The divorce process has begun. The attorney has been chosen, summoned and he is beginning the process.<P>We will continue on as we are but not be legally married. No one will know we are divorced except the NY court and of course, OW.<P>Does this mean I can date? Does this mean HE can date??? (just kidding)<P>Catnip =^^=

I am so sorry that this is the route that you must take to protect yourself. You will always be married in your hearts and of course in the hearts and minds of your family. I hope that no one else will find out from the OW, who knows what she will do. I am sure she will still get joy knowing that she has caused you to go this route. All of my prayers and wishes for you. You have had a FULL day.<P>babstr.

What kills me is that these OW seem to have no concern whatsoever about the havoc they create- not only for their own children, but for the H & W! I am continuously asking myself "Have they no shame?"<P>It's so sad that this seems to be the only way out. I must commend you though! What an ingenius scheme! It never occurred to me.

Babstr: Thanks for your empathy. I truly appreciate your concern about the OW contacting our family. I don't think she will. She's pretty gutless. AND she 1200 miles away. That's the best part. <P>I think every day is a full day for all of us. New revelations, new scenarios and surprises...none of it good, it seems.<P>Popeye: Last August 4, 1999, I flew to NY on the spur of a moment for a "surprise" unannounced visit to the OW's house. <BR>After her initial shock of meeting "the wife" and when her defensiveness passed (I was extremely disarming) she invited me onto her deck for ice tea. I watched her waddle into the kitchen, pregnant and huge carrying my husband's child. <BR>I felt the stinging in my eyes and nose but did not cry. My heart hurt inside my chest and I couldn't breath so I swallowed an aspirin--dry, and hoped like hell she'd return soon with that ice tea.<P>We talked for over 6 hours until 1:30 in the morning, and she was an open book. She couldn't tell me enough about the fling with my husband. I found out things then that I buried so deep, they are just surfacing now.<P>She broke down sobbing, begging my forgiveness, telling me she was afraid she'd go to hell for what she had done and she was afraid of the karma. <BR>I truly thought she meant what she was saying. I felt so much compassion for her, I even held her in my arms while she cried! <BR>She mumbled something about "sisterhood" and how we women have to stick together and honor eachother's families and not get involved with each other's spouses. she vowed she would never do this again.<P>I remember thinking she smelled like warm milk and sausage and noticed she had a huge head and wondered if the child would have a huge head, too.<P>I bet delivery was a nightmare. meow<P>She went on to say that she only "wanted just a little money for the baby". That isolated moment of decency passed quickly.<P>She sued us for $3,000 per month, plus medical, plus lawyer fees, plus reimbursement of hospital fees, and even wanted David to reimburse her mother for rent since December 1998.<P>That's a lot more that a "little bit of money for the baby"...it includes a free ride for Mom!<P>Catnip =^^=<P> <p>[This message has been edited by catnip (edited June 09, 2000).]

That OW is a real pro. Funny how they get greedier as each day passes, and those wellsprings of conscience dry up. 3K is hardly chump change. She could feed a 3rd world whole village with 3 grand, for a month! May your hard earned money spring up and bite her in the a$$.<P>How does David feel nowadays?

Thank you, PollyPB...<P>At the risk of sounding vindictive and in need of therapy, I bask in your anger on my behalf.<P>I find that we all go through many different emotions throughout the course of a day...or a thread. As soon as I feel compassion for the OW or longing for the OC, I get slapped down and find her hands in my pockets.<P>Catnip

Catnip,<P>I feel your anger. I really don't have too much sympathy for the OW, or OC I hate to say. I guess I figure the OW is in charge of the OC, just like I have to look out for my child. She sure as he** wasn't thinking of me or my child when she screwed my husband. Or when she decided to go after money two years later. All I know is she has no problem going about her daily life. I really wish I would have gotten to talk to her yesterday. But I am sure I would not have stayed calm. Good luck, I hope now you can gain control of your life, and move on. That is all I want, control of my life.<P>babstr.