know how hostile the relationship is but, you might want to make a scrapbook of the good memories (for example is he ever took them fishing or sat next to them at one of their Birthday Parties) and give one to each kid and one to him. Maybe put a small positive note in it about How the kids adore him and always will and that the time and attention he gives to them means so much to them. If you can help him see himself as a good Dad he is more likely to act like a good Dad. And you do not have to do it for him just do it for the sake of your kids.Having a Dad that shows them love and sttention will help there self confidance and esteem for a lifetime.

thanks to all who have responded.
maybe sometime i'll share my whole story with all of you but it would take many many pages...

Sugranik...


we are good friends and you know i am always here for you!!!

hang in there and we will get through this I promise