When did this section begin? I just noticed it today. My H produced an OC about 4 yrs ago. I agree with a previous post that there is no closure. The OC remains a constant reminder. Very painful. Peace Lover

Peace Lover:<P>Thanks for checking in. This site has been active for just a few days. We're just getting started, but, it was important that there was a place for people in our special situation to come to for comfort, guidance and support.<P>Everyone here knows the pain of having an OC in their life. I am one.<P>My husband's XOW gave birth 8-19-99. we have no contact with the child and doubt we will. We will pay support for the next twenty years, but, until we are forced having to deal with the child directly, we are trying to repair our marriage and our lives the best way we know how.<P>We have opted for not telling our grown adult children about the OC as the XOW lives 1800 miles away and wants no contact with us either. All she wants is the cash.<P>It's our secret, I guess. Not something we talk about much anymore since March 2000, since court. We are sick of talking about it and are just looking forward and trying to put this behind us.<P>I obsess over it too much and my husband doesn't completely know the depth of my feelings because he has such remorse and is also in a lot of pain. We're probably trying to protect each other from the fallout by trying to live our lives as we did before he indescretion. <P>Dealing from the pain of having the OC in existance is so difficult for me. Just knowing there's a child out there that should have been mine is something I struggle with daily, hourly. I hear it gets better with time. <BR>I start thinking about it at the most inopportune times-when everything is going well and we are happy. <BR>I think I must personally be going through some form of post traumatic stress, now that I have time to absorb the details, where before I was just putting out fires.<P>Since you are a veteran of four years, I would like to hear your story and find out what your marriage is like now, if you see the OC, to what degree the involvement and how YOU personally feel about everything now at this time. Are you glad you stayed in your marriage? Was/is your husband remorseful and trying to make amends? If there is no contact, does he wish there was? Does he want to see the OC and wonder about it?<P>Please post and let us know how you are coping and what choices you have made and any advice would be appreciated.<P>Blessings<P>catnip =^^=

Welcome! How have you coped? Is there contact? <P>Our OC is just 19 months, no visitation, but we are open to visitation when she's school-aged.