Which one of Dr. Harley's books deals with the issue of OC? Any recommendations?

None of them, specifically. There's an article in the Q&A section with advice on what to do if the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5063a_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>wife becomes pregnant with the OM's child</A>, but there's nothing that I've seen that is specific for dealing with an OC from your point of view.<P>What I would suggest is that you get <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6010_give.html" TARGET=_blank>"Give and Take"</A> and read through this with your husband. This book completely covers the Policy of Joint Agreement and how to negotiate---it also has mini-sections on emotional needs and lovebusters. The "right way" to handle this is where you and your husband communicate honestly with each other, and use the POJA to come to a "win-win" solution concerning the OC.

Polly,<P>I looked far and wide for months and found NO books on dealing with this! There is a little bit at the vaughan-vaughan site, such as: <A HREF="http://www.vaughan-vaughan.com/quest054.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.vaughan-vaughan.com/quest054.html</A> <P>There was also one paragraph in a book I once saw, whose name I've forgotten, which basically said the H's loyalty must go to the wife/kids with her, with only money to the OC.<P>I've considered compiling a book with personal examples such as we share here, and healthy guidelines I've developed from counselers. But would anyone buy it??

Jenny:<P>I think such a book would sell. After my 'discovery', I searched high and low in the bookstores for hours looking for something to guide me through my devastation. At that time I wasn't ready for the usual 'recovery' or 'relationship' books. This was the first time that I couldn't consult friends or family for advice and it only made things appear more dismal. I felt totally 'in the closet' although I personally was not the wrongdoer. I began to wonder if I was alone in my situation.<P>This website has shown me that yes, we do exist and that although we have the main issue at hand in common, we all still have our 'special twists' to our stories that make each unique.<P>It's sad that we have to be here under these circumstances, but it sure is comforting to know that we have each other for support. Think of all the others out there that are not yet computer-savvy and are still searching for a glimmer of light.