Hello everyone. I'm a regular poster on the PG/C board but I'm finding myself drawn to this one. I'm contemplating D. How will I know for sure if that's what needs to happen? I feel like my situation is hopeless. Please advise. Thank you!

Hi Michele,

I don't know what you have tried, or what your H has tried either.
I don't want to come across as I know the right thing to do, but only say what was right for me.

That was, going to 3 different counselors. He did come to each 1 time, saying to each the same thing, that he wanted OW.(when I say 3, one was a favor to talk to from a concerned family member who was pulling for us, another from my church, whom I later discontinued seeing and then I found the one that was most helpful for me).
I continued in counseling by myself.

I lived through 1 1/2 years with the affair in my marriage.

I had to come to the realization in my own time that there was no way to salvage the marriage.

I didn't want to believe he could throw away 18 years of marriage, but in the end, OW was all he wanted. This OW was married also. She also left her H for my now X.

The only advice I can offer is, do what you can on your part, to save your marriage.
If then it doesn't work, you will know you gave it your all.

I don't think anyone can tell you a time line, it's all in you, and I believe you will know it when you feel it.

I wish you the best.
I really think it would help you to talk to someone. It's hard, but it's very helpful.

K.

K, thanks for responding. Actually I'm starting IC sometime this week, H started last week. I guess my biggest issue right now is that we cannot work on anything (marriage or deciding not to be married) as long as OW is in the picture. H claims he is trying to pull away from her and not talk to or see her as much but IMO that's just excuses and I can't take it anymore. He's an addict, and he has to just stop but he refuses to listen to anybody (not just me but professionals as well) when it comes to that subject and I can't stand it anymore! I've put up with his excuses, his reasons, his bullsh*t, for two years now. (with this current A....there have been MANY, MANY more that I was dropped the bomb with when this current one surfaced)

Hi Michele,
I'm very glad you are going to IC.
I really think it will help you work through some things.

I'm not pro divorce by any means. I did not want to be divorced one bit.

I hesitate to say too much to anyone because I believe marriages should pull through trials.
But, both people have to want that. You the BS can't be the only one doing all the work.
That will be only for you to decide, and it will come in your own time.

I hope that this IC will help him to turn himself around.

I wish you the best.
K.