I'm so frustrated right now!! First of all the bills just keep stacking up. We are so in debt right now. We had to move in with H's parents a few months ago because of all the debt, and it doesn't seem like we can even begin to catch up! Now, on top of not being able to pay the DNA test off, not being able to afford a lawyer, etc., the OW has filed a motion with the court charging my H with contempt of court for not yet paying CS. On top of that she is also asking that H reimburse her for a partial amount of HER attorney fees!! <P>Well, we thought all would be alright, because H, was trying to get back into the Army. Well, we found out yesterday he was denied. So now he's stuck at a job that pays pretty darn sh*tty. None of us have medical insurance, not to mention vehicle insurance. I'm currently looking for a job, but not sure how I'm going to be able to even start my daughter in day care. I figured it will cost at least $250 just to get her enrolled and pay for the first week. So I think I'll start waitressing so I can do it in the evening so my mom can watch her. I just hate having to continually ask for help. I also went to get state medical assistance. I feel so low!!<P>On a higher note, I enrolled in college today so eventually I can be self supportive. I do not want to depend on others for my well being!!<P>I'm so glad I can vent here!! <BR>

ttmf,<BR>I'm so sorry to hear that your having financial problems. I can understand your anger and frustration. I am sending positive vibes your way.<P>Congratulations on enrolling in college. What an exciting step for you. Way to go!<P>Best wishes,<BR>Audrey

Dear tryingtomoveforward: <BR>I know all these things are extremely overwhelming to you! Belive me I know! But things do get better it only takes time. I would like to give you my advice since I have been in your shoes. I am extremely proud of you and I think that going to college is the best thing you can be doing for yourself. You will feel so much better knowing that you are doing something to make yourself worthy. My story is a little bit different but I have suffered many financial dificulties due to my H BIG MISTAKE!!! that is how I call the CS,OC and OW. You are very lucky that you have a family who is willing to help you, so be thankful for that. <BR>I think though that your husband needs to handle the OW,OC,CS issues and try to keep you out of it as much as possible. In reality it was his mistake and it is his responsability not yours. So don't take it so hard on yuorself, YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG!, remember HE DID IT TO HIMSELF and unfortunatelly to you and your child however there is light at the end of the tunnel, in the long run it is only money right? <BR>I was in the same position you are now living in my in laws house no job a baby and my husband had a poor job, I can tell you now,that after 3 years, my husband has a decent job, I have a Masters degree and a great job that helps support the family, my daughter is in a wonderful daycare center and little by little we have been paying off his CS debt that accumulated after he lost his job and could not find one for 6 months! Maybe your H and you should try to contact the CS agency and see if they can help you without lawyers to be invloved, maybe they can create a payment plan based on your H income and an agreement that when your H finds a better job with insurance he will insure the child as well. Just a thought these Agencies care about the children not the parents so they will negotiate any possibility with your H. In the mean time you should try to keep your spirits up and know that this position is only temporary.<BR>Hang in there we are here to help you cope I know it is not hard but it will get better. The sunshine always come out after the storm!

Thanks for the support you guys!! I almost felt foolish for even posting such a negative rant when I woke up this morning. It's just really nice to be able to get things off your shoulders here. Lord knows I hold entirely too much in most of the time! It feels good to hear that there are poeple out there who know what you are going through and care.<P>Fambis, thanks for the advice. Right now I feel like I'm on a sinking boat that won't ever see the light of day again. I've cried more in the last few days than I have for a looong time. Hearing about someone who was in almost the exact same pair of shoes I'm in, and made it out great, really helps. You are so right in that I know that I let this whole issue weigh heavily on my shoulders. I need to let it be more his issue in the future. In the meantime I'm looking for the sight of sun rays filtering through this mess!<P>Audrey, I appreciate the positive vibes. The support helps me more than you know.<P><BR>

Why wasn't your H allowed to get back into the Army? My H is retired AD. he tries to keep up with things. OUr son just enlisted (H was an officer); son is trying for OCS. He told me that they are very short personnel. did he consider active Guard or Reserve? From what we understand, the military is so short people these days. I know that they are accepting enlistees without HS diplomas now, which they wouldn't do 7 years ago. What rank would he be? <BR> I agree that paying the CS rankles. I could use the money to send kids to college.<BR>Well do not give up. Stay strong.

Texasgirl,<P>My H was AD for 2 years. While serving near the DMZ in Korea he became very ill. The cause was and is unknown. It was thought to be several different things, but no conclusive diagnosis was ever given. The symptoms were pretty bad though. He would bleed from the lungs, which he would cough up. His kidneys also started bleeding, so he began urinating blood. He had several blood transfusions while in the hosiptal in Seoul. He ended up getting medevac'd to Hawaii. There he recuped. The end result of all this was a medical discharge from the military, which he did not want. The discharge code he was given does allow for re-entry into the military based on several different factors. At the time he was an E-4.<P>Now fast forward over two years. His health has been perfect. No new episodes. He's been given a clean bill of health by several pulmonologists, nephrologists, and the VA. He then went to a recruiter to get back into the Army. The packet got as far as the Surgeon General's office. There they decided that because no one could guarantee that he won't get sick again, they refuse re-entry into the military.<P>My whole beef about it is this: First of all he was medically discharged with 0% disibility. So why, if he is absolutely not disabled, according to the military, will they not let him back in. Second, how can anyone guarantee that his health will be 100%?? The Dr's that included letters of recommendation to the Army stated that he is no more likely than anyone else in the population to become ill with the same symptoms again. How much more reassurance do they need?? To me the whole thing is disheartening. My H's dream since very young has been centered around the military. So on top of all the other depressing crud, now he's trying to re-evaluate his life goals. <P>So that's the deal with that junk. I'm not giving up yet. And you all are definately helping me stay strong. Thanks!<BR><p>[This message has been edited by tryingtomoveforward (edited June 24, 2000).]

Dear Tryingtomoveforward,<P>Hi! You responded to one of my posts, thanks. I just want to say I am sorry for all the the OW is doing. The first family seems unimportant, but a woman who goes out with a married man gets whatever she wants. I just don't get it. Good for you for going back to school. I am in school now and hopefully will enter nursing school full time in January. We have yet to hear from the courts even though I checked and she filed the paperwork back in April. Don't know what the hold up is, they have his name, DOB and address. What are they waiting for??<P>What are you going to school for? Have anyone ever thought of divorcing your husband just so they can't touch your income. And just living together like before. Or then getting remarried, with some kind of prenup preventing sharing of income? Just thought it might help so the OW can't come back and want what I earn. Anyone in Arizona??<P>Keep your head up and go to school. Soon, I am sure things will look better. God doesn't give us what we can't handle! I just wish I hadn't had to go thru this. But like the saying goes "What doesn't kill us, will only make us stronger!"

Tryingtomoveforward<P> You will be in my prayers. Keep your chin up!<P><BR>Happy-girl<P> Did you consult a lawyer yet? You said the OW filed for support in April. In my state, according to the legal advice I received, your H will be responsible for support from the date the OW filed. IF it's the same in your state, that means whenever you go to court your H will have to back from April. Are you getting any legal advice about that? I would hate to see you guys end up with current CS payments plus overdue back payments.<BR> <BR>

TryingTMF,<BR> There is no shame in accepting temporary support. I did it, when my XH left. That was the original purpose of government assistance... to help people in dire circumstances. <BR> First, some helpful hints:<BR>1. Check with your local welfare agency about WIC. If you have a child under 5 years old and your income is below a certain level, you may qualify. You get vouchers (not food stamps) for milk, tunafish, peanut butter, cereals, baby formula, bread, cheese, and eggs. I'm sure that there are more items to this list, just don't remember.<BR>2. Also, at the welfare office, you can check into child-care subsidies. As a single parent who went back to school at a late age, the were a life-saver. You can usually take your pick of day-care centers, as long as they are certified. Up-scale day-cares usually charge an arm and leg, so don't bother with those.<BR> I found a wonderful day care for my daughter. They charged on a sliding scale. Based on my income at the time, they charged $78 per week. The child-care subsidy paid all except for $11 per week... that is what I paid. <BR> Congratulations on your decision to go to school. I am one year away from receiving a degree in nursing. I'm very glad I did it! You will be, too!<BR> Mynabird

Oops, let me add, you can qualify for WIC even if married. I'm fairly certain that the same applies for the subsidies.<BR> Mynabird