Hi, some of you might know me from the Recovery board. Unfortunately I'll have to move from there to this board. It's become very clear that H cannot remain faithful and so I do not want to remain in this M.

We're still living in the same house and he wants me to keep on living here. We have agreed to each go our own way. I'm just wondering if living in the same house in separate rooms is a workable situation. It can't be long term, but how long is short term?

We're still good friends and we both feel relieved now the decision has been made to be just that - friends. There are no fights (never have been) and so far we're both trying to make the best of this situation.

H still wants me back, and I love him very much but have realised he is way too immature for me. I can love and care for him as if he was my brother, but not my H.

Anyone with experience in this department?

We could have shared almost the same post. Husband wants to live here.

Personally! I am not sure if it could be done. I cannot get my H. to leave. If there are kids in the house, think of the role models we are portraying to them. Not a good thing. My H. grew up with his parents divorce and his Dad lived in this house and saw his Mom and Dad basically responsible for thenselves. So he had it in his mind that I cannot spend "his" money. Almost like living a separate life.

I mean how can it be done? If there was a lack of respect or lots of arguing? What will change???
Because a piece of paper will make the difference?

I know some people stay together because of financial reasons. Is that your case???

Ali~

Hello Ali, thanks for replying.

There never have been fights.

My H's problem is more like an addiction - he keeps looking for cheap thrills, says he'll "stop" when I find out, but then everything starts over again. I gave him a chance the first time, but the second time I couldn't believe the "I'll never do it again" line. He doesn't want to go into counseling for his addictive behavior, he only wants to go together with me to a counselor to "fix the M". I'm beginning to see more and more clearily that he's simply very young and immature as far as a relationship with a partner is concerned, even though he's almost 37.

I can provide for myself, and I'd never stay in a situation for financial reasons anyway.

I was just wondering if it would be possible to stay together like "Will and Grace" where both partners go their own way (which H was basically doing already) and share a home like a brother and sister or two friends would do, giving each other support and friendship.

Of course such a household would end when one of us would have a new partner (not some ONS, but a real partner).

no. you deservfe to have a life of your own and soemday meet a man that loves only you. if you are to be ready for this it will take being on your own for quite some time. no man will date you with the old husband living there with you. well, no good man. how can you have friends over? put your husband in the basement to hide while they are there? how will you be able to watch your husband bring other women home and make love with them or will there be a rule that no lovers can be brought home? why does your husband want to stay there with you while he has affair after affair? he will be an emotional vampire to you draining your energy. i know it is scary to make a clean break especially if you like your spouses basicf personality. but you must do it. for your own good.

Not only would it not be good for you, in the long run, it would not be good for him. This is a man who needs to realize that actions have consequences and that you cannot eat your cake and have it too. He needs to grow up and learn to live as an adult. Aside from the problems it would cause you, you wouldn't be doing him any favors either to let him live with you.

Kathi

<small>[ March 20, 2005, 08:21 AM: Message edited by: kam6318 ]</small>