I am trying to figure out if H and I should go see lawyer prior to birth of OC. My gut feeling is that we should have our ducks in a row prior to her coming at us. Would wait on DNA test before offering child support. I would rather make an offer & set terms without her dragging us to court. H and I haven't discussed in too much detail & I don't want to pursue with him if it isn't worth doing. Or should I just discuss with a lawyer on my own as self-preservation?<P>Does anyone else have an opinion or "hindsite" on this issue?

takingcare,<P>Well, I think speaking with a lawyer prior to the birth would be a good idea. First you can start figuring out what to expect from the legal system should OW choose to go that route. We tried to offer & set terms with OW to try and avoid the whole legal court battle... but she (& her parents) have choosen to persue us in court anyhow. So be ready for her to drag you to court even after you've set up terms that are very reasonable...<P>Also, as far as DNA testing, we choose the DNA Diagnostic Center, <A HREF="http://www.dnacenter.com" TARGET=_blank>http://www.dnacenter.com</A> because the fee for us only ended up being $493.00, and those results can be used in a court of law.<BR>

<BR>takingcare,<P>I strongly recommend seeking a lawyer. I don't know what state you are in, but some states (e.g., Michigan) count the income of both the husband and wife in setting child support for an OC! In such cases, it may make more sense to divorce and cohabitate, in order to "judgment-proof" yourself from some mercenary OW. And I would operate on the assumption that the OW *WILL* sue for the maximum in child support.<P>Bystander

By all means, see a lawyer to see what you can do to protect yourself ala what the others just said. Have your "plan of attack".<P>However, we were told by a lawyer that no agreement made with the XOW prior to the birth would stand up later in court, so in that sense I'd say you'll have to wait on agreements.

Sometimes in life the best defense is an offense, however, not in cases such as ours. <BR>Like Jenny said, whatever arrangements are made before the birth are pretty much a moot point AFTER the birth once attorneys and the court get involved.<P>Bystander suggested an option that sounds scary, however, my spouse and I are divorcing to protect what little we have left. I got past the uncertainty of it and now welcome an opportunity to keep what I have worked so hard for where it rightfully belongs--with us.<P>See your attorney as soon as you can.<P>Catnip =^^=

I concur with everyone you need to see a lawyer for yourself and for the options that you will face in regards to OC. Whether things work out, and you stay, or leave, or divorce like catnip you need to have what little protection you can get. Do your research, and find out as much as you can.<P>babstr.

For what it is worth, I support the others here. See what your options are with a lawyer are and see what you can do to protect yourselves. There is no such thing as too much knowledge in this situation. Good luck, Tg

Thanks for all the response. I have contacted my lawyer & will see him soon. His assistant did tell me that I could file for support now for my children. I talked with H and he is in total agreement that whatever happens, he wants to protect me & children from OW and whatever additional havoc that could possibly be sent our way. He is willing to do whatever it takes. That is a positive for both of us & hopefully we can stay togther. I know that we do not have to divorce to set up support agreement. And only his income would be involved. Anyway... thanks & I will post results after I talk with my lawyer. <P>Carolyn

Carolyn, thank you for you kind words in my desperate moment. I too think we need to see a laywer. But as you can guess when it rains it poors. Property taxes are due, registrations are due so on and so forth. We will need to pay to see a counselor and a laywer. Any ideas on the costs for a laywer? I'm not sure you want to post online but I'm starting to feel very trapped and don't know where to turn. Also where would I find a laywer?

LSM, someone who specializes in family law is the best in this situation. Check with your local Law Association & see if they can give you names to call. They may even know what $$ per hour is for each person. Call a few & talk first. That is free (or should be). Get a feel for them & ask rates, etc. <P>You may be able to read about your state law on internet. I know I found mine & did a lot of reading. It was helpful & gave me specific areas to target (inheritance, ability to establish child support for my children without a divorce, etc.)<P>I am talking to mine tomorrow on this & will post later on what I hear. I honestly think it will be worth the dollars spent to set up defense on front end.<P>Be kind to yourself & don't fret yourself into a bad spot. It is easy to do. And check with health insurance on what they may provide for counseling. Tace care... Carolyn