Well, the divorce is final.

Checked the mail when we got home from weekend trip and the divorce papers were in the mail.

I can say with confidence that I did all I could to try to keep my marriage and family together.

I certainly earned my way out of this marriage!

I can now look forward to a brighter future. My WXH's problems are part of the past - no longer MY problem.

<small>[ March 20, 2005, 07:22 PM: Message edited by: meremortal ]</small>

Gosh-

I'm sorry. But happy that you sound ready to move on. I'm contemplating divorce myself. When I think about it, I get scared, nervous, worried, depressed and all the other imaginably negative things. But I also feel a sense of excitement about starting a new life. Do you feel that way at all?

Anyone else feel that way?

I HAVE felt sad... over the past several years of separation, many false recoveries, WH's repeated cycles of making and breaking promises.

I still feel sad sometimes but am moving on.

Mostly I feel relieved, excited, disappointed - in that order.

I do still have moments of feeling sort of angry or bitter. It does bother me that WH didn't love us enough to get the help he needs and to make the changes needed.

I used to feel really worried about WH, about how he will feel when/if he realizes someday what he's done and what he's lost.

Part of me still wishes he will get it some day and will resent the OW and adultery 'supporters' who helped him destroy our marriage and family. I don't like the thought that he may continue to hate/blame me, love/defend OW. But I'm beginning to care less about that and I'm pretty sure once I get involved with somebody new I won't care about that anymore.

Also, I am proud of myself for not having a revenge affair, for earning my way out of the marriage, and for learning how to build a real marriage. I'm glad I didn't spoil my chances for a healthy marriage in the future by becoming and getting involved with an adulterer myself.

Now I'm free to set much higher standards for any man I might get involved with - ANY man who would justify adultery need not apply! Those losers who wanted me to date them when I was merely separated, thought it would be OK for me to indulge in adultery just because my WH and OW did, are instant rejects IMHO. Maybe NOW they will get it when I CONTINUE to turn them down for dates, BECAUSE I'm not interested in a man who doesn't respect both me and marriage.

I'm not the sort who's going to use the divorce as an excuse to flooze out. I don't plan to make any drastic changes in my appearance or behavior. I certainly won't be placing any personal ads or joining a singles club...

What will change is I will make a conscience effort to no longer think about, talk about, worry about, my WXH. I will no longer have to give any consideration to his preferences, needs, etc. in any of my plans. I can live wherever I want to live now, dress the way I want to, etc. That part of me that sometimes got sidetracked by what WH wanted and tempted to compete with whatever OW were offering is now free to just enjoy being the best ME I can be.
I no longer have to be afraid that maybe I'm not good enough, that being the real me might not be what WH would find atractive.

It is going to be so nice to never have to feel that faint fear again.

Hi MM,

I am sorry to hear about the D but you know,you sound good.I am right behind you too.I am almost D'd and feel the same way as you do: I tried my best for a long time,gave many opportunities for WH to see what a selfish manipulator the homewrecker is and what a beautiful family and home he threw away.But,that's over.I am done.

As Dr.Phil says,"I would rather be healthy alone than sick and with someone".I am going to be an awesome partner for whatever man I meet next(IMO <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) but my only worry is that he will not even be close to MB material type men! I am in no mood to wait for a man to catch up to where I am.One day though.I am not anywhere near ready to be with someone else.I have some healing to do after the D goes through and a lot of time to spend with my daughters.

You should be proud.You made it out ALIVE! And you did your best and have a clear conscience.Good for you!

Take care now~

O

MM,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Mostly I feel relieved, excited, disappointed - in that order. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think that is the best possible attitude u can have at this time.

Praying for u in the beginning of this new journey of your life.

TooInvolved,

No, I am scared to death. Husband will not allow me the chance to feel "free" and excited. Although I am in ways excited, I am very much scared to death.

I am also scared to understand how I am going to relate in a relationship, if that ever happens. Trusting will be so hard. But then again. I don't even know the person yet, so already I am jumping into comclusions.

Ali~

MM

I want to say I'm sorry AND congratulations at the same time. I can relate to every thing you have expressed. When my D is over (if Fogman will ever cooperate), I know I will feel very similar to you...Relief! I can feel myself finally moving on. It has taken a year to get to this point. I stopped wondering about him a few months ago. That was a huge first step (in my case, this was accomplished by a wonderful restraining order) and now I only have occasional triggers.

I used to wonder why on earth BS's would even think about dating until the D is final, but I can see the natural urge to be with a partner. I won't participate in any relationships right now, of course, but my M is totally dead and I am feeling a little better, so in the back of my attention-starved mind I think, wouldn't it be nice to even be touched??? I am a very physical affectionate person, so this separation has practically killed me. Traumatized me, really. I will be waiting and hold my head up high during the entire process so that I, too, will have truly earned my way out.