I need help. I don't want a divorce. I have been reading on this site for months. We've been married 18 years. We have three wonderful kids. I thought everything was wonderful until last spring. We started seeing a counselor right away. I couldn't figure want could be wrong? I went in to "fixit" mode. I know now that was wrong thing to do. All she would say is "I need space". Everything I tried just made it worse. We separated in June. She refused to go to the counselor together after that. In Oct she told me that she had been raped the previous summer. I moved back home for 3 weeks after she told me about being raped. Almost daily she told me how much she appreciated my support and understanding. Then one night after a big family birthday gathering she asked me to move back out. I did after alot of tears.

We continued to go separately to the same counselor until she filed for divorce the week before Christmas then I quit going. I Found out in January that she has had a boyfriend for some time.

She is a good person and I love her although I haven't told her in months. I truly believe she is protecting me from something she doesn't think I can handle or she doesn't believe I can forgive her for. We haven't talked about "us" since before Christmas. I see her often when I pick up the kids (The kids stay with me 3 or 4 nights each week.) I have read every self-help book there is. Since moving out in October I have left her alone and worked on "fixing myself". This marriage is worth saving. I am leaving out alot but I just need somebody that believes in marraige to give me some advice.

Wishbone,

You are in a very tough situation. I have some understanding of what you are going through and perhaps am feeling. My wife and I were separated for six years, but are now under the same roof. I can tell you that during the six years, our emotions were all over the map. At various times divorce seemed the best solution. For some reason we both kept working on fixing our marriage. I hope you and wife can work things out. I have you in my prayers. Finally, I wish I could offer some advice, but I not sure what may work for you at this time.

Wishbone- You are in a tough situation, it sounds like she is the one that has the work to do. When I was in high school I was date raped. It does a real number on your self image and sexual behaviors. Hopefully your wife is still in counseling. The most you can do is be there for your kids, be there to support her when you can. As a rape victim she may have a misplaced sense of guilt, that she caused it and she may not feel worthy of your love. It is not unusual for rape victims to get caught up in self destructive behaviors. Its a process she'll have to work out for herself, and there is no time table. It took me years to believe in my heart that I was worthy of love from a good man. Good luck and God Bless