Hi! I'm glad I found this place, but at the same time I wish I didn't need it!<BR>Background: married 5 years and have 2 sons; one is 3 years and the other 4 mos. My husband didn't really have an affair. He slept with a woman before we married and she bacame pregnant. We asked her to place the child up for adoption --- she refused. (That would have been too easy! --ha!) She has made it her life ambition to make our lives hell. She chases us down and yells obnixious things, she drives past my home on a weekly basis, she tried to run me over (for this we pressed charges, but she threatened more child support if we didn't drop them so we did), she has recently built up the nerve to call my home, she invited my H over once to discuss CS, this was 4 years ago, she said that she wished to lower it in exchange for dental coverage and when my H arrived she answered the door naked! She is a b**ch! We agreed to have no contact with OW or OC, and led our lives as normal. We were very happy and in love. Until a few months ago she harassed my H in front of the child by causing a scene in the grocery store. My H has begun feeling guilty and wanted to begin seeing the OC. This is not what we had planned! We spent 1 week at each others' throats and finally agreed on a new plan. (I wonder how long this one will last?) New plan... wait until the child reaches 12 years of age (7 years from this Sept.) and then invite the OC over to talk. At this age he will not require his mother and will not be easily led by her intentions. (I teach 8th grade and I feel that I have a good idea of their mental state.) If he says he hates us and wants nothing to do with us --- oh well. If he wants to get to know us and his HALF brothers, then he will become a part of our family. My hope is that in 7 years this woman my have a husband of her own and not be after my H anymore.

Good Idea!<BR>I will try to make it short.I am 29yrs old H is 30yrs old.<BR>Married for almost 6 years, have a D 3.5 yrs old, H had a short affair (2 months) 4 yrs ago while I was 6 months pregnant. We have been working things out since then, wonderful H, matured, stopped drinking, changed jobs, moved back home, Best Father. 3 yrs ago received news from the mail that somebody claimed him as a father in a Birth Certificate, ever since then been paying back pay and CS, we have only dealt with the state not OW. OW lives FAR AWAY, we have no contact thank god! nobody in our family knows about this, just you guys. Been trying to work it out on my own but did not work, I felt alone and misunderstood. I am glad I found you guys, I come everyday maybe somebody will help me, maybe I can help somebody tomorrow.

up to the top for the newbies!!<P>------------------<BR>happy_girl

Bringing to the top for newbies.

just bringing this to the top for all you newbies. post your story here.<P>happy_girl

Hi,<P>I found out 2 mos ago that my H could be the<BR>father of a child born 2mos after our D.<BR>We've been married almost 2 yrs. I'm 34,<BR>H is 37. We had a whirlwind relationship<BR>and got married after only 5 mos of dating.<BR>I know that's quick but truly feel he's my<BR>bestfriend. Came into marriage w/ my son<BR>and now we have a newborn. D is 17 mos.<BR>We havent had any testing done because OW<BR>thought my H would just give her money.<BR>Now she has changed her mind when I found out<BR>and wanted the test. Afraid of the result if<BR>and when it's done. She's married, I wish she<BR>would have gone on with her life and left us<BR>alone. Sorry to have gone on...<BR>

Ten years ago my H had an affair that resulted in an OC. At the time I was having infertility problems and we had been trying to have a baby for a few years.<P>OC visited until she was one year old. Then mother refused to let my H see the OC because she did not want the child around me (now that's nerve!). She told my H that she thought he would leave me and marry her. My H told her - No Way - and so he stopped seeing the OC.<P>I found out year and a half ago that my H had started seeing the OC again when she was six years old. This led to crisis in trust and endless bickering about how this sneaking around was insulting and a betrayal of the trust in our marriage.<P>Once bickering started, H began having an internet affair which I discovered a few months ago. We went to counselling together and that really helped us resolve the internet issue. And we decided to work on putting our marriage back together. H says he loves me and I am the only one he wants.<P>H decided about a month ago that he would no longer have contact with OC. Two days ago, the OW calls me and lets me know that my H stopped by to see her and OC on this past weekend.<P>H is torn because he feels bonded to the OC and does not want to abandon his child. But, we now have two children of our own and I feel that he is abandoning our family if he continues his relationship with OC.<P>Right now I am taking "time out" to think about what I really want and how much of this I can handle for the rest of my life.<P>Finding this group was a lifesaver for me -- like so many of the rest of you, I have no one to talk to about this. I could never tell my friends and family what my H has done.<P>- Heavenly

Hi...Ill try to make it short. Me 24, H 24, ow 24...cozy huh. Anyway I have a daughter 2, a step-daugter 6, oc almost 1 yr. h is in the army and went away for over a yr..had affair. We have been living together agian for a little over a yr and working on our marriage since around Feb. (the last d-day...i hope) H is alcoholic and has a tendency to be self-destructive, which of course contributed to affair. We are doing well. I love him with all my heart. At one time he was my best friend and eventually is working his way back to that place in my heart. He has become a wonderful father to my daughter and has been a great H since he started trying again. I have very high hopes for our marriage. God Bless all...

Back up to the top

I am 28, H is 30 been married, 7 years, lived togeather 3years, dated for 1 year. We have 4 children 8,7,4, and 5mths. H has been put in jail 3 times for domestic abuse, 1st time for throwing a knife in my leg, 2nd for trying run over me with a car, 3rd for pushing me down the stairs when I was pregnant with our last baby. H has had numerous A, two stand out the most, One was with my own cousin who lived with me at the time, for a year, in my house, never had a clue, but that one, I cant talk about, at all. Second, was with ow who happens to be my brothers best friends sister, who my brother also lived with(the ow). H met her while he was kicked out of the house (on restraining order) after trying to run me down with a car. Anyway, he lived with her maybe 3mths, I don't know exactly how I got back with him, maybe it was the fact that I couldn't stand the thought of him being with another women, I don't know, any way, we got back togeather, I got prego, he continued to see ow the whole time, and here we are.<BR>Noodles<P>ps did I forget to mention that we are court ordered to go to counceling? Is that a new one for here or what? <p>[This message has been edited by noodles (edited November 06, 2000).]

flowerseed, 39 years old been with husband 6 1/2 years. 5 1/2 year old dauther. 2 years since nightmare started. After 5 years of living together I had it with our relationship I knew something was very wrong but at that time live in boyfriend would not talk about anything. I told him it was over I give up. He than told me that he had slept with someone else said it was a one time thing with stranger . Swore that no way there could be pregnancy. I thought that if he was this messed up over what he had done he really must want us to be a family. We got married at the end of July 99. He had quit his Job and had started a new one. Things where going great better than they had in a long time. The bomb dropped Nov 99 when girl he had worked with called and said my Husband had a 2 week old son. I totally lost it . He knew all along that she was pregnate and I had also suspected the affair was with this girl but he had assured me it was not. It was not a one time thing it was more like a 6 month thing. I felt betrayel worse than ever couldnt beleave he let me marry him without telling me the truth. I quit my job that same week she called and cried every day up until I found this site a few months ago. We got served papers in Feb 2000 had dna child is his so now a third of his check goes to a tramp. I am now getting out of this life what I want instead of living it for someone else. I started my own Business doing what I love to do. Opened up yesterday .I still am haunted every wakeing min with this nightmare. It never leaves my mind. I used to be so happy to be the age that I am and would say I didnt want to go threw growing up again. Now I look at the kids at the school when I drop my little girl off, I just think I wish I was little and could not have to feel this pain. With Love, flowerseed<P>------------------<BR>

H is 34,I'm 32.We have been married 12.5 years.WE have 3 boys,8,10 and 11 months.H met ow a year after we separated.THey lived together 8 months.He decided that he wanted toreconcile,ow almost had breakdown over it.She got pregnant the last week they were together.She went home to her native country before she found out.My h sent her money for an abortion ,but she used the money to return to the U.S.when she was 4.5 months pregnant.I was 10 weeks pregnant when she showed up on my back porch to tell me she was pregnant.FAST FORWARD:My h has fully supported her and the baby even beofre the child was born.THe baby is a year old.She won't allow any contact between the baby and me so he goes to her apartment every 2 weeks or so and stays the entire day.Her mother lives with her and doesn't drive.They live an hour and a half away.OW still calls my husband quite frequently even though she has had a boyfriend for almost 3 months.Our relationship has gotten much better over the last 4 months. Some days I question my sanity and motivation for staying,but he is a wonderful father and is becoming a much better husband.By the way my h never promised the ow a future,her admission,although something other than the oc still draws him to her.I don't believe at this point that anything sexual is happening,they argue most of the time.Thanks

To see our story, see "Our full situation, fyi"

Sorry I'm late, Catnip,<P> For the newbies from a semi-newbie,<BR>I'm 46(only look 45), wife 30(gorgeous), OM 35(looks 35)<BR> Married 8 years, met at hospital we both worked at( met in the recovery room, how sweet!) We have two girls, one 7, and Angel(by OM), I have an 18 year old boy and 16 year old girl by previous marriage, this is my wifes first marraige.<BR> Wife had approx two month affair with OM a year ago and got pregnant. OM was someone she was romantically involved with before we met(until she found out he was married). He is now divorced, no kids(oh, great!)<BR> Told my wife I still loved her and wanted to make our marriage work. Told her I had no problems with Angel, I love her as if she were my own, she is innocent.<BR> Offered to move to another part of the country, to raise Angel as if she were my own, tell friends and family that I had my vasectomy reversed, offered to have my vasectomy reversed for real( I was desperate!), told her to pick any city in the country she wanted to live, and I would move us there and find a job. She refused.<BR> She still says it would not be right not to allow OM visitation to Angel. She still takes her to see him aprox once a week.<BR> I am still working plan A, (sometimes seems like Plan*****on dealing with this jerk for the rest of my life). Wife still seems undecided, says she loves both of us(gut punch,kick to the groin, head butt!!!!) As you can see, I've been pretty beat up over this,(all right, all right, enough groaning.)<BR> I don't mean to make light of this, but sometimes my sense of humor( bad as it is), is all that keeps me sane.(Oh, and also the shock treatments!) <BR> Seriously, the people here are the best. No matter how bad it gets, there is always someone here who has it worse( read Catnip's bio, a strong, gutsy woman!) Post often, I'll help in any way I can!!<P> God bless you,<P>------------------<BR><P>Gregg

to the top for gemini

Hi,
Married 26 3/4 yrs. I'm 47 he's 47 ow, my friend 30 married 12 yrs 3 C. We have 1 son 21.<p>D-day Nov.13.<p>He left same day in tears.<p>In counseling not going to good most days.<p>Doesn't know what he wants to do about c.<p>I want nothing to do w/C. update...we TRIED visits and ow went berserk over ME being there to pick up c w/H. Wouldn't allow it so we stopped visits. Wanted H to visit at her home alone. Had 1 visit in late May. <p>C due may 1. update..c born end of April. H went to have private visit w/c. Paid and had paternity test done and was found "guilty". Ow asking for cs and hospital bills to be paid. Not established how much we'll pay each mo. yet. H also moved home for 2nd time as I threw him out 6 weeks before baby came. I wanted nothing to do w/c and he still did over me and our marriage. He moved in while I was at work. I still saw divorce lawyer a day later. He begged me. I let him try again and it's been mostly wonderful since.<p>I think MOST days we are through . It's too hard.
update...H was still in fog and guilty about baby coming. COUNSELED with ow with our former priest behind my back! Priest is now on trial for sexual misconduct and fraud as he posed as a psychiatrist! On trial as women came forth to say he touched them inappropiately. We changed parishes. H is remorseful for doing that.<p>
Will never be with ow, but maybe C. update...he's with neither. Ow still married w/other kids.<p>I feel he will sneak to see oc like other H here.<p>Won't happen. Marriage over if H ever lies again.<p>He moved back home a month to the day. We missed each other so much. Now I just don't know as my rollercoaster is driving us both crazy. <p>We should move on and heal alone as hard as it will be......
update....
Still together. 28th anniversary coming up in 3 months!<p>[ November 28, 2001: Message edited by: gemini1 ]</p>

Here's my bio.<p>D-day, December 15, 2000 (two days after my birthday)<p>ZebraBaby (32yrs old) Hubby is (29yrs old) we've been married 4.5 years. We have two children together 4 yrs. old boy and 1.5 yrs old girl. (kids are 5 & 2 now)<p>About a year and a half ago (right after my daughter was born) my hubby had an strictly sexual affair with a daycare worker from my daughter's day care. The result was a innocent little girl.<p>I was told about the child when the OW, who all along told my husband she didn't want him or anything from him, professed her love to my husband. Knowing the crazy things women do when in love, he told me immediately.<p>Our fist week was rough. Oh so rough. But through love, compassion, communication, help from our loved ones, and our committment to our children to allow them to grow up in a two parent home, we have found our way back on the path.<p>I have supported my husband in his desire to maintain contact with OC. He gets her usually no more than twice a month. <p>So sad to be apart of this club, but glad I found you when I did! I don't post much, but read tons.<p>Love,
ZebraBaby<p>[This message has been edited by zebrababy (edited May 04, 2001).]<p>Update 08/04/01<p>We have indefinately suspended visitation and contact short of sending the check. H says he can't stand to see my eyes when OC is around. Says he can tell I still remember. Also OW was being a royal pain in the you know what.<p>On the marriage front... all is well. H and I survived some fall out after the OW/OC issues were put to rest...we were dealing with issues that caused the breakdown of the marriage in the first place. <p>Life is good now... H and I are more in love than ever... if we could just get our finances in order it would be paradise!<p>[This message has been edited by zebrababy (edited August 04, 2001).]<p>update 11/27/01<p>Life is heavenly with H and our family. We hardly hear from OW and that's just fine by me. Time to concentrate on lifting what's here in this home. God is good and faithful.<p>[ November 27, 2001: Message edited by: zebrababy ]</p>

just bringing this to the top for the newbies, and for the oldies to post updates if needed. <P>happy_girl

Hey Happy Girl RN,<P> Where ya been?!<P><BR> Here's my update; I'm still 46!!<P> God bless you,<P>------------------<BR>Gregg

glynton,<P>you are too funny. thanks for always checking up on me. doing just fine. start school soon! i am excited. i have been around, just answering posts. talk to you later!!<P>happy_girl future RN