not technically, but I needed to get you attention!

My husband and I got married nearly 6 yrs ago. From the very beginning, my MIL was alittle forward from bringing my husbands ex over for a visit right after we were married to telling me ( and my husband) that we should get divorced 2 days after my own mother died with no condolences offered to me or a visit to the wake or funeral. Only mean remarks and constant stress.
I have no idea why. I never did her or her family any wrong. REALLY.

She was never a mother in law, during tough marriage times she would just tell my husband to " get a divorce and make sure that it was in his financial favor") even though I had helped him with everything that I had, my credit, my house etc..

After a couple of years of this horror, my husband and I agreed that we'd put our marriage first and chose not to see her and rarely spoke to her. This was causing constant conflict and dispair in our marriage.

Well, after a couple of years of that , we decided that he should visit her and see her. I have spoken to her too.

Now, after I have told him that he should visit and see his mother and given my blessing, things have changed again. Suddenly, my husband is cutting me down and adding extra jabs. Like my old boyfriend is glad that we didn't get married because I am high spirited. H said he did not remember who told him this.After two weeks H confessed that it was MIL that told him this.

Turned out that MIL had my old boyfriend draw up a will for her(ex boyfriend is a lawyer)and I know that ex boyfriend is proffessional enough not to bring me up to her, exspescially while doing business unless he was REALLY provoked.

After much inquiry on my part to my husband, it turned out that MIL told H this AND talked constantly about us not talking to her for quite awhile.She will own no part in the reason for this and blames me (I am a bad person), with lots of other little inuendos.

I wanted in-laws and family and was very hospitable to her every visit. I never said anything bad about her bringing ex over to our house or all the talk about how much she said my husband had loved other ex. Nothing. Just kind to her.
But after she was so mean when my mother had died suddenly and my father was diagnosed with cancer and died about 9 mos. later- no card or visit, only mean remarks. I did not want her in our lives anymore.

Now, I know that my MIL wont live forever and she is over sixty. I want my husband to see her-but when he does see her, he changes-BIGTIME, towards me. He only sees her feelings and is mean to me.

What do I do???I have talked to him about this and says that he understands, but after he sees her-he is like a differant person. Really. Its as though he has no feelings for me and that I did all wrong and she was only kind and caring.

I HATE THIS!!!!!
WHAT SHOULD I SAY AND DO HER????

I want him to have a relationship with his mother , but not at our expense.

ANY HELP HERE AND ADVICE WILL BE GREATLY APPRECIATED. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Nothing. You say or do nothing towards your MIL. Your H should handle this. The inherent problem here is NOT your MIL, it is your H. Your H allows his mother to disrespect you to him, and he says nothing back.

It's time for you to have a talk with him about requiring that your MIL at least treat you with respect. She doesn't have to like you or love you, but she does have to treat you with respect both to your face and otherwise. She is not only disrespecting you, she is disrespecting your H's choice to be married to you. If he is not willing to take this stand with your MIL, well, report back...

I have a problem with my MIL not respecting me, and I didn't say one word to her about it and never have. Kash (my H) does - it's his mom.

<small>[ November 26, 2002, 03:25 PM: Message edited by: *Takola* ]</small>

I would have to agree with Tak here. This is for your husband to deal with. Continue to be as polite as possible with her. Also, be careful about the live forever thing. Mean people live a long time just for spite.

But, your husband needs to understand how hurtful it is, and support you over his own mother.

Good luck with this,

Chris

Takola,
You are so very right. My husband doesn't say anything about this to her-only to me.

What is up with this? I never did her wrong! He is the one that is not taking care of things. I cannot control my MIL nor do I even want to. But the man that I married? I think that he should take his wifes feelings alittle more into consideration.

Yet in some ways, I feel that I am a grown woman and can take care of my problems with her alone. What do you think?

CodeManC,
Thanks for your response. But could you really live with your wife if she put her mom first-with being mean to you????
I know that my husband is being a jerk about this. But to stay married, I have to live with him. My MIL i don't have to.

I would really like to tell her my real feelings on all of this. I am a big girl and can handle this. She is obviously, or she wouldn't say and do the things that she does.