My husband was on active duty when he began his affair. When I found out, he cautioned me about raising too much stink because, he risked court martial. The military code of justice will prosecute for adultery. So I sat tight, we did talk to JAG about situation, we were told that where we were stationed, they only prosecuted if it came to the commanding general's attention. Usually if affected morale of the post or work place. So it never became an issue. However, seeing new posts from other military connected wives, I wonder what happend in their situations. Also were the OW involved military? His OW was civilian in another state, she worked in hotel he used as halfway point between our base and another base he drove to working with reserves during Desert Storm. She lives in NC, we lived in KY then. Now we are in TX. She also gave OC his last name. We were talking divorce for a while, I was PG at time. I told him I was seriously thinking of giving our son my maiden name, especially if we split. That was Petty but it made me feel good. We are still together, and have yet to see that child. <BR> Who else is military? Still AD

My first marriage ended in adultery. That H was in the military. Everytime he did anything to provoke me, I called his CO. Everytime I did that, he got into so much trouble. It didn't matter if he drove by my house with a nasty look on his face. I didn't really know any of the really bad things he did until after I was gone, or else he would have been in serious strouble. By then, I just didn't even care enough to pursue it.<P>Those people don't have time to be bothered with stuff like wives. It's a big deal. My first H blames me for his lack of advancement because he had so many stupid little incidents on his record. It wasn't my fault. He should have left me alone!<P>HAhaha. Anyway, it's 15 years since then, and I have to admit most of it was pretty petty, juvenile stuff that I wouldn't do again, but the point I am trying to make is yes, you can get him in a world of trouble for that kind of stuff. Fraternization is not taken lightly. Anything which could disgrace the military is not appreciated.<P>Oh, forgot. Only one of his OW was military, and she had higher rank than he did. The others were trailer trash bimbos he found under rocks and in bars after coming off weeklong binges- at least that is what they looked like. He was a winner!

My H and the OW were also AD. There is always conflicting information about what will happen in these situations. I think it depends on the service, the base and how much noise you are willing to make. I used the threat of court-martial as my leverage. It caused the OW to really open her eyes. She realized that I knew my way around the system since I once was AD. I told her that if I decided to leave my H I would ruin his career and would go the end of the world to ruin hers also. Her family is destitute and she has no savings, so I knew she didn't want to return to the slums from which she came.<P>When she really started acting crazy, my H confided in his 1st Sgt whom he was good friends with. He warned them about the consequences and thank goodness he was totally on my side. Yeah, we pay her because its the thing to do (out of court arrangement), but there is no contact otherwise with her or the OC. She is delusional and hopes that some day my H will be there for her 100%. Since we PCSd (moved), it has been much better. No longer do we get the 2:00am phone calls or her sudden appearances at my kids events when she gets emotionally unbalanced. At this rate we may not move back to the states until after my H retires. <BR>This has all been so life-changing.

H is AD. Our counselor with 30 years experience around military said IF the wife stays and the OW wasn't military (our case), the guy usually keeps his career with little repercussions. But we've had a couple close calls where the CO COULD have tried to end H's career if he wanted to. You know, there is no statute of limitations to this, and the OC is forever "proof". However, H declared the OC/child support on his security clearance, so the military can't say it didn't know earlier; less chance of him being court-martialed now.<P>Naive, I'm SOOO happy for you that you moved away. The XOW sounds like a complete NUTcase, worse than ours. Just when I thought nobody had a worse case...UGH!!

Thanks for responses. My H is now retired.<BR>I do not think his CO ever knew, but we weren't jeopordising his retirement. If we had split I was going to get that in the settlement. <P>I was curious how others who had to deal with while on AD had done so. It's bad enough to deal with it at all. To know the family income could be taken away because of his stupidity was really unsettling. <BR>Another side was in the housing area we lived in there were 36 quarters, all officers, and there were six men who had affairs while my H was having his. It boggled my mind to know what the possible repercussions could have been yet these men did not seem to take that into account until the wife found out. <BR>I am glad that as far as this situation is concerned, everyone else did not suffer from this. Keep in touch. TG

Hey,<BR>Has anyone put the OC onto their military healthcare system? Was the H listed on the birth certificate? My H is NOT on the bc so he hasn't listed OC as dependent ; we pay 80/mo on top of support for mandatory health insurance. Anyone know if you can put a child in DEERS based on the DNA test and court order???

I have been reading your post and I must say it is very interesting. I have posts in other areas on my situation. I just found out my H was having an affair with his coworker(not military). However, he is in the reserves and was on duty this weekend then is on schooling for a week at McQuire.<BR>They were suspose to go to McQuire for the weekend drill, and the flight got cancelled because of plane malfunctions. They pulled their drill in KnobKnoster, MO. He told me that there was no room for them on base, so they had to stay off base in a hotel. He told me he paid cash for the room and didn't think it would be reimbursed. I find that real hard to believe. The OW lives about 1 hour away from KnobKnoster, and I am suspected that she went there. How would you handle that situation?<P>------------------<BR>NotSure2K

Jenny:<P>'Luckily', the OW was also AD so we don't have that problem. I don't see why you wouldn't be able to do that since you have the DNA tests and court order for proof of paternity. You'd probably have to go through the whole 'dependent' drama though. Call your local DEERS office.<P>NotSure2K:<P>I don't believe the issue about not being reimbursed for the hotel room. Usually you are always reimbursed - especially since there were no rooms available on base. He should have gotten a receipt as proof and therefore be able to file a claim.

Jenny, our OC is on DEERS. He had to go into the DEERS/ID Card center with BC & SSnumber. He is on the BC. It was simmple, he just had to deal with the embarrassment of facing someone in the ID office with the info that he had another child not his wife's. He then sent the DD form to the OW, she went to reserve office and got an ID card. With a court order of support & DNA proof he should be able to do it. DEERS or JAG should be able to take care of it. TG

My husband is National Guard, and he is full time federal military job. Both him and the OW are in the Army through the Guard, but then also have full time jobs through the federal side. His incident happended on AT in Calif. It was a one night stand, and he was on orders, he is the officer, she is a e3. He told his commmanders the next morning, so because he was up front he was just moved to a different command. But there is another officer in the exact same situation who didn't tell anyone, the girl got pregnant, and now he was fired. Kicked out on his weekend job, thus causing him to lose his full time job. From everything I have seen, the military doesn't care about families. Basically if you don't get caught. The whole lifestyle promotes not only adultery, but drinking, and all kinds of other things. My father in law was in full time Army for 30 years, he agrees. My husband has been in 12 years, he opted for National Guard over full time so that he could family that didn't travel everywhere. All I know is he is gone over half the year off and on because he has to travel for either is day job or his weekend job, that makes this situation even harder to deal with. Now I am always wondering what is really going on, at those bases.<P>babstr.

Both my H and the OW are ARNG and she let everyone know about the affair and then about the pregnancy. The matter did find its way to the Col. and an investigation began.. They were both officers and they ultimatly both got letters of reprimand that will be in their folders for the next three years and at least my H was redflagged during the investigation. I will tell you that while the military says it is family oriented it is a huge lie not once were my feelings about the matter taken into account and the fact that they dragged it out for a yr made it hard for me to heal when they were calling and sending certified mail to the house. My husband for more than one reason has decided to end his career 11 mos before retirement and go into the IRR. As far as the reimbersment oh yeah they will get paid back as my H and the OW stayed off post together and my H got pd back!<BR>