I am so upset. Today my H once again received more papers in regards to the OC, AT HIS WORK. Why is it every time we have to deal with this situation there is a new twist and turn. He called Public Aid and asked why they keep sending personal information to his work address. What did they say. Evidently the OW told them that they should send it to his work, so that I wouldn't see them. Like after everything else she has done, now she is telling the agency what to do. I still don't understand my H has been done everything he is supposed to do. And yet the agency listens to her, whether it is true or false. I am tired of her calling the shots in our lives. The agency lost his appeal, and then called him back and said they found it, how is that for organization. We can't even afford an attorney to protect us. She of course has the state to pay for all of her legal expenses. I am so ticked! I just want to be done with her. I wish her life was a little messed up at times. If she could feel the pain that I am feeling for once. I really don't understand how anyone can openly mess up other people's lives. Now I know my H made his mistakes. But once again this was a one night stand. I guess I keep thinking that if I had been in her position than I would have never kept the mistake going. If I had chose to keep the baby then I would go on with my life. I guess I better be quiet, before I get chewed out for not being sympathtic to her situation. That is the only problem with talking at times. I just had a really bad day. Sorry if I rambled. <P>babstr.

There you are, Babstr...I was wondering where you were. <P>You'll never hear me chewing you up for how you think or feel. You are entitled to your anger, under the circumstances, and for the injustice of the situation.<P>I feel the same way you do. We've had to spend money we don't have to travel to NY twice now, stay a week for endless 'hearings' to determine support for OC. <P>The OW calls all the shots and even slapped me with an Order For Protectiion in retaliation for a letter I wrote reminding her that I warned her during their first weekend about my husband's problems and told her she should give the child up for adoption.<P>The system is horribly out of balance and you and I can expect things to be like this for the rest of our lives as long as we stay with our husbands. We don't have the option of taking the child ourselves and raising it as our own as Paul and K do here on the forum, because it is their wives who had the child and are keeping it. These men have the opportunity to make that child their own and probably won't get much argument from the OM. Sure, they will financially support a child that is not their bio child, but, at least THEY will be in control and be able to call the shots. They won't be hauled into court and have an unrealistic portion of their income taken from their family every month.<P>The hardest thing about our situation is our powerlessness and inability to make any decisions. We have to accept the order from the court and not have any of the privileges.<BR> <BR>If your spouse's XOW is anything like ours, she won't want you to have any contact, but "just keep the cash coming." <P>It is a very bitter pill.<P>Catnip =^^=

Catnip & Babstr: Believe it or not I am in this boat as well. My oldest is my daughter from a relationship just prior to my W and I. I have and still do get drug to court all the time and she still does try to call all the shots.<P>The system is not fair. Especially to fathers. Now I know alot of women would disagree, some justly, some not. But when it comes to the court system it is generally designed and geared toward the well being of the mother and not nessecarily the child. Why? Because most courts assume that the child's best interest is with the mother. Nowadays I'd have to say 50/50. I could love and take care of my daughter ten times better than her mother. Biased? Maybe <P>The only way the state should be involved is if she is on welfare of some sort.<P>And catnip, not as long as you are with your husband, just until the OC turns 18. I know, not funny, but true. Just letting you know I'm there too.<P>Good Luck and God Bless<P><P>------------------<BR>1Co:2:4: And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:<BR>1Co:2:5: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.

Paul:<P>Your wife is so lucky...I hope she realizes how incredible you are.<P>Your new son is so lucky to have a Dad like you who will love him and be yours all his life. What a great way for him to start his new life.<P>And you are lucky because you have Jesus in your heart and the Holy Spirit guiding you. God has blessed you and made you whole. I am so touched by your story.<P>Catnip =^^=

<BR>Paul,<P>I agree with you 100% that the divorce and custody courts are biased in favor of women, and that a 50% joint physical and 50% joint legal custody arrangement is best for the children. And I can back that with psychological studies, btw.<P>Incidentally, you're a real veteran of the family court system!<P>Bystander

Thanks Catnip, and Bystander...you have no idea (veteran!)

That is what we are here for..for you to rate an rave!!!<BR>I really do feel for you and I'll say a pray.<BR>I to at times wish that the other person had to deal with the pain. At time I wish I could do something real painful to the OM. I'm sure that is a manhood that would like to kill him hahaha<BR>and I know that I would never be sympathtic for the other person(no way no how) <BR>and you can ramble any time!!<P>Take care and try to enjoy the day<P>[This message has been edited by BL (edited May 17, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by BL (edited May 17, 2000).]