I was reading ITHURTS thread and this was said
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I lived in "fantasy land" for sooo long that I don't know what my or his reality can be together.”””

LostHusband: How true that is…. When I looked back at what I lost in my marriage, I realized what I lost was a fantasy/dream that wasn’t there to begin with.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I look back on my ex and I and there were SO many if onlys. If only he would listen to me things would be different, if only he would care about my needs. if only if only if only
Our marriage would be wonderful if only this would happen or that would happen.

I saw so much potential in my ex BUT he wasn't willing to do anything to change what was going on in our marriage, he chose the easy way out and left for another woman.

Then I met and married my husband now and while he is in many ways total opposite of my ex there is one pattern I found in myself because of going to IC/MC I find emotionally unavailable men(thanks to the man who conceived me)

So now that there have been other things uncovered in this marriage and we are really trying hard to work things out. I wonder if I am fooling myself again with the IFs. That scares me

How do you know when something is a fantasy and when it really can change?

EL,

Your husband will have to want to change. And it is not easy to do. Knowing whether you will be successful or not would probably depend on whether he recognizes that he needs to change and then wants to do it.

I'm not familiar with your story - sorry I can't be more helpful than this.

Sunny