Hi all,

This is my first post here. Let me give you my background story. I have been with my husband for 14 years, married almost 13. We have 3 children. 2 girls and a boy.

Last September, I left him because I was very unhappy, feeling unloved and unwanted. Just kinda going through the motions. I was just as hateful as he was to me. I was tired of all the arguing and the lies.

We talked about the seperation as a time to work things out, take it slow and learn to love again. It didn't happen. 2 months ago only after a couple of days after he expressed his undying love for me he asked me if we should just go ahead and call this quits. Basically live like we are divorced just not legally. I was shocked but the conversation went really well and I thought we would be friends.

That's when even more distrust came into our lives. He began seeing someone. (I think his offer to be friendly was a way of easing his conscious.) So, I was left hurt and bitter, especially the way he ignored the kids and would not help me out financially in anyway. (He gets paid under the table tax free, I didn't want him to get into trouble for this, that's why I agreed not to get a lawyer.

Long story short, I had a complete breakdown over the weekend and apologized for ruining our lives and the kids lives and told him I wanted to make everyone happy again. After his guilt trip he laid on me. We had sex. We agreed to live apart another month and test the waters. But now things have turned sour between him and the girl he was seeing and he so loveable to me and wants me to move home right away.

I am not sure what I was thinking....do I really think things have changed? Do I really want to go home to him, even for the kids? Somebody help.....I think I might have really messed up this time.

Thanks in advance.

Do you want things to change? Get into IC so that way you can change YOU.

There are tons of books to help you. H/N H/N, Love Busters, Relationship Rescue, Self Matters, etc. I'm sure if you went onto Amazon you would get some great ideas.

Louise Hay's You Can Heal Your Life is another great book.

Seems like someone has to take the first step so that way things don't go back to the way they were. Can you guys go to MC?

You seem to want your family back together but are afraid that nothing has changed and that of course is scarey.

<small>[ March 17, 2005, 07:38 AM: Message edited by: Enchantedlady ]</small>

There are many resources on this site that may help you. I suggest you do a lot of reading here. You might want to start with the first thread on the Emotional Needs board. There you will find links to a lot of good material.

If you feel he had either an emotional or physical affair with this other woman (OW), you might also want to read Surviving An Affair.

I would definitely recommend counseling. Some counselors might participate in your medical insurance plan. The Harleys (Steve and Jennifer) also offer telephone counseling.