I am separated from a husband I likely should have left for good a long time ago. Wev'e been married four years, our fighting got really bad at times, verbally and physcially. I left him right before Christmas. We have a one year old boy together so I'm stuck with this man for life. He's only seen the baby 4 times since I left, I moved five hours away. Of course he's so selfish I'm not sure how much he really cares, if he did he could have driven to us. But being a control freak, he wouldn't would he...

I just wonder, a shrink who knew us from counseling three years ago said that the husband ruined my chances for a "normal" marriage in the future. That I've grown accustomed to fighting and this is now normal to me. It does seem that when I've had to drop the baby off and I tried to stay a bit to be polite, that my husband just continues to push and push my buttons. Stupid petty things as usual. I wish I could just let it roll off my shoulders, but he's so mean and I'm wondering if he means to make me crazy. If that's been his control over me. So when he's said rude things I've just left - said NO MORE, here's the line and you can't cross it or I won't be around you. Then I walked out the door and told him when I'd be back for the baby.

I like the peace of my own apartment, of being "single" again and not having constant fighting. I think it affected my health and I'm starting to feel so much better, losing weight and liking myself more. This marriage has been hard on me, I'm tired to be honest. Just tired. I told my husband after he said I'm supposed to care enough to discuss with him - but he's talking stuff that doesn't affect me. I told him I'd discuss issues about the baby but not him, as I really don't care anymore. He took that from me. How can I care for someone who constantly and suttlely trashed me, and sometimes really hurt me with bruises by grabbing/pushing/shoving. Does he have no clue why I'm gone and that I'm not coming back? He said once that he's glad my business is going well as I'll have to support our family, well we dont' have a family anymore, he took care of that.

I thought I'd wait it out, watch for changes. He's going to anger management counseling. But why? I'm tired, I don't even have much hope anymore. I know by being separated it doesn't matter that I lost a 600k house a lifestyle, an image, etc. I'd rather live in a little apartment with my boy and have peace of mind. I can't get myself to file for a divorce. I am giving it until my lease expires in three more months, already I've been gone three months. If anything this man is worse, when I call or come by as he thinks he can still be cutting, then when I tell him to stop he has no clue he's even being so mean and rude? Can he not control this? You'd think he'd be going out of his way to be nice if he wanted this marriage to be reconciled. He just assumes I'll move back, as I did before, I moved out twice on him, came back.

I'm out of town on business, I'm enjoying that and traveling with my boy. Likely I'll double my profits. I'm feeling more empowered these days. Of course he always criticized me, said I wouldn't leave him because I had it made. Guess I'm wanting to do it on my own. There was a single guy I started emailing from the internet. I knew I shouldn't have, I just wanted to know there was life out there. Finally I said I just want to be alone with my kid. Really right now I do. Is the shrink right this marriage ruined me? Because I can't even imagine dating let alone getting married again. I was so naive when I married this man, he took advantage of me, he'd been married twice and lived with another woman and her kids. He's done this before. I'd never evenn lived with anyone, was on top of the world, made money, had traveled the world, came from a good family... I feel so used these days. This man isn't even the same one, well, maybe he is as friends and family never really liked him - I just never dreamed it'd turn into such a nightmare.

Am I ruined for future marriages?

He sounds like a retard to me, your kid see's these things too. Anger management? exactly how does that work?...another persons is able to explain to him and get through to him not to be himself?, sounds like a croc to me.

Horsey,

I'm sure you know that he is verbally and physically abusive. Sometimes just the tiniest little bit of low self-esteem is all the crack that these men need in order to insinuate themselves into a woman's life. (And yes, there are abusive women out there too guys - sorry for the gender assumption)

Once you become confident and self assured again you will be stronger and less likely to feel the need to let him draw you into an argument. Read some self-help book - Patricial Evan adn Melody Beatty come to mind. Take a year or two off to figure out what it was that attracted you to him in the first place.

I would assume that he was very attentive in the beginning and the relationship was intense and moved quickly. It can be very flattering to have so much attention given to you by a man who seems crazy about you.

Finally - abusers don't change. They may be able to stop being overtly abusive, but generally the behaviors become covertly passive aggressive and still crazy-making. If you like old films, try getting hold of one called "gaslights". It is about a woman who thinks she is going crazy because of the lengths her abusive controlling husband goes to in order to control her. Shed a lot of light on the doubts you now have about yourself and why you feel crazy.

Also check out this site .

Sunny