We are growing at an alarming rate and newbies are coming to the site daily. Now is a good time for each of us to post your story on this thread as a sort of roll call. Your option as to include e-mail address.<P>Jenny, you should start this thread, you've been here the longest. If you're not online right now, jump in as soon as you can.<P>Audrey, Popeye, babstr, pollypurebred, pw, used2Bcozy, DSR, Josey, CD, Andi, Daycare Disaster, Texasgirl, childless, SadInSt.Louis, peace lover, sadgirl, Paul Moyers, K, tryingtomoveforward, WJC...am I forgetting anyone? <P>It would be really helpful to have a short bio on each of us for future reference.<P>Catnip =^^=

Okay! H and I have been married for 5 years, together for 8. I thought we were living a fairy tale and were soul mates. I thought we were going to be the ones who made it to forever together. I loved this man to death and thought the sun rose and set on him.<p>[This message has been edited by popeye (edited June 11, 2000).]

catnip, you're ever too kind. I'm afraid I talk too much already but it does help me figure out my own issues. I'll play.<P>It's been nearly two years since my H of then almost 12 years confessed to a conflict-avoider-type affair with what I thought was a close friend of mine (haha on me). He's military and already had an overseas move in the works before he found out XOW was pregnant, so we have only seen OC in pictures. H accepts full responsibility for screwing up and doing all he can to repair our marriage. We've been very successful. Renewed vows in 1999. <P>We, together, send gifts to OC 3 times/year and are open to her visiting us when she is old enough to separate from her mother and decide for herself if it is worth it to her. The XOW has tried to manipulate and is angry my H doesn't visit nor have frequent contact. However, we had several months of counseling and got advice from 4 counselors and 2 chaplains about what we are doing, so we feel pretty confident we are behaving in a healthy way now even though XOW is not. We are not telling our 2 kids until they are older.<P>Comments or questions? Next!<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Jenny (edited June 06, 2000).]

Here's mine, H and I have been married almost four years, been together eight. I thought I had done everything right, dated for over two years, engaged for two years, and then married. Worked hard and planned our child. <P>Found out on Feb 9, 2000, that my husband had been unfaithful, and that there was a child he had been named in a paternity suit. The incident happend July, 1997, less than a year after we had been married. He was drunk, and it was a one night stand. The OW had sought him out, and saw that he was leaving the bar. She already had a two year old at the time from another one night stand, with another military officer. <P>The OW informed my H when she was four months pregnant that she was sure it was his. This is when I just found out that I was pregnant. So fast forward to now. She now wants the money, and claims that she wants my H to have a relationship with the OC. He has never had contact, and never wants contact. He has never seen the OC. When we got the DNA results two months ago, there was a picture of the OW and OC in the file. We are now appealing the amount that was stated for child support. I am a stay at home mom, I quit my job when my child was four months old. So now our lives are in a waiting pattern for the appeal process. My H is also trying to get a different job, preferably in a different state. We can not pay our bills because of the child support. I am trying to work on keeping my family together. I still love my H, and I want my daughter to have both of her parents. But it is a daily struggle, especially with everything so unsettled. I want to be done with the legal process so that we can try to heal and move on. It makes it difficult, the OW works on the same military base as my H, and she lives less than two miles from us. So until he can change jobs, or we move it will make it hard for us to concentrate on our marriage and our family. That is my life in a nutshell, at least the last five months. My H and I are both 28, and my daughter is 21 months old. We live in IL, and my H is a Captain, in the Army. I was a Research Scientist for Department of Corrections. I thought I would always work until I saw my daughter's face, and wanted to be home with her in her early years. There is the general information. I will say that I am probably one of the youngest ones here, and yet I feel like a old woman going through this. It has really has made my life spin around. I really wanted to do everything the right way, and now I feel like I got cheated. By the way only my immediate family knows, and close personal friends. Sorry I wrote so much.

Here's my story....H and I will be married 11 yrs. on June 24th. I'm really hoping and praying that we can work through this and make it to our 50th! Although we both were probably discontent and unsatisfied at times during our marriage, I never thought I would end up in this situation. No one else would have either. I loved this man and valued our marriage and the life we had made together. We both have just turned 36 yrs. old and have 2 beautiful daugthers (4 1/2 & 5 1/2) adopted from Russia in 1997. I cannot have biological children.<P>We moved out-of-state (thank you, God!) before I knew about the affair, even though it did continue after we moved with several visits (while I was out of town or when H traveled on business), e-mail, phone calls, etc. I found out about the affair in Sept. '99 - it had lasted about 2 yrs. The OW is 22 yrs. old (now) and was his "soulmate", his "love of a lifetime". She became pregnant in Oct. '99 during one of their last "get-togethers". The baby is due July 7th. I believe it was all finally over between them in January and there has not been any contact since.<P>I'm having a very difficult time getting past the emotional involvement they had, not to mention the baby! I'm in counseling...H is not. Somedays I'm hopeful, other times I just don't know. I'm sure something will be resolved after the baby is born, although I don't know what I'm playing the waiting game!<P>

...<p>[This message has been edited by Beerman2 (edited September 13, 2000).]

Good idea, catnip! By the way, don't forget to add your story too.<P>My story ... <BR>My H and I have been married for 13 years. I knew that our marriage was not perfect but I was naive enough to think that my H would never have an affair. I was devastated when he confessed 1/99 of the affair and the OW's pregnancy. I am thankful that he didn't waffle about who he wanted to be with (me). We have been in recovery since that time, though I'm not sure that true recovery was able to start until after the OC's birth (8/99). We have 3 children of our own (8, 3, & 2 years old). Our marriage is going well though we have a ways to go until we find the blissful marriage we both desire. Our biggest issue is being able to open up with one another. We both find that difficult to do but I know that we need to find a way. We saw the OC a few times right after her birth. We will most likely include her in our lives once our marriage is at a place where we can handle it without putting too much additional stress on our relationship.<P>Well, I think that's it.<BR>Audrey

My bio stats are as follows:<P>My wayward husband is a full-blown alcoholic, mentally ill with bipolar I disorder and on Neurontin, and had a bout with attempted suicide January 2000. He has been in treatment twice since his fall from grace, the last time February 2000. He regained his sobriety on March 22, 2000 (our 20th anniversary)<P>We met in treatment in 1979. He was flown to here as a last resort as this was the place to go for chemical dependency and he had been to nearly every center in his state without much success. As a last ditch effort, he was sent here. It was a success and he enjoyed 17 and a half years of flawless sobriety. The sobriety did not squelch the manic episodes, but they were relatively harmless and managable in the big scheme of things and the destructive tendencies were not as flagrant during his long sobriety. It wasn't something I couldn't put up with and it was a trade off. The trade off was I knew in my heart that this man was completely incapable of betraying me. We were so crazy about each other that after 17 years we still marvelled at how it never got old between us and how lucky we were. It was incredible.<P>In Janaury 1998, husband decided that he had been sober long enough and that he should be able to have wine with dinner. The alcoholism escalated at an alarming rate. By March 1998, he had begun hating me because he was doing things to our business I did not agree with. I saw these things as dangerous and he started to see me as the enemy. <BR>By June 1998, he started doing covert things like buying old vintage cars and trucks with money from the business. My opposition to this infuriated him. His drinking was getting worse by the day. <BR>In August 1998, he wanted to expand our business without doing a feasibility study. I opposed it, he resented me. We bought the building anyway. I acquiesced because I was scared. I could see him changing and I caved to save my marriage. I was a wimp. <BR>In October 1998, I walk in the door and he tells me that he wants out of the marraige and wants to be rid of me. The following weekend he attends a party without me, I refused to go because of what he had said to me. He met the OW at the party and immediately got involved with her that night.<P>The rest you know. The fling lasted three weekends, she carried around an EPT test kit in her purse on two of the three weekends. I called her after their first weekend together and begged her not to see him, told her he was sick and alcoholic, she told me she didn't care and not to call or she'd kick my [censored]. <P>We separated from mid November 1998 until January 1, 1999. He was moody and angry when he came home. I found the forum in May 1999. He snapped out of withdrawal in mid-June 1999 when he read a post I had written a post here called my Once In a Lifetime. It had quite an impact on him. In spite of his intermittent drinking and one crisis after another over the past year, we are in recovery and doing OK.<BR> <BR>The XOW deliberately got herself knocked up had the child 8-19-99, DNA positive, court March 2000 and still waiting for final judgment. Husband has no interest or intention of having contact.<P>I flew out to see OW in early August 1999 two weeks before child was born. Talked six hours and I found out what I wanted to know and decide to stay with husband.<P>I am not chemically dependant, however, when I met my husband I was single, I was a party girl and I had gotten out of control and went in to be evaluated. <P>We had a long distance romance for a year, flying back and forth and writing letters and sending cards. We spent holidays together and Christmas 1979, he presented me with an engagement ring. We were married March 1980. He moved here and in June 1980, his two young children moved in with us. His X wife reliquished the children in 1975, long before I came on the scene.<P>We had a blended family and plenty of problems, but it never once effected our fidelity and our basic foundation.<P><BR>[This message has been edited by catnip (edited June 07, 2000).]<P>[This message has been edited by catnip (edited June 07, 2000).]<P>[This message has been edited by catnip (edited August 10, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by catnip (edited May 03, 2001).]

Here's my background and an update. Hope it's not too disjointed. <P>H and I have been married 5 years - second marriage for both of us - no children by mutual agreement. D-day was December 10, 1999. I found a tape of love songs she recorded for him. H denied through the middle of April that that they were anything more than "friends". I started plan Aing and changing my attitude. OW left her H the beginning of December and had been pressuring H to leave me. So the end of April he moved in with OW. H returned home 2 days after moving in with OW! (I knew it wouldn't work!) He moved back after agreeing to work on our marriage and giving up OW. The day after moving back, OW showed him the paperwork that she was pregnant. H was very loving to me for about 2 weeks after that. <P>Then he quit talking and turned surly again. Luckily, this whole thing has gotten him to talk more to me. He admitted that he doesn't know how he feels about the OC. I've made it clear to him that I'll help support and care for the OC - I've even offered to adoption it. But I also told him I will accept no contact with OW except as it relates to OC. I told H that visitations should take place at our house, not hers. OW has apparently made it clear that *I* am not to have anything to do with OC. BTW, the due date is November 18.<P>On 5-19, H moved in with a male friend for "a few days" to figure out how he's going to deal with OC. I told him I hoped he'd take my feelings into account and that there was a limit to what I can endure. So far he's been gone almost three weeks. But he has been here all day on weekends (including the whole Memorial weekend), comes over at night when he gets out of work early, and calls every night he's scheduled to work late. OW does not know he's staying with friend.<P>He admits this whole thing is a mid-life crisis. It also appears to me that his family has a history of depression. He is talking about anti-depressants now. After not being able to say I love you for a long time, he is saying it now. I really think he does love me, but can't stand the pressure of the OC. OW is no longer working with H, and I'm quite sure he hasn't had contact with her.<P>Doctor's appointment today (6-7): H was told he definitely had the symptoms of depression and prescribed Paxil. He also said he had too many problems to deal with on his own, and H has an appointment with a counselor on June 19. H plans to come home this weekend - hopefully for good!<P>I'm optimistic. I think the Paxil will do him good. He's been willing to take the Recreation Enjoyment Inventory, the Needs Assessment, and has read the MB basic concepts. So his attitude has already changed. Hopefully, we'll get the marriage on firmer ground before the baby arrives. We'll see. . .<P>Sue - childless<P>P.S. I'm convinced the OW purposefully got pregnant. <BR>

I'll try to be brief.<P>After around 17 years of marriage, I could see my H had changed. We've always consolidated our funds and anything he wanted was bought, but anything I wanted wasn't important. H spent a lot of time outside our home, but I never questioned his actions. (naive) After a while I just knew something was wrong and tried and tried to get him to talk to me. He finally told me about a month before the birth of OC that he had an affair - with his supervisor from his job. I was devastated. We went to counseling. EA continued through most of counseling. H said he was confused and didn't know where he wanted to be. Life for me during this time was a living h!!. He called me at work one day and said he had made up his mind. He told me then that OW was just someone he thought he wanted, but everything he loved and needed was in me. He's been treating me like a queen since. We had a couple of lapses like when I found out he was sneaking to see OC. Partial custody took care of that. OC is in our home every other weekend and accepted by our sons. It took a while for our older son, but he finally opened up his heart.<P>Sorry! I tried to be brief!<p>[This message has been edited by CD (edited June 10, 2000).]

Hi everyone,<P>I don't post anything very often but I do check in to see how things are going sometimes.<P>My bio is ...<P>I am 33, H 34 and OW 21. Married 9 yrs. One son 3 1/2 yrs. old. One miscarriage. Very difficult time becoming pregnant - one of the reasons why this hurts so much.<P>OC born 4/99. H and OW were both experiencing "issues" in their lives. "Counselling" each other resulted in OC. H was on anti-depressants at the time of conception. He had gone through a traumatic experience and I felt that H was going to do something stupid and he did. I suspected that something was going on and I was constantly trying to get him to talk to me but he wouldn't. It really hurt that not only had he kept his feeling from me but he had allowed himself to be in this situation and as a result produced a child with someone else. (OW admitted that she became pregnant because she "wanted someone to love me".) H has since stopped taking the medication and seems to be so much more grounded and our relationship has really improved.<P>H feels guilty about not seeing OC very often. (We basically see OC when it is convenient for OW to have H keep him because she can't find anyone else.) H says that he would like to just pay the money and not see the OC because this means having contact with OW. (She can't seperate herself from the OC. Anything H does is for "them".) We have offered to keep the OC permanently because OC really puts a damper of OW lifestyle. She probably would agree if she wasn't afraid of what others would think. <P>When OW was pregnant she was constantly in the doctor's office and it was thought that she would loose the baby but he survived. (I know it is ugly of me but sometimes I thought that if she did miscarry that it would be best for all concerned but God thought otherwise and that sweet little boy is here.) Ironically we were considering having another child when OC was born. I am still interested in having another baby because I come from a small family- 1 brother 100 miles away who is about to be married, both my parents and all my grandparents are deceased. I don't want my son to grow up alone in the world.<P>Thanks for listening<P>Troll<BR>

Sorry it's taken so long for me to reply...<P>I am 21, H is 24 we've been married since July '96 and we have a daughter born Sep. '98. OW is 20 and OC was born April '00.<P>H and I had been having difficulties in our marriage for a few months before affair began with OW. OW was a "close friend" of mine for about 2 years. I never really confided in her about problems within the marriage, but came to find out that H had been. Looking back makes me sick to think of all the things that OW was involved in. She's even in my daughters birth video tape. I'm still having a VERY hard time with the double betrayal. Also, to top it all off, OW is my BIL's cousin. <P>Right now we are currently awaiting the DNA results. They are actually ready, but we do not have the funds at the moment to pay it off. I've pretty much given up any hope that the child is not his. The OW has already filed for paternity, child support and visitations. Although she has refused to allow H ANY type of visitation so far. Right now that is fine with us, we want the DNA to be sure of the paternity before attachments start. Today we just received a letter from her lawyer in regards to upping the child support. Ugh, it never ends!!!<p>[This message has been edited by tryingtomoveforward (edited June 09, 2000).]

I found this group a few days ago & am just now posting. It has been unreal to me that so many of you are in same boat. A very sad relief to find you. Sorry we have to be in this boat together.<P>I am married 9 years & togther 12. He had 8 year old daughter by first marriage who lived with him. I raised her. Then we had two boys, now 6 & 7. In January 2000 I discovered letters from OW & filed for divorce immediately to protect my children. H didn't know I knew until the papers came. <P>Since then we have agreed to counseling & found MB. I didn't think it was possible to put together a marriage after all I had been through, but I now have hope.<P>Then he confesses about OW & her child, due in July. Of course she was seeing different men, but my H makes most income, so she is sure it is his. To make things worse, she works for him & his job could be lost if all this comes out. He hasn't left the job yet, though I am praying he will. I work from home & have decent income, but he is doing much better than I am. She stands to get over 1K a month if she gets support. <P>He and I are still shakey & I wonder if we can make it through her & the child. He could care less about the child but still has a small emotional attachment to her. After reading what the OW can do to you, I wonder if it is worth staying togther. But my intent is to give my children a home with both parents. I am very willing to work as hard as I can to provide that. <P>Pray for me & these boys. I am so grateful to find a group to talk to. I was feeling so alone. <P>Carolyn<P>[This message has been edited by takingcare (edited June 10, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by takingcare (edited June 10, 2000).]

Guess its my turn... just noticed this thread or I would have posted earlier...<P>H and I were married in 1990 after 2 girls in 91 + 92 I was so busy that he started feeling neglected, amplify this by the fact that H wasn't working and I resented feeling like I had to do that too, and there ya go... To H I was a valid reason for an affair... There were a few brief ones at first, then the current one started in October of 1994 and D day wasn't untill Feb 1998 (SuperBowl Sunday) I caught them at MIL's...... I have been told that OC was planned... OW and I were pregnant at the same time with OW's 1st (a son) and our 3rd (three girls).. I found out OW was pregnant when I was 3 months... she was 6.... H and I have been separated since a week after our daughter was born and though H has many times said he wanted to reconcile, I still see no remorse or change in his life that would make me believe we could make it as man and wife......<P>If you want to see where we are now, read "OW has an OM?????" I don't know what to expect as each day passes, but I am praying that some day my H will get the councelling and help he needs to break some really bad emotional and mental baggage he carries around so that we could even begin something reconstructive as far as 'we' are concerned..<P>well there is my mess... wish it was different but Ive grown in the Lord so much that I think there is some good in all of this... cozy

Here's my story. I'm 39, H is 52, married 10 yrs, together 13. No children. Affair started Aug.'96 and lasted 3 mos. No emotional involvement, just sex -- at least on H's part. OW was divorcing her H and looking for someone to take care of her and 2 daughters (age 4 & 6 at time?). My H told OW up front that he loved me (I know, funny way of showing it!) and had no intention of ever leaving me. Unfortunately, she thought she could convince him otherwise, and/or get me to leave. I'm convinced she got pregnant on purpose. OC born very premature, 4/97. <P>H and OW/OC have no contact other than financial support. She has full custody. OW and OC have contact with in-laws who accept them as "part of the family." This is another cross to bear for me. <P>H & I have been in counseling since D-day and are closer in some ways than we were before. H says it's like "dropping a bomb to cure crabgrass", but it helps to focus on any positive in a difficult situation. <P>When affair occurred, we were buying a house with intent to start family. That got put on hold once this all came out. I didn't want to have child if marriage wasn't going to survive. Now, I think it may be too late to have a child and that makes me very sad. <BR>-- DSR

Bringing this to the top for all the newbies.

I am not a new member to the forum, but I just found this posting last week.<P>Here is my bio...<P>Married for 15 years, we have two daughters (12 & 4) D-day was 12/3/99. Found out that H had 21/2 year EA/PA. H received CS papers in the mail concerning OC-son, born on 10/98. H works out of town, so that's why I open his mail. <P>I have had female problems, tumors, ect. H found it hard to tell me his problems with his job, and other issues. So he found OW to talk to and tell problems to. I always ask him about his day and what problems he was having--but he would not tell me. H said that it started with talking but more happen. Wanted to tell me, but the OW told him that I would leave him and he did not want that. Yes, OW knew he was married and still slept with him and supposely got pregnant from him (OW has two daughters from two different men). She has seen pictures of me and our girls. She has even asked H what I am like. PA had been over since the middle of 1999.<P>H said that he did not have any intentions of leaving me. He wanted and wants to stay with me and he that no matter what he loves me and never stopped loving me. He wanted to stay and work things out with me. <P>I question if I wanted to leave him, if I truely loved him and then why do I want to stay with him. I talked to my minister and he told me that if my H came to me and ask for forgiviness, then I was to forgive him. Because if Jesus did not forgive us, we would not be here. If he shows no remorse and has anger, then I would know that he is not sorry for what he did. I decided I wante to stay and work on my marriage. Not for our girls, but for me because I wanted to.<P>Concerning the OC. My H has bonded with this OC before I knew about him. My H is the type of man that wants to do the right thing and he wants the OC to be a part of our lives. I don't have a problem with that. I told him that I will never come between him and his child(ren), thats goes for our girls also. I told him that before I can accept this child into our lives and tell our girls, I would have to know that this is his child. In a sense I feel something for this child, maybe because it is a part of my H.<P>My H took the DNA test in January, 2000. The OW knew that she needed to take the OC to have the DNA test done, but never took the child to have it done. H saw child before Christmas (I saw OC also). Saw him again on 1/1, then did not see him again until Easter. H found out that OW was keeping OC from him due to the DNA testing. We are really wondering if child is really his. The CS case has be dropped.<P>We are slowly working on our relationship and we are dealing with us before we can really deal with OC.<P>Sorry to long------, but I am sorry for the pain that it has cause others, but am glad that this forum handles problems as mines. I'm just glad that I can come here to vent and to receive some understanding of my emotions. ITS

I am not a new member to the forum, but I just found this posting last week.<P>Here is my bio...<P>Married for 15 years, we have two daughters (12 & 4), I am 38, H is 39, OW is 25. D-day was 12/3/99. Found out that H had 21/2 year EA/PA. H received CS papers in the mail concerning OC-son, born on 10/98. H works out of town, so that's why I open his mail. <P>I have had female problems, tumors, ect. H found it hard to tell me his problems with his job, and other issues. So he found OW to talk to and tell problems to. I always ask him about his day and what problems he was having--but he would not tell me. H said that it started with talking but more happen. Wanted to tell me, but the OW told him that I would leave him and he did not want that. Yes, OW knew he was married and still slept with him and supposely got pregnant from him (OW has two daughters from two different men). She has seen pictures of me and our girls. She has even asked H what I am like. PA had been over since the middle of 1999.<P>H said that he did not have any intentions of leaving me. He wanted and wants to stay with me and he that no matter what he loves me and never stopped loving me. He wanted to stay and work things out with me. <P>I question if I wanted to leave him, if I truely loved him and then why do I want to stay with him. I talked to my minister and he told me that if my H came to me and ask for forgiviness, then I was to forgive him. Because if Jesus did not forgive us, we would not be here. If he shows no remorse and has anger, then I would know that he is not sorry for what he did. I decided I wante to stay and work on my marriage. Not for our girls, but for me because I wanted to.<P>Concerning the OC. My H has bonded with this OC before I knew about him. My H is the type of man that wants to do the right thing and he wants the OC to be a part of our lives. I don't have a problem with that. I told him that I will never come between him and his child(ren), thats goes for our girls also. I told him that before I can accept this child into our lives and tell our girls, I would have to know that this is his child. In a sense I feel something for this child, maybe because it is a part of my H.<P>My H took the DNA test in January, 2000. The OW knew that she needed to take the OC to have the DNA test done, but never took the child to have it done. H saw child before Christmas (I saw OC also). Saw him again on 1/1, then did not see him again until Easter. H found out that OW was keeping OC from him due to the DNA testing. We are really wondering if child is really his. The CS case has be dropped.<P>We are slowly working on our relationship and we are dealing with us before we can really deal with OC.<P>Sorry to long------, but I am sorry for the pain that it has cause others, but am glad that this forum handles problems as mines. I'm just glad that I can come here to vent and to receive some understanding of my emotions. ITS<P>

I have been with my fiance for 8 years and we have a 4 year old son, he has a 3 year old son with OW. We have basically had a long distance relationship (we met at college). Right now we are not doing well at all as a matter of fact I feel as if I have hit rockbottom, I am angry and resentful all the time. There is no communication,except in anger. I am caught between letting this go and giving it a try.

Hi. This was a good idea, thanks for bringing it up to the top. Here is our story: ~~updated with current info on 05/03/01 below.....~~<P>I am 24, H is 27, OC is almost 3. We have been married for 4 1/2 years together for 6. No children yet, this was planned, I am still going to school part time, and work full time. First year of our marriage was very tough, didn't think we would actually make it. OW is a girl he dated before me that has always hated me, thinks I took him away from her. And more, because my H is mexican and so is she that he shouldn't be with a "gringa". So, when she knew whe were having problems and he was at his brothers, she went to look for him and bingo bango their fling. This was about 2 months before our 1st anniversary.<P>Anyway, he told me about 1 month after our first anniversary. I was devastated, but decided to try to work things out. Then, about a year later we heard rumors that OW had had a child, and that she said it was his. She didn't try to contact us, but he called her and asked her, she said it was his but she wanted nothing from him. That she had wanted to be a mom and she got what she wanted, that she didn't need anything from him. I was leary but since she had never tried to talk to me or anything, I thought naively that maybe we were safe.<P>Fast forward to about 2 months ago. We get letter in the mail saying that we might be needing legal assistance and it mentions child support, so I look up in the state internet court cases and there it is. The filing order for child support/paternity. That was April. Tonight, we got served with papers, so we are starting the worst roller coaster yet I think.<P>Our marriage is strong but I fear this will be too hard to take. No one in our family knows, just his brothers. I could never tell my family. And don't plan on it unless I absolutely have to. I pray we make it through this, my H is a wonderful person and I know we can get thru this with the grace of God. It is still very difficult for me to ask God for help with this situation. I did ask a priest who said we have no obligation to emotional relationship with the OC, but child support yes.<P>Sorry this was so long. I am alone and feeling sad right now. I have no friends to talk to about this with. Just my H and though he is a good listener, it is just not the same. I am sure you can agree.<P>That is my story. Hope I can learn a lot here and someday be of some help to someone else.<P>happy_girl<P>5/03/01~~ we are now 25 and 28. we live in arizona. our marriage is doing great! we are so much happier than we ever were before. we have learned to better communicate, and how to keep our marriage alive and well. it has been rough, but has only made us stronger. <p>[This message has been edited by happy_girl (edited May 03, 2001).]