Hello, my first post here. I have been separated for 3 months as of yesterday. My wife went out last night to celebrate it with her new soulmate(her words). She knew him for a year and a week before I moved out from our family home and our three kids, she told him she was his as soon as I moved out.I am going to counselling and am fighting for shared custody as she wants to move our children to be with him over an hour away. The kids do not want to move and she has softened her stand on moving but that may be posturing for the courts.I cannot figure out if she is rebounding and heading for disaster or is really happy. I do not think she has dealt with the end of our marriage. I know I have not but am working on it.I am not innocent here either, I realize(now)I was not providing her with the emotional intimacy that we both needed. I feel ripped off that we never had counselling. I think any chance of that was ruined by her third party relationship and before that her friends. I am not saying my wife is gullible but she has one really warped girlfriend that I was warned about years ago. This women did not like me and I believe helped my wife"see the light".Put lies of me seeing other women in her head and how life would be so much better finding someone new as opposed to working through our 18 year relationship. Her other best friend left her husband a month after her. Are these friends really being supportive and helping them see what they really want or are they poop disturbers who are destroying families? Too bad we never went to counselling because after only three months apart, I see where I have grown and what she needed. I feel stupid not seeing while in the marriage.Too late to explain it now as the new guy is in the pic. I cannot figure out if she has burned me from her life for good or will she be knocking on my door in six months. I know I have to move on with my life for myself and our kids.

GB,

Sorry that u find yourself here.

I can't say that any of my true friends ever encouraged me to D my H, but my family has been on the "kill the M" bandwagaon since DDay.

It is sad that so many people have no respect for M & feel like it is no big deal to tell someone to end a committment they made before God, one that often involves children, who will be hurt because of this as well. Most times these people just feel "misery loves company" or just like having that much influence over another person. IMO a true friend would not encourage someone to D for the reasons u stated nor would they spread lies about this person's spouse, but unfortunately this is the world we live in today, & it is really sad. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Hugs to u.

I'm sorry you find yourself here, and no it doesn't sound as if some of her friends are 'marriage' friendly.

You say you have changed, so do you treat her the way you should have now? I realize you have moved out, but do you treat her with respect when you see her?

I take it your talking to Lawyers? Have you considered mentioning to you lawyer that you would like to try six months of marriage counseling BEFORE you move forward to divorce?

If you don't believe your marriage could be saved, then I'd recommend trying that--if they say no, you have at least attempted to get it. Even if you go before the judge you stand up and say "Judge, I believe our marriage could be repaired if we go to MC" He may actually be in favor of that and delay the divorce proceedings until you have the opportunity to do so.

Even by doing that, if the judge denies the request, you know it was put out on the table, and you tried.

Have you been going to an IC for yourself? If not, I'd recommend it.

Have you gone to your wife and apologized to her for things you know YOU did wrong in the marriage?
Without blaming her for your choices?

If you are not ready for a divorce and you still want to hang in there I suggest ready books that encourage hanging in there and fighting for your marriage. This site and it's resources are awesome. There is also a Christian book about Tough Love by James Dobson you can get it at any Christian bookstore. It will give you many, many, many examples of making marriages work were outsiders encouraged divorce. You sounds like an awesome person hopefully she will realize what she is losing before it is to late. You will be in my prayers.
God Bless

We have three kids and her desires to drag them into her fantasies has made this fight for whats best for them what is important right now. She knows how hard I have taken the breakup and that I know where I went wrong. She is taking no responsibility for her part as of yet. When the opium like effect of her new relationship wears off maybe we could talk but right now its a lost cause.Divorce takes a year here in western canada so my fight is about the kids only at this time.I have apologized for my part that was before I knew about the third party.
Great support here, thank you.

Okay, for some strange reason out of the blue, she will give me shared custody of our kids and stay in town with them if I maintain reasonable financial obligations.I have apologised for being selfish in our marriage but also told her I was moving on. She is still with the other guy and wants to be. She admitted to falling out of love with me years ago. That hurts but it makes me realize its over even though a big part of me wishes it wasn't that way. I have learned from my mistakes. Hopefully we can get it signed and move on with our lives.

I am really sorry it did not work out for you two. When kids are involved ,if possible, I think it is best to try to work it out. I am glad she is being civil and that you will be able to see your kids. You are handling it well considering how hard it is. Stay Strong.

Stormy

Thank You Stormy. I sit and wait now to she if she really wants shared custody. Its been a morning for crying and praying(which I seldom ever done). I hear from so many that when a woman has stopped loving you and leaves, then its over for her.She says the man is not a rebound because of that reason. Most experts would say it was. I know she has to deal with her divorce at some time. Her fantasy man cannot do it for her.

It is good that you are praying. I would be very shocked if she does not hit a point where she deeply regrets the affair and the choices she has made. The grass always looks green from the other side and it never is. When she sees you moving on and doing good she will feel scared and wonder if she has made the right decision. And the kind of man who is okay being with a women who is married with children and a good Husband who wants his marriage to work is rarelt th efaithful kind. Most likely when the newness wares off and he sees you know longer have a interest in her he will end up cheating on her. You either have morals, values, character, and principals or you don't.