My H and I have been going through all kinds of pain and turmoil talking about religion. I will not disclose our religious denom. preferences, but I will say that they do not mesh well. It's not that we hold any ill will or bad feelings towards each other's relgions, or that either doesn't believe in God, because we do. But the issue is that in our future how do we "mesh" two religions when every topic that comes up is a point of conflict personally and/or religiously. *sigh*

It's so hard trying to explain to my H why my religious principles are important. He said yesterday that "religion isn't important, it's your personal relationship with God that's important." And he is true to a point. He doesn't think that going to church is at all necessary and dislikes anything called a "religion". I however like the structure, and the peace that comes from meeting in a house of worship every week. He dislikes attending my church, and I have a hard time attending the churches he picks because they aren't the reverant style I'm used to, and I'm afraid to say anything for fear of causing an uprising from what I believe. They're just different!

Even reading the Bible brings up issues on almost every scripture! I feel so strongly about my relationship with God and my beliefs. To me religion is a huge part of who I am, what I want to do in my life, where I'm going after this life, so many things! It's been such a struggle feeling like my H and I are on the same page, but somehow not at the same time. A lot of the prinicples I believe in are key to this life, my relationship with God, and where we go after. And because my beliefs are a little more complex, he just calls these principles "frills".

I am also so worried about what kind of a foundation we are making for our children. What are they going to do if Mom and Dad can't even agree on how to worship God? The world is already such a confusing, choatic, and misleading place! By the time they are teenagers, they are going to need a stable base to make they're choices on!

I've been reading the articles from this site, pleading with God alone, praying with my husband, praying with my parents, talking to close friends, and doing so many things over the past few months trying to figure out what should happen. I'm struggling so much with my feelings (and no I don't have any infidelity issues0. I just want to be truly accepted and loved, and able to share my religious feelings with my spouse, to feel complete religiously, emotionally, spiritually, and in so many other ways. Please Help any questions or advice are greatly appreciated.
God Bless!
C.G. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

It doesn't sound like you are 'equally yoked' at this time. I'm sure it's tough...to endure...when you want so badly for it to be different.

Remember...You...cannot be the Holy Spirit.

"...The Lord opened her heart to respond to Paul's message" Acts 17:14

Try praying this verse over your husband for a period of time. Just a suggestion.

Angelheart, have you read Stormie Omartian's Power of a Praying Wife? I confess I haven't read it myself but I hear it's a great help. Some of my friends who are married to unbelievers or men who haven't made a strong committment say it is a great help.

True religion is actually relationship. It's good at least that your H will try churches out. I hope you can come to a peaceful resolution soon.

Don't abandon your walk with God because of this obstacle. Today I was reading Psalm 18 and rec'd so much encouragement. If God can make us strong in His strength, amazing things can happen.

Maybe you need to bend a little and try a church that isn't totally in your comfort zone for H's sake and maybe he could give you more freedom for your expression of faith at home. Check out the info on Policy of Joint Agreement and see if you can work something out that will help faith not to be a battlefield between you.

All the best!

Thank you both for your suggestions and encouragement. I also wrote down the scriptures so i can study them. I'll be praying...if you could have a little prayer for me too, that would be awesome! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

((Angelheart49)): you asked a preacher's wife to pray for you--no problem! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Father God, I pray You will guide Angel ever closer to Your heart. Thank You that she loves You. Thank You that YOU love BOTH her and her H--and her kids!

Lord, I pray Your wisdom for Angelheart to walk in Your ways without offending her H. Let him see Christ in her and hunger for the genuine relationship she has with You. Let her faith attract him to her and increase her natural love for her H. May Angel's H see that because she loves You, she is actually a better wife to him and a better mother--because of You indwelling her.

Lord, I pray Your blessings upon their home and family and that we will hear awesome answer to prayer. There must be an ideal church home for this family and we pray You will lead them to a loving group of people who will accept and invest in their lives for Your Kingdom and Glory.

In Jesus' Name. Amen.

Freshstart...

Is your 'story' posted anywhere? I'm intrigued. Would like to ask you a few questions...do you give out your email address?

Lighthouse, hmmm...my story is posted somewhere but it's probably In Recovery around August 2001. It's in 2 parts--lol--the writer who can't edit <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Yes, I LOVE emailing friends from MB. Just be patient with me as I live an incredibly hectic life and don't always keep up as well as I want to but I try.

It's buildnewlife@yahoo.ca

I'll see if I can dig up my story. Strong recovery now.

Angelheart, how are you? Hugs to you today.

<small>[ November 20, 2002, 06:49 PM: Message edited by: freshstart ]</small>

Hey freshstart,
Thank you so much for checking in on me. It's greatly appreciated as I need all the support I can get at this time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I also wanted to say what a beautiful prayer that was! I am so grateful! The Lord has been giving me a little more peace in my heart lately. I haven't been getting as many headaches (from crying and stress), so that's good. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I was a little disappointed a couple days ago though. I was reading the more of the basic concepts the other night and I got so excited when I got to the "Three Stages of Mind" because I thought "that's me"! Someone can pinpoint and describe some of my feelings and where I need to go, what I need to do! I printed out all of the articles (a lot of time and paper), and took them home to my husband to show him that I felt a ray of light in the bog of doom that I had felt about our future.

Unfortunately, he got totally overwhelmed by all the papers and got angry. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I explained to him that it told things that I wanted him to know about what I've been going through and how I felt, that it had given me a ray of hope. So he started to read it, with a lot of sighs and huffs. He then told me that most of it didn't make sense and that it was silly.

At this point I felt even worse. I just went to sleep because I had such a long day and was exhausted. I woke later that night to find that he was in the living room reading it, but he still thought it was silly. He kind of started to get the idea, but hates all outside information from people. As if their information can't help our situation. I hope he doesn't feel that about God. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
Well, if you could say a new little prayer for me and for him that would be awsome, I will also continue to pray and learn. Thank you again.
C.G.

((Angelheart)): I could be way off track here but my guess is the fact that you caught H reading the papers later means he doesn't really think it's as silly as he let on to you.

God is at work. Don't give up. It will take patience. I hope it meant something deep down to your H that you would take the time to show him those things.

I'm really tired tonight as it's been a long day and I have an incredibly busy weekend but I'll be pleased to keep you and your H in prayer.

Hugs.

If you and your husband can't agree on how you each feel like worshiping why can't you go to an inter-denominational church where every body worships in their way. I don't mean non-denominational which is different. At an inter-denominational church everyone can worship God the way they feel confortable doing and no one judges any other persons relationship with God or how they worship him. In the inter-denominational church you will have Catholics, Presbyterians, Methodists, Baptists, and Penecostal all worshiping ONE GOD in their own way and letting everyone else worship in their way without judging. After all we are all trying to reach the same place at the end of our life. Right!!!
One of the Inter-denominational Churches in the U.S. is the Grace Awakening Church. You should be able to go into search and find one close to you. To me this seems like the answer to your problems as far a worshiping God goes.

<small>[ November 22, 2002, 11:16 AM: Message edited by: Rainbowstar ]</small>

Rainbowstar~
Thank you so much for your time and helpful suggestion. My biggest concern though is that differences my husband and I have. Maybe eventually we'll figure out how to talk with each other about religious topics and ideas, but as of now it's very hard.
Again I truly appreciate your willingness to reach out and help! I will look up the church you suggested and check it out.

Freshstart~
Hey you wonderful person, you! Thanks again for keeping tabs on me. The latest and greatest is that I attended church on sunday and had a "chat" with the pastor. Naturally I was rather emotional and took two hours talking to him and relaying my story. He was so nice and supportive! And what was the most uplifting was that he really wanted to help me explore all of my options instead of just saying "leave the guy" like all my friends and family have basically been saying. The fact that he was sincerely willing to pray with me and help, and lead me in a way to exhaust all of my options before giving up was a true example to me!
As you know (I think) I've been doing so many things trying to get the attention and cooperative effort of my loving husband (and yes I am saying that with sincerity and not sarcasm). I'm emotionally exhausted and I've been really ready to give up, but didn't feel quite right about leaving deep down inside.
Well, my latest (and possibly last)resort is contacting the pastor who married us. He is a fantatic man of God that we both know and trust. I thought I could ask him to be a type of mediator, so that my H and I could communicate and understand each other without as much of the frustration and arguing. My H said it was okay (without reservation or Mr. Yuck faces)!!! So, this is my current ray of hope. I have continued to pray and am thinking about doing a little fasting. It's so important to me!
The other night my H and I were talking and I was very upset, telling him that I wish we could finally resolve things and that I wasn't sure I could hang on anymore, let alone for 20, 40, or 100 years! And he said, "...but would it be worth it?" And at that point I really had to cry! Of course it would be worth it! I told him, "Nothing would I ever rejoice about more than if that could happen!" My love for him is truly being tested, but is starting to return. I think the power of prayer may pull us through. I don't want to think so much of the "what if it never happens" right now. I'm still giving it a chance! Keep up the prayers, I think it's helping!
Thank you so much again! God Bless you in all you do. The word for the week is "Gratitude" pass it on! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
C.G.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.
Marcus Tullius Cicero </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Freshstart, What a truely awsome prayer you prayed on 11-19.
Could you pray for me and my husband?

We really need it right now. I am currenty reading the book and working in the work book "The power of a prayung Wife" by Stormie Omartian. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Angelheart,

Religion in and of itself isn't important..it is about the personal relationship with Christ..

but, going to a church that teaches the scriptures is IMPORTANT!!

So what is it about the structure of your church services that are most important to you? And why are they important? Is it because it's what you've always known? And you don't see how it can be any other way? Or is it that you feel Christ should only be worshiped in a certain way?

What is your husband's prefered style? Is there are lot of Amen's and praises? Or what is that is different, that you struggle with??

Maybe if you go to one of the services that he picks..and stay open to the Holy Spirit working in you during that service..don't look at the fact they worship differently...but listen to what the preacher is saying..is he teaching the bible? is he teaching contrary to what the bible says? if so then..I agree don't go to that church..

God may want to teach you another way to worship Him..something that is less structured..and formal..something to help you grow in your relationship with Him..

I've been to many different churches..from the strict catholic structure..everything is done just so..to the Assyemblies of God where they were falling to the ground..to the baptist church where they all hollar AMEN when the preacher says something..to an Episcopalian Church where they were dancing in the aisles..I struggled in some of those because they were 'different' than what I thought it should be like..

I know I felt at some of them...How in the world can The Holy Spirit work in here?? when someone is hollaring out in the middle of the service or falling to the ground..but I had to remember, I am not God..and I don't know all the ways HE wants us to worship Him..if I felt they were teaching contrary to scripture..I didn't go back..
and if I really didn't get anything out of the basic teachings because of the distractions..I didn't go back..

I know that King David danced in worship to God..
yet, I know that others didn't..I know that in the psalms it talks about the music..and how in some cases symbols were being clanged together..

I know for me...I couldn't handle the structure of the Catholic Church..it was too stuffy for me..
and the fact I don't believe Mary or other saints should be prayed to..and I see to many icons for worship that distract me from truly seeing God work there..not that their way is wrong..it's just not my beliefs..

Just as with the Assemyblies of God..I don't see how people speaking in some language I don't understand edifies me..or the rest of the body..
and I don't feel fed spiritually when I see people falling to the ground..being 'slayed' in the spirit..and my first impulse is to get up and run out of the door..

but I also know that there are many services that I went to that I felt fed..and spiritually renewed when I said..Okay God, I don't know about this..but apparently you want me here to learn something..so show me what it is I need to hear or learn..

So maybe God is trying to show you other ways to worship Him..and that it doesn't always have to be a certain structure..but it's okay to show Praise..by lifting your hands up to God..

Don't be so structured that God can't teach you areas He may feel you need to grow...

Just as your husband should appreciate the style of worship you like too..maybe he could learn from that as well..if he's open to the Holy Spirits teaching..

Something I think that is really hard for us women to grasp though..is that ultimately..our Husbands are the one's who are to answer to God about our spiritual growth as a couple..and if your husband is not preventing you from going to church and worshiping God..totally...then allow Him to be the leader..Maybe God is leading Him in a direction of spiritual growth you don't see..

as long as He is not saying you have to go to a church that does not teach God's word..or making you go against what God says..let Him lead..

If your husband is reading the bible, and growing spiritually and encouraging you to go to church..
then TRUST GOD to lead Him...

Lean not on your own understanding, but in all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your path..

if you feel your husband is leading you away from God..then take that Up with God..and let God deal with him..but it may be God leading Him in a direction that is taking you out of your comfort zone to bring you to a closer relationship with Him..

<small>[ December 05, 2002, 12:08 PM: Message edited by: ThornedRose ]</small>

I wanted to add...ask God to show you if you need to be more submissive in this area to your husband..

God, Angelheart is really struggling here, she is not used to these other ways of worship, and is used to a certain structure in church. You know where You want them to go to church, You know if her husband is following You or if He's going off on his own path. Help her to step out in faith and trust YOU to lead them, even if it means it's out of her comfort zone to help her grow closer to you. And Lord, if Her husband is leading in his own path with no thought to where you want them then work in His heart in that area. help her to trust You to lead her husband..because You want what is best for them and their marriage. Lord, is this a problem area of submission on her part? Is it a control issue on her husbands part?
Only you know the truth in this circumstance. So search their hearts and show them the truth.

In Jesus Precious Name I Pray...

Amen..

Hey Thorned Rose~
Thank you for your words, time, and prayer. I guess my main concern right now is the path that my H is/was taking. I've been trying to make him aware lately that some of the stuff he has done is immoral/innapropriate/not uplifting to our marriage. It's really hard for me to be submissive to him when he's not exactly on the straight and narrow. In some instances I just need to forgive and forget, but there is one thing that happened which I've found it hard to drop. I just want so bad for him to understand that it was innapropriate. On a night when I went out with a girl friend of mine and my sister, he was supposed to go out with the guys, and instead ended up driving down to another city to hang out with one of his ex-lovers. Not only am I uncomfortable about him spending time alone with another woman, but i was hurt that they went to dinner, a movie, and went to a club. He and I hardly go anywhere together, and I couldn't believe he would do this.
I'm just so hurt and he doesn't feel he was out of line. Am I crazy? So, not only have I been on a long stressful road of trying to come back to God, and keep my pride etc. in check, but basically I'm a mother to my husband. *sigh* I don't know...I don't know what to say anymore. But thanks again. It's very good of you.
C.G.