Hey Happy Girl RN,<P> My pleasure, Kiddo!<P><BR> God bless you,<P>------------------<BR>Gregg

Here I go...<P>I'm 30, H is 33. No children yet. We met in high school and have been in each other's lives ever since. We've been married for 12 years (6/30/01).<BR>We married so young, neither of us had a real clue about what our needs were and we SURELY didn't know how to even begin go about meeting each other's needs (known or unknown).<BR>After years of just existing, we began drifting apart. I went to school, got my degree, and did what I wanted to do. He obviously did the same. The EA was about 3-5 months. Just sex and a shoulder to cry on at first. Then the bomb was dropped.<BR>After she told my H about pregnancy, she told my H, 'Go fix your marriage'....but that was just the first in a series of lies, half-truths and misrepresentations of how she really felt.<BR>She thought if she gave him enough space, he would decide to leave me. After she realized he wouldn't leave, she began the manipulation games because she knew my H hadn't told me yet. As long as I was out of the loop, I think she felt like she still had a chance. Once I found out though, it finally became real clear to her that she'd made the biggest mistake of her life. Not only was he not going anywhere or leaving me, but now, she has to deal with his 'take no crap' wife. Since I found out and my H and I have been working on our marriage, she has tried almost every trick in the book, hang up calls...threats to go to child support enforcement...keeping child from my H....all of this even though she claims she wants H and me to be invovled in child's life. <BR>In reality I think she's scared to death her child will grow to love me....I JUST LOVE IT WHEN THE SHOE'S ON THE OTHER FOOT!!!! ha ha ha...all jokes aside, the best part about this whole thing is that she has no clue that I trust GOD that he'll bless me with the children I deserve. I want my own, not hers...and definatly not a child that my husband didn't even want in the first place?!?!?!<BR>Anyway, we're doing better than ever. We're still working on our marriage and understand that our differences are what helps to make our marriage interesting, not a combat zone.<BR>We just finished an adoption training course and look forward to having our own children real soon!!!

Hey Mathew,<P> Thanks for sharing. The people on this site know all too well about living with lies and deciet. Your faith will get you through this.<P><BR> God bless you,<P>------------------<BR>Gregg

Thanks GL...<BR>Exodus, 50:18-20<BR>"...you intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."<P>Love,<BR>MM

Ok, for the newbies, I will try to make it short. Most of you all know the major change in our situation, but I will start at the beginning, so the new comers don't have to search way back.<p>My H and I, much like Matthew, met in highschool, and got married at a young age. Before we got married, I had gotten pregnant, and we decided that we were too young to raise the baby, so we gave her up for adoption, that was 13 years ago this past Dec. My H has had more than one A, and I have had 2. The first one, I will admit, was purely to "get back" at him for his first one. I didn't know about any of the others until this last one of mine came out. Looking back, I think the major thing that caused me to "do it" was that we had been apart due to H going to military weapon school, then moving out here with out us from Jan 99 to Sept 99. Then, shortly after the kids and I got here, H left with the ship for 6 weeks. Basically, I met OM at a neighbor's bar-b-que. He was younger, and "paid attention" to me. We became "friends", and he kept pushing, asking about sexual things. I don't know, honestly, why I gave in, but I did. Then, Jan 2000, H left for his 6 month cruise, and OM started pushing again. I was definately in that fog they talk about. I really thought that I loved him. Well, H came home, and that fog started to lift, but when OM sensed that I was going to break off contact he started with the emotional blackmail that he had been subtly using on me the whole time. I fell for it, and H began suspecting. He confronted me, and I didn't fully admit to everything. When I talked to OM a little later that day, I told him it was over, he said that he was going to come over and tell H everything. Well, I was out front w/H when he showes up, and asks if I wanted him to tell H. I didn't, so I told him myself. H asked OM to leave, and OM became agressive, and refused to leave, even with both H and I asking more than once to have him leave. H threatened OM, and OM threw the first punch. I got a neighbor to break it up, and OM got kicked out of the housing area(his W had been gone for over 2 mos and wasn't coming back) He got in trouble for both the assault and the adultry. Both OM and OM's mother blaimed me for his "punishment". He left the island about a month after D-day, but we already knew by then that I was pregnant. We went through a lot, deciding what to do about the baby. As I stated in another post, our first thought wa abortion, but God wasn't about to let us do that. Then we thought about adoption, but my H didn't want me to go through that pain again, let alone trying to explain it to the other children(who know about their other sister). We finally decided that we would keep the baby and pray that OM never finds out. Well, Abbigail Rebekah was born on March 19, 2001 (the day after our 12th anniversary) and has been such a joy. Even on the nights that her schedule is messed up, or she decides to spit-up all her food on me! Daddy is so in love with her, it often brings tears to my eyes! H and I have forgiven eachother, and are working on our marriage. We have gone back to church, and are looking into membership there. In fact, they have a Marriage Builders group, we just need to find out when they meet.<p>I know, it was long anyway, but that's Tigger for you <IMG SRC="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/grin.gif"> That is the story of Sailorman59 and Tigger4jdt.<p>Tigger<p>Currently, we are seperated, due to the military, but keep in as close contact as possible. Mostly through email. We are very much in love, and have made great strides in the past 8 months since Abbi was born! Sailorman will be home in 5 more months, and I can't wait to see him again!!!!<p>[ November 27, 2001: Message edited by: tigger4jdt ]</p>

Hey Tigger,<P> I'm really happy for you, and Sailor, and Abbi!! Good for you guys!!<P><BR> God bless you,(take care of your voice!)<P>------------------<BR>Gregg

Thanks Gregg,<P>I know that your W is still on that fence of having Angel see OM. Sometimes it is better to have something major happen, like what happened here, for the fog to disappear. I continue to pray for you and for Floored. Speaking of, I hope he is ok. I haven't seen any posts from him lately.<P>Thanks again,<P>Tigger

Brought to the top for information and for cd.<P>- heavenly

Brought to the top for Zebrababy...

up up up for all the newbies who wanna know who all these oldies are and are they qualified to give advice. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>newbies... feel free to add your story here. if you already posted it somewhere else.. just copy and paste to save your fingers.<p>oldies... go in, edit your original post and give us an update.<p>lets keep our stories in one spot so we can pull it up when needed.<p>the zebra baby!!! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ November 27, 2001: Message edited by: zebrababy ]</p>

Im 48 H 46,OW 34, married 26yrs. Together 28.
2C 22 &19, 2OC 3 1/2 and 5mo.<p>D-day was 8 months ago. H confessed of 6 yr. A with co-worker. EA probably began 1 or 2 yrs prior. Keep in mind this woman knew me, house sat, and watched our C while we were on vacations.<p>During this period many red flags were raised. I questioned H many times over the years and he denied any involvement other than friendship with this OW. She was a divorced single mother with many problems of her own, and H was more than willing to be her support person.<p>When first OC was born I questioned H as to who the father was, and at that time his answer was "no one knows, she won't say". So I figured yea! she found someone. So I let down my guard thinking there was someone else in the picture. But still in the back of my mind there were gut feelings. <p>Two years ago, OW called me up out of the clear blue to clear the air, and to assure me that there "was never or is not anything other than friendship between the two of them". She told me under no circumstances had she ever slept with H or was H the father of OC. So guard let down again. <p>Fast forward to 8 months ago. H sits me down to say he needs to talk. He confessed of A and then hit me with the added bonus that OC #2 was on the way, and he was ready to take on responsibility for his involvement with OC. <p>We are currently working to repair marriage with counselling. Informal visistation set up (on hold now because of 3 yr old not wanting to come to our house) and CS payments of $1,500. And OW still employed with H (his assistant). Very tough situation, and very rocky road ahead, but with 28 years of history, we are not ready to abandon marriage. <p>Tina

Unicornlove: 31 H-56, OW-27, OC-Oct. 97-4 years old
D-Day March of 97
I live in Chicago. I have a 12 year old daughter, H and I have a 9 year old son.
Affair lasted 94-97 on again-off again, she would call me every time she had gotton my H back in the palm of her hands which amounted to 3 until pregnancy. When she was pregnant got a job working at my childrens school and befriended my then 8 year old daughter. Before I could find out she left the school. She is the most psycho woman I know. <p>OW and I have horrible relationship which led her going to jail for 3 days. We do have contact w/ OC. I love her but it is hard on her and occasionally hard on me. <p>My h pays 560 in child support and what pisses me off is that she just purchased a brand new house and new benz and has no man. I am assuming that she is waiting for my h to come back (yeah right)<p>Since I first started lurking, this forum brings so much peace to my life. I guess it is b/c we have the same crazy situation in common. I say to you all who have posted you have helped me a great deal. Although you may forgive you never forget and some days are good and some are bad.<p>Thanks
Unicorn

Up Up Up.... I know there are more stories out ther. Z.

I am 33 and so his h. We have been together for 9 years and married for almost 7. We have been through a lot mostly due to h need to destroy good things in his life. Unemployment, drug addiction, relocation, and finally what I thought was some normalcy. Then it all came to a crashing hault. September 11, 2000 (not 2001)the apt. we had lived in collapsed due to termite damage. No we did not live in a shytty place, but I guess looks can be deceiving. We literally lost everything we owned. As we are trying to recover from this...D-day. The affair took place early 2000 for approximately 3 months. My h and I were told in June of that year that he would have difficulty fathering a child due to previous drug use and diabetes. So much for medical science. I found out the end of Nov. 2000 that he had an affair. We confirmed that he was daddy in March of 2001.
We pay CS and have bi-weekly visitation. We are working on drafting legal terms and having a judge sign off. Our lawyer thinks this will be best because all parties are in agreement at this point and there is no need to go into court.
D-day anniversary was this week. Started decorating my house for the first time since Christmas of 1999 and realized just how many decorations we used to have before we lost everything. Kinda down these days...but I will bounce back. OC is precious and easygoing. In that way, we have been blessed.

I think this is where you post your story. This is mine. I am 38, my H is 36. We have known each other for 11 years, married for 8, separated and living in diffrent spaces for 2 and 1/2 years,(but in constant contact) and divorced for 8 months. I was unable to concieve a child in our marriage. In our time of separation I have basically been the fish on the end of my H fishing pole. Cast me out and reel me back in. The last cast was his tryst with ow that resulted in oc and our divorce. To be fair, I also went wayward during our separation. Difference is he is being "fined" 250,000.00 for his few moments of pleasure. In my heart (although not legally)I am still married to him as I love him very much. We had troubles in our marriage before oc but this has made all other issues seem trivial. H is now being garnished 1700.00 a month for a child he wants no part of. Now H wants me back. Says he has realized what we had and wants to make a go of it. He wants me to move back into the house. Problem for me is that he is in financial ruin and I am afraid this may be the main reason he is now so eager for me to come home. Other hand is that this is something I have wanted all along and why am I now getting cold feet? My friends and family are encouraging me to move on and not look back. This road is so hard to walk alone. I want the strength to continue. I hope this is a proper forum for me even though I am legally not married anymore....

Let me start off by saying thank you for having this forum. I've posted my concerns and questions on other boards before, but no one seemed to truly understand. But everyone does here. Thank you.<p>I'm 26, h is 28. We have 3 children together ages 7, 5.5, and 1. DDay was OCT 97, a phone call asking if I knew (my h) and if we are together or not. H is in the military and was stationed overseas. He told her we were seperated. Figured he could party for a while and come back w/o me knowing anything. But then the baby came. OC was born on July 4, (of all days, big trigger) '00. She's 3, right in the middle of my 5.5 yo son and 1 yo daughter. He begged her to abort, she refused. She tried to ruin his career when she couldn't have her way, with no luck. OW and I talked after he got back to the states to clear up all the lies. This was while he needed time to think. He made it clear he didn't want her, but she was in denial. Talking with me was fine until he moved back with me. She couldn't take it. Now she hates me. Boohoo! What gets me sometimes is my h wants to "be a man and take care of his" but rarely does. They mutually agreed to an amount of child support (chump change compared to amounts in the states) but he doesn't pay. He doesn't call the OC regularly, and takes forever to send gifts on special occasions. But he wants to do the right thing by the child. I support him 100% where she's concerned, but when he fails to do these things, he looks bad and OW gets mad. I tell him, if you do what you promise, she'll have no need to bother you/us. I'm sure she doesn't want to believe he's being neglectful. It's gotta be that big bad wife of his that's stopping him. Whatever. Still in denial. <p>Anyway, everyday is hard and it's been 4 yrs. But it gets better everyday too. Triggers are the hardest though. Don't know when or how to tell our kids. And the poor OC. What a tangled web we weave...

Hello,
Here is my story.
Back in November 2000 I got prengnant my dh was very upset he said he did not want other child. I said I was not going to have an abortion. We were having some problems. i went to my Dad's with my two girls for Thanksgiving and he went with his friend who brought other friend along. He did not tell me about being friends with this new woman. My dh said that may became friends and that he was attracted to her. Ofer christmas I when to see my mom for two weeks and the last weekend I was gone he met her and just talk about stuff and my dh told about me being pregnant and that we were having problem. I came back he spent the next weekend with me and the girls. I asked him if he met someone because I was supicious. Anyway, the next weekend he went with I thought with a friend but it was the OW. Anyway, that night they had sex and countiue for about 3 to four weeks my dh doesn't remember. I asked him that first night if he had sex with other woman he denied it. Like I say was supious until Beginning of Feburary that is when he broke it off and a week later she told him she was pregnant with his child.
While the affair was going I was bleeding and my dr. said he it was a good chance that I will m/c. I had two previous m/c. My dh told me at the end of February that he had an affair and that the other might be pregnant. I was very upset. I started to get cramps and bleed a little. At that time I decided to block it out of mine because I did not want to loose this baby. My son was born premature but healthy. Thank God for that.
Well the OW had her son a week ago and now I feeling hurt and sad and angry. I have a 3 month old a 2 year old and a 5 year old. I cry every day and I don't know what to do. I thought I wanted to work things out and we started to work back in Feb.
My dh told me that the OW told me before that she told him back in Dec. she slept around but it was his impression when they started to sleep together that she was not sleeping with anyone else. But now he has his doubts about that. The OW is the type to go out the bars every night. And he said that he only saw some weeks once a week and some twice a week.
My dh knows from his friend that at the first u/c sound the guy that she was sleeping with back in December was there. Why would guy be there that she broke off relations with be at the u/c. A few days after the OW found out she was all over this other guy at the bar. So my dh has some doubts that it is his.
O.k. the OW has not file for a paternity testing or child support. His friend told the other OW to call him so they get going on the paternity testing to find out if it his or not. The other OW moved he just found her number and called her. The OW just hung up the phone and him. Why do you think that the OW does not want to file for paternity testing. She told my dh friend that she want his name on the birth certificate but his friend told her she can't do that because she is not married to him and that my dh wants a paternity test done. We also moved so she does not know our address and has not attempted to get into contact with my dh. I wish I knew what she plans on doing. She refused my dh to go to the hospital to see the OC. My dh is waiting to see what she does. The OW does not make that much more than mininum wage. She is a child care aid. I am going crazy I want to know if this OC is my dh.<p>My dh said if it his he wants a relationship with the OC. I don't know if I can handle that but I am not going to tell my dh not to see this OC because I know that this OC deserves a Dad.
I was wondering how you get through seeing this OC with my dh and if it brings everything back again? Also I told him that I want to be there when he picks him and he should talk to her as little as possible. <p>Do you think that this OW is going to intitate the paternity testing. She has been told that my dh will fight for joint custody.<p>O.K. my husband called her. He said his name and she hung up on him. He called back and left his number on the machine. I don't know what she is planning on doing. So far she has done nothing. She does not make much money. My dh thinks her parents are helping her.<p>I just feel that she has a hold on us until we find if my dh is the husband or not. As of now she has not taken any action. However, the baby is only two weeks old. i keep thinking it is only a matter of time that she won't be pissed off at my dh and file. I wish I new if she slept with anyone else during that time. <p>Any advice please. I don't know how I will handle it if this is my dh kid. Does it get it easier with time seeing the OC? <p>
Update:<p>My H trying calling OW but she hang up on her. He does not know if he wants contact. H still has his doubts it is his.<p>
We are not doing so good right now. I want to know when it happened it does not remember. He can probably get his cell phone bill from work but he does not want to. I found a credit card bill stating there was a charge on Decemeber 26 2000. He said he would let his friend use his credit card to make a reservation but did not remember doing it for motel 6. He told me that was where it happend the first time he thought. That was the only day Motel 6 had for him staying there. I know that OW went away with her family for Christmas for a fact. So my h did not think that it was that day. Not sure what to believe. <p>Why can't just find out for me? Why does he get upset when I talk about my feelings and what happended and does not want to answer my questions?
Dawn