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Its a long weekend next weekend and my in-laws are coming...i already know its going to be a weekend of hell!
Everytime my in-laws come my husband starts acting like a total jerk for a week before(more than usual)....he just totally turns on me, he puts me down, he turns everything i say into an argument, he constantly criticizes me, For example this morning I had gotten up early b/c my daughter was babysitting before school and i told the mom that i would drive her over there (its a minute drive from my house) well my H started in, saying "what are you doing? i can't believe you are doing this!Your giving up your time just to drive her for somebody else...unbelievable, what is wrong with you? and went on and on...saying you have problems" first of all its none of his damn business, second...its 1 minute that i am willing to give up for a friend to help them out...which he doesn't understand obviously..he's too damn selfish...he just flipped out on me and he's been like this all week over anything, stupid things!

When his parents arrive all his horrible behaviours towards me increase 10 fold! I don't know if i can take it!!! The last 3 times his relatives have come it has ended up with him yellling and screaming at me...in front of people, saying such things as your a whore, i can't believe you....look at you, you need help....you have real problems.....
its like when his parents are there he feels like his got 100% backup from them, that he can treat me even worse than he usually does....
it doesnt' help that his mother thinks this way too, she has said some really hurtful things to me and plays mind games with my kids......its just crazy!
I dont' know what to do......right now I am at the point that i am going to start the silent treamtment....and they will be here in two days. and to top it off months ago i had invited my cousin and new girlfriend ( i have never met yet) for thanksgiving to stay for the weekend, way before my H family invited themselves. I will be so emberassed and so hurt if he starts acting like a total jerk to me in front of my cousin!
What should i do? I have thought about it and thought i will just be as sweet as pie so he has absoloutley no reason to be mad at me, and if he does get mad, it will be crystal clear to everyone who the jerk is! i just don't know if i can do it, it will make me sick inside being so damn nice to him when he's being such an [censored]! No doubt he'll find something to get angry about.....
any advice is appreciated.......
sandy

fed up,

You are being abused, apparently that is the way your H's family is if he does it right infront and they dont say anything. I know I would not tolerate it, I dont know how you can. I have read some of your post and and it doesn't sound like anything has changed at all. Do you have someplace you can go?

As far as the weekend, you cant be a robot, and it sound like it wouldn't matter to your H anyway's. I wish I was your brother I would come over and knock some smart's into your H.

I wont even mention counceling because your H wouldn't go anyway's.

I hope you can find a safe place you can go if you need to. Please be safe.

thank you so much for replying, it really helps! and i really appreciate what you said about wishing you were my brother, man I would just love for my brother to do that!or someone other than myself to stand up to him and make him realize how Verbally abusive he is!
Your right about the councelling, he wouldn't go, he would just tell me that i'm the one with the problem...as he usually does.......
I don't have anywhere to go, i wish i did, especially since my cousin is coming over too.....i have to be there! I have decided i'm just going to make sure there is no way he can twist things around this time with his family there.....
around 4 months ago his sisters came to visit, and on the last day he was such a jerk....he started yelling at me b/c i had cleaned out my car for him to take my daughter on a field trip (she didn't want to go in his, b/c it was all dirty and full of crap and its just such an ugly emberassing car...she's 12) well i thought he wouldn't mind taking mine and he flipped, started yelling, going on and on telling me i have problems and he has just about lost it with me, all in front of his sisters, mean while his sisters are trying to leave and i'm trying to hold the tears in to say good-bye to them. I was so emberassed and hurt by that....if he does it this trip it will be the straw that broke the camels back...anyways, thanx for replying, it really does mean alot to me!

I used to have real in-law problems. They'd come to visit and I'd end up feeling like it wasn't even my house.
I finally had to tell them that I will be respected in my house and told my husband that I would no longer have anything to do with them.
It took years, but they appologized last fall and we have been slowly getting together more.
I felt no guilt about putting them out of my life as they were not behaving like family at all.
As far as your husband goes, it's your house too and you could tell him that if this visit you are insulted by him or others-they will not be welcome in your house for another visit. He can visit them at their home. You should not be humiliated in your own home, but respected.

I believe I had the in laws from hell. I was verbally abused and slurred and talked about. they would treat as if they came before me and my husband was to meet their needs first and for years he did. The only way to stop this is to stick up for yourself. I never did until I divorced and then I was able to say leave my house. my ex now realizes that it way he who should have stood up to them. Your husband needs to treat you with respect and nothing less. Maybe he feels they will love him less if he shows them how important you are in his life or maybe his father or mother taught him this behavior as a child. either way do not tolerate this. You are deserving of better and as the mother of his children how dare he do that to you.tell him if he can not treat you with respect you will leave the house at the first sign and take the children with you on a trip and he can intertain his parents himself. You might find his mother will respect you for standing up for yourself. no one can make you feel inferior unless you give them the power to do so and don't do it. you expect more for yourself.

fed up,

I wish there was a book with all the answer's, but there is not. I hope your H has never been physically abusive.

My W used to go at me to the point I knew she was trying to get me to hit her, I would just tell her it's not going to happen and walk away. My W would look dissapointed. I got to the point I didnt want to stay married any longer. But I knew I couldn't walk away, my children deserve to have a family. I started counceling. I was told I dont have a problem, my W does. My W is now taking anti-D med's, she has much better control over herself.

That was 6mnths ago. Our relationship is better, but these type's of issue's will not be resolved overnight. And you cannot fix them yourself. If your H doesnt want to get help, there is not much you can do. Your choices are limited.

Read all of MB, there is a lot of good info here. I do a combination of Plan A and Plan B, me and my W's situation is kinda outside the box, so to speak.