For some time, I payed more attention to my kids than to my wife. In short, the love bank is empty. Indeed, I suspect that anothers if being filled by my wife. I have no hard evidence, just lots of phone calls, an overheard conversation with the word "honey" used, and a note with only suggestive information. Should I confront her? She has told me he is only a friend. I want our relationship to work no get destoryed by my suspicions.

I don’t think confrontation is a good idea, yet.

Need more info about why you think you have no love, in wife’s love bank.

Why do you think she would WANT to or NEED to be involved with someone else.

Better to be aware of your part in potential situation first so that you can be reasonable if suspicions are correct.

Also this will give you a head start on improving things if you are right, and could help you avoid disaster even if you are wrong.

Hi Anthony, I am sorry for your obvious pain and unhappiness at the suspicions. I have to say, trust your instincts. You do indeed need to confront your wife, but be careful how and when you do it. Your M should be, at best, an open and honest relationship. That is what your goal should be. At a good time, when you have your wife's attention, tell her about your concerns. Don't accuse. Let her know how you feel about her, what you feel you may have done wrong by way of letting her down (spending too much time with the kids, you mentioned) and that you want to improve your marriage and make her and you happy. How can she disagree with that? She will tell you when she is ready to. In the meantime, you need to take care of yourself. Protect yourself, too, in a way. By that I mean, you should prepare yourself for the worst, hope for the best, but be prepared that if there is an OM in her life, you can deal with that and find a way to move forward in the marriage. Could you seek counseling as a couple?

I want to say something about your spending too much time with the kids. I think this is an all too common problem. My H and I have done that, too. We have six children. It is all too easy to want to take care of their needs, all the extra-curricular stuff they do, and forget about your own relationship. Remember, the best thing you can give your kids is your example of a good and happy marriage that they will want to emulate when they someday marry. Show your kids that you love your W. Make your time with your W a priority. Show them that she comes first. I am not saying this because I am a W myself. I know that I need to do the same for my H. Show my kids that their dad is the most important person to me. I think it is a really important issue, and I have learned by sad experience the havoc that can be wreaked upon a M where the time needed on maintaining a healthy marriage has not been spent. Harley has lots to say on this topic.

Take care and good luck.