I'm the one that asked how come you thought it was important to remember how it felt to be in love with your spouse in order to re-capture it. I have a few other questions that I was hoping you might answer for me from the male perspective:<P>1). Do you think a man truly in love with someone else and not with his spouse would stay with a spouse who betrayed him four years earlier even if it invovled a pregnancy by om? Do you think this man would get down on his knees and kiss the pregnant stomach of the betraying spouse and say I love you and I love this baby if he did not love her?<P>2) If a man found his true love (soulmate) four years after the betrayal, would he stay with the above spouse even though they have no children. And when his soulmate unexpectedly dies, could he hide that pain so that no body has the fainstest idea that he is experincing anything? would he be able to continue working the day he finds out and every day after. Would he be out buying a computer two weeks later and going into chat rooms with the spouse who betrayed him and laughing and joking. <P>3) Can a man truly love someone whom he really never had a real relationship with-only in his head? Can he really feel head over heels with someone he never shared a kiss with or any real quality time?<P>maybe from these quesitons you can peice together a little of my history. <BR>My h. told me he can remember all the things we did as lovers but he cannot remember what it felt like to be in love with me. He has since said he can't remember saying that to me-that he does remember loving me. But I don't know what to believe. He claims he feels no passion. He says its not emptyness he feels, just a lack, and that he cares for me with all his heart and wants to love me again. Its a painful, bizzare story but I've said enough for now. Thanks for any insight

HurtingWife,<BR>Just some imput. I read about your affair on another thread and how your H worshipped you after discovery. Do you remember how you felt during that ??? Perhaps he is feeling the same way. Is it now your turn to worship the ground he walks on so that hopefully he will see the error in his ways.<P>I can sort of piece together some of what you just said but it is confusing. Maybe if you gave it as a story instead of in a question format. I would be willing to give you any perspective I can. Let me know....<P>------------------<BR>Rutger......One day at a time.<P><BR>

hurtingwife,<P>First of all, from what I can gather of your story, it sounds heartbreaking and tragic. I really don't know how I can help you -- it's so far out of my league! I'm not sure if you seriously want me to answer your questions anyway. They sound mostly rhetorical.<P>You and your husband both seem to be in ALOT of pain right now. How long ago did the OW die? How did he know this girl? It sounds to me like he totally shut out her death from his mind and buried his hurt very deeply. His experiences are so far from mine, that I just don't know what to tell you.<P>I guess the only thing TO say is that your husband is with you. He says that he cares for you with all his heart and wants to love you again. That is a very very good sign towards healing. Forget about your pasts. What happened cannot be changed. But you have the future ahead of you. Make the most of it.<P>And by all means, if you two aren't already doing it, go to a councellor. You both sound like you are going to need alot of help to get through the amount of pain you've been through.<P>I wish I could help you further...<BR>--andy<BR>