My wife and I have been happily married for 16 years. She agrees that I have given 110% as a husband.

During that time we have enjoyed a fervent and healthy sex life. I have anticipated and given in to her every want in our relationship. Some sexual encounters included her masturbating me and she does perform orally only if I request it. There have been some private digital photo sessions. She has always been positive and consenting in these sessions. Once she took photos of herself and left them awaiting my late night arrival home from work. They were poor quality and she later smiled and said, "I desperately need you to photograph and direct me." Believe me, she seemed more than willing in all of our encounters.

She was taught by her mother that sex was only something a wife did to be submissive to her husband and not something done for enjoyment. She has in the past proudly admitted she's overcoming hang-ups caused by her mother's attitude towards sex.

Our sexual encounters have in the past pretty much consisted of her laying back expecting me to do the work and she damn well better climax or I'm going to catch grief over it. She never seduces me, never strips, never wears pretty things to bed, just says "Let's play" and jumps in bed. While I haven't seen this as the perfect type of sexual encounter, it has been something I could live with without making it an issue.

She's beautiful and everyone knows I adore her.

She recently started a new job that is challenging, rewarding, exciting and fulfilling for her. She is accomplishing a lot and this is no surprise.

After a visit with a counselor, she informs me that the counselor told her she needed to be totally open and honest with me. Here's the bomb.

She informed me that she has not lied when she said she liked the photos, but has presented me with "untruths". I'm not sure I see the difference unless it's her pride not letting her utter "I lied".

She states that she will no longer participate in picture sessions because they make her feel cheap and dirty. She also states that the times she has masturbated me, she felt used and like some object. She says she only took part in this activity before to make me happy.

I have tried to discuss with her the fact that we used to believe that marriage is not 50/50, but rather 110% from both sides. I have told her I can't understand why I am still expected to comply with her every want and whim, but yet she does not desire to give me what I want in my marriage. She says she is not willing to compromise, that it will be this way or we should pursue divorce.

I'm meeting with the counselor soon and am not sure how to relay my feelings, justify my wants, or what the outcome will be.

Your thoughts please?

Welcome to the Club!!!

<small>[ January 27, 2005, 12:42 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

Just to throw my 2 cents in. I don't think she is lying as in she never enjoyed you and you're no good and it was all fake. I think what she is saying is the Sex is not fufiling to her like it is to you, meaning....Sex for women is different than the act itself, for men we need the act. Sex for women is an emotional thing first outside the bedroom. The bedroom is the final place where they want to express what happened emotionally before they entered there.

She said it makes feel cheap and dirty? Why would she say that? She's starting feel like some cheap whore.

I think its because she needs emotional expressions outside the bedroom. I feel she's talking about other emotional needs are not being met, sex to her is a final expression from all her other needs met and not the first, sex is last, its like you have to push the right emotional need buttons for it to be enjoyable to her as on this MB site, find out what they are....

Also as a man if you have reached your peak during the sexual encounters and you ejecalate and there never was any intercourse and caressing for her, yes she will feel anybody can do that for you, she then feels used and worthless.....lots of guys have their sexual pleasure roll over and go to sleep and leave the woman hanging through the night, women are looking for a marathon moment not some sprint act....

I would take this time to learn another side of your wife you didn't know that she has grown into from sixteen years ago, don't get discouraged but this is a time for outside the bedroom and in the bedroom innovation......When you were younger it didn't take much to hop in bed on a whim but as you get older sex means something else to them.

Good Luck!

Not all women would be comfortable with photos or the other stuff.She was most likely trying to please you and it made her feel bad.
Just a thought..I don't think that pornograghy portrays sex in a possitive way for women. The most natural position is the missionary one. We don,t walk on all fours so some of those positions are not as comfortable. And some women do not feel that certain parts of the body are meant to be put in your mouth.
I am pretty free and comfortable with my husband, there are things that would also feel demeaning to me that I would not do.
Your wife needs to be at ease with your sex life or their won't be any sex life in the future.

well it ain all that bad.
You could be married to ezra....drag.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ January 27, 2005, 12:43 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

MisterEasy,
My sex life is great-thank you very much. I was not refering to myself in my post, but some women. If you had read any past posts of mine-you'd know this.
By the way-my husband is 6'3" -the most handsome man around and had women throwing themselves at him constantly and married me and WAITED FOR SEX until we were married(the way its suppose to be done)
I asked him if he was concerned about not being sexually compatable-he said that as passionate as I was just kissing him, he had no doubts.
We have SF 3-6 times a week and thats with him being gone for 4-5 days while out of town working. At 48,he's like a teenager-were happy with it.
Sorry to here that you had some troubles awhile back. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
Never assume and open your mouth or keyboard to insult if you don't know what your talking about.
By the way-my husband has manners!

I KNOW TO SOME POINT HOW YOUR WIFE FEELS. I DO THINGS FOR MY HUSBAND TO MAKE HIM FEEL GOOD TOO. I HONESTLY DON'T ENJOY IT.IT COULD BE THE SIMPLEST THING LIKE WEARING A THONG, OR MORE COMPLECATED LIK CERTAIN POSSITIONS IN BED.MY HUSBAND SAYS I HATE SEX THAT'S WHY I AM NEVER IN THE MOOD.WELL TO BE HONEST I FEEL LIKE THE LACK OF THE RIGHT AFFECTION HAS MOST TO DO WITH THIS.MAYBE YOUR WIFE FEELS THE SAME WAY.I FEEL CHEAP WHEN MY HUSBAND LIKES ME TO DRESS UP OR WEAR UNCOMFORTABLE CLOTHING TOO, OR TAKE PIC.I THINK YOU SHOULD REALLY DISCUSS THIS WITH YOUR WIFE.FROM MY POINT ALL OF THIS IS PROBALY EMBARRASING AND HUMILIATING.FULLFILING FANTASIES ARE O.K.,AS LONG AS IT'S A MUTUAL FANTASY,AND A SELFCENTERED ONE.