Hello to all! I was amazed that this forum existed, though I am glad it is quite disheartening to know that many of us must deal with such situations.<BR>My situation is a little different in that my fiance (was my fiance) and not my husband has a son with the OW. I found out about two years ago and I am still faced with the same anger and ever-present resentment. Sometimes I feel as if this resentment is overwhelming. How do I move on? Can I move on? How will I ever trust him? All his deceit and lies and disrespect anger me and leave me so suspicious. My tale is a long one that I would love to share to gain the different perspectives that I would get from this forum. God bless you all! Talk to you soon

Hi Leelee,<P>Love your name. You are in a good place. I just found it and it is great. I can see how you would feel the same deception and feelings we have. But, I have to say, try to look at the bright side. Yes, there is one. If you do decide to stay and marry this man, you don't have to deal with the stigma of an affair that produced a child. I know my family would have no problem accepting a child conceived before we married, but I could never tell them about this. And, you can still get out if you want to. It is a bit harder once you are married.<P>I think you must sit down and talk to him and he has to agree to complete honesty. How can he expect you to trust him. Trust is earned not given and he has broken that trust. Now he must earn it back from you. Think long and hard about if this is the person you want to marry. Trust is extremely important in a marriage. Deal with these things now, before you get married. Does he see the OW and have contact with the OC? Was he seeing the both of you at the same time? I think you have come to the right place. Welcome and hope I didn't sound harsh or mean. Take care!!

Welcome!<BR>Are you married now? If so, your situation is a lot like mine in that I was engaged when it happened to me and not yet married. We all feel the same anger and resentment ---your are normal, of course you feel these things --- you have been betrayed by the one you love the most. It hurts when you put you heart and soul into something only to have it distroyed. <BR>What does your husband (or fiance) whant to do about the situation? Does he have any contact with OW or OC? The trust (if he is worthy of it) will come back. It took me a while, but the more I watched my H and saw the remorse for what he had done it became easier to trust. (Mine was only a 1 night stand. He knew her from years past. They had met in a bar and had sex a few times several months before we became involved. And then he went out drinking with his friends and ran into her again. Like they say, it only takes 1 time!)<BR>I have my story posted under "can't handle situation". <BR>Remember you are not alone. And time does heal all wounds!<BR>Good luck!

Thanks all for the wonderful words! No we are not married and we have been struggling for the past two years to try and salvage this relationship. We were college sweethearts and then once we graduated we got engaged and then I found out we were pregnant. We returned to our hometowns to try and find jobs, we were silly enough to continue this long distance relationship for so long and to make it even worse we had our son long distance. The OW is from his hometown, I found out after the child was born and after I had moved to his state. I left shortly after finding out and early in 2000 he moved to my state to make it work. It is a great deal easier that OW and OC are quite a distance from us but she is full of such drama...she was mad that her little scheme (of having his child) didn't work, so she had put an order of protection against my fiance. It's this drama that gets to me. I want to live a life with as little drama as possible and just seems that being with him brings so many complications. I leave it to God but I just get so frustrated. Take care!

Leelee... I was about to say that I would seriously consider dropping the relationship & looking elsewhere... then I read about your child. For me, that is why I stay & am obligated to try and make things work. I owe the best in the world to my children. That includes working through this situation. (My H had affair last year after several years of marriage & OW is due to birth next month. The child may not be his since OW was seeing OM). Anyway, I do not want to ever do anything that will short my children of the life they deserve. I consider having both their parents in same home & in a loving relationship a big part of what they deserve. I am an adult & it is my responsibility to shoulder this. My H is committed to the boys & wants to try also. At that point I knew I had to give up all the "stuff" that was threatening our relationship. All that anger, resentment, "being right" wasn't adding any value to my life. It is hard work to get rid of it, but I actually feel better! <P>Read Harley's Surviving An Affiar. It has stuff about how to work through the anger, resentment, etc. and how to create a plan for moving forward. I don't know that the first sections on the affair part are so applicable, but the majority of the book could be helpful. You need a plan & tools to get over this. No one is born knowing how to deal with these type issues. Honesty is a MUST. The book can help with that stuff.<P>Good luck... Carolyn

Leelee,<BR>Welcome to this forum! You will find a wonderful support network here. Whether or not you're married yet doesn't really matter. You have been betrayed just as we all have. Since you have a child with this man and he is with you trying to work things out, then I feel that you should give it your best effort. You should get some counseling and read the materials here. You can heal from this and have a wonderful marriage in the future. Though you may never trust this man the same again, you can have a healthy level of trust in the future. Remember that you can give him your trust but it is up to him to be trustworthy.<P>Take care,<BR>Audrey

Audrey,<BR>thank you so much for your words of insight. They really helped, I have begun reading some of the material contained in this sight and it makes a great deal of sense. Thanks again and keep me in your prayers.