After playing the "catch me if u can" game both Friday & Saturday my XH came over to see me yesterday.

We had a good, honest talk, about how we got to this point, our individual plans for the future & that doesn't include dating each other - supposedly he wants to find himself & be alone, but not stop contact with me, yet we aren't working on "us" anymore - there is no us, we are now two people who are still in love with each other but are no longer M. I am rambling I know, but bottom line is we ended up having SF & although I am not confused, I know where we stand with each other but in some ways I wish I had not gone there. I really think I need to not see or talk to him for awhile which I still can do, but do I want to, & if I don't what can I expect to come from this? Most likely nothing more than keeping myself from moving on with my life.

I don't see my IC until the 17th & don't want to tell her what happened. I know it was not a good thing & I will probably regret it even more as the days go by.

Whats done is done now though & I still have the power to say don't call me, that was my plan - emphasis on the word WAS.

{{{hugs}}}
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> we are now two people who are still in love with each other but are no longer M </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">{{{hugs}}}

Don't beat yourself about the SF ... it gets a totally different state of mind to not feel bad about that ...

{{{hugs}}}

Hey B,

I agree with Mily, don't beat yourself up about the SF thing. What's done is done and besides this is the man you are use to. I am not saying make it a habit, but let's face it old habit such as these are hard to break.

If you don't put a stop to it or at least give yourself boundaries then it might become a problem (meaning he might nto understand that it is over). Then moving on with your life might be hindered as well.

but in the meantime enjoy, enjoy, enjoy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> !!!!!

Love ya,

JT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

PS - Hi Mily!

Been there, done that.... Ouch.. IMHO the only person you hurt is yourself by not allowing yourself to heal, grieve, and recover. I did it and pretty much felt like a used piece of trash when it was over, kicked to the curb. My self-esteem was out the window, it was just a bad time.

Had I the chance to go through my divorce again, yipee, that's the only thing I would change because that was me hurting me.

I know it can't happen again, we didn't talk yesterday, I was thinking he'd call & I could have called him but I didnt.

I don't feel used cuz I wanted it too, but this no strings, see u when I see u, if SF happens it happens kind of thing I can't & won't do again & I think this is what he is thinking is gonna happen, matter of fact I know it is. We r not M anymore, not a couple, not anything to each other except an X.

I don't see him being alone for long even though he says he needs to find himself & doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone. I told him we need to let each other go, no wounds can heal, we can't individually heal if we keep contact going especially with SF involved. Plus I know I am the one who is gonna get hurt again. Not to mention I am commiting a sin by having SF with him now.

So I will have to tell him that we have to stop talking, not what I want to do but I have too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Why was I so foolish to think D would be the end of this... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Dear B,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Why was I so foolish to think D would be the end of this... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">As I told my IC, D is just another thing in the plate ...

My inability of let the M go ... well, legally is gone but not emotionally ... not while I still see hope for us ... not while he still says that he loves me ... and now that some of his actions are matching his words ... I'm more ready to fight than to let go <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />


PS - Hi JT!

Mily,

I don't even think I will tell my IC about this, she will have no understanding, just like me telling her about the lie I told XH about going out of town with a man, which he brought up the other day, it bothers him to think of me with someone else - another reason to keep me hanging in there by using SF so I don't go elsewhere for it. I wouldn't but he may, not like he didn't already.

This is all very new, I didn't think I would be in this position ever again in my life. During my first D the love was gone long before I filed so it was sooooo much easier than this time. U would think after all I have gone thru with the "A / OC / Baby Mamma Drama" & now being free of it I would be too happy to even think of still wanting to talk to him much less be with him, but as in your case I know he still loves me & that one day we may remarry but not anytime soon & right now there is no need to communicate. There is too much hurt & pain.

The M is over & I have to let go.

B,

I know I am about to be in the same boat in a few months (if he ever sings the papers). I feel like it is just to hard to communicatewith him. I can't however cut him off because we have the babies and I refuse to bring them up feeling uncomfortable with their parents. We will have to have a united front for them and I am determined to make that work without actually being attached to him.

They did not ask for this so it up to the adults to act like adults when dealing with this and them. I am just glad that you do not have kids with him so it is just a little lighter to handle.

You on that note do not have toever see him again if you don't desire to. Hey, I know that desire doesn't go away over night but it will hopefully with GOD'S help get better soon.

I am in prayer with you and for you, so keep your head up and keep your eye on the prize = A BRAND NEW LIFE!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

What GOD has in store for you next is better than the hell you have been living in!!!

Love ya,

JT

Hey JT

I know my situation is very different having no children involved & all this should be really easy, & if I had of stayed angry with him it would be, but I don't want to live with bitterness & anger so I have none in my heart for him which in turn opens the door to what happened the other day.

I know God will strengthen me to do what I need to do, he gave me the strength to D so he won't leave me now.

I am praying for u as well cuz u have to have contact with your STBXH & that makes it hard, but for the sake of your children I hope he will not make it hard for the two of u to co-parent. Your children should not have to suffer cuz of the mistakes their father made.

Love u too!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by B is free:
<strong> I don't even think I will tell my IC about this, </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Please reconsider..... That or if you ain't getting along with your IC then find another. They are there to help you drudge through all this stuff, but can't do it if you ain't honest with 'em....

LH,

U r so right, how can I really get any help out of IC if I am not honest. She is one of my Pastors at church, & we have a great relationship so I will tell her.

I need all the help I can get right now.

Thanks for your advice!

Those pastors at church...so many people use them for counselors. (Yes, I do belong to a church family where I am very involved.) But not many of them really have counseling credentials. And the one counselor who did the best job of beating me up was a Christian counselor. I spent months recovering from one counseling session.

If this counselor is not specially trained in counseling, I would look for another one.

But, that is just my opinion.

Well, I've heard a number of ministers say they aren't equipped with the knowledge and training to do much counseling.

Cinderella,

That is a very good point u made about seeking counsel elsewhere. I am definitely gonna look into it.

I have no idea if she is a trained counselor, & although I believe in her ability to give "Godly counsel" the fact that she knows me, my X & all our marital history may hinder me making any real progress with her.

I have talked to XH just about every day since we had SF last week & saw each other yesterday also, he was even talking about coming home & all the things we BOTH needed to work on to have a good marriage next time.

I told him again that I felt we needed to stop talking to each other & let each other go, take time to heal & start to move on, my head keeps telling me that but my heart won't listen. I have a piece of paper in my bible that says I am married, I have another piece of paper on my bdrm. dresser that says I am no longer married, so now I am committing a sin by having SF with him not to mention everything else that is getting all twisted up in my head & heart due to my recent actions.

I have a counseling session scheduled for Thurs. I plan to tell her everything & face the fallout, if I don't cancel my appt.

It doesn't make any sense to even go to counseling to help me deal with my divorce, when I obviously haven't accepted it & I now know that I regret it, I should have kept it on hold.

I am such a mess. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />