Thank you to those who posted I will def. check those out. I say I am pretty sure we are in recovery because my husband is home (after leaving 4 times in the last 3months. he says he wants to work things out and I am doing my best plan A as possible. We have 4 adopted children (isn't that ironic!) I do love my husband and truly want to work out our difficulties. I realize i wasn't meeting many of his emotional needs because our children are so needy. What worries me is that he works closely with the young girl he had to affair with. There is not much hope for them to separate at work until the summer is over. He says it is over and we agree we will pay child support. I just want to truly be in recovery. We are having some good times.We are both in individual counseling ( I guess we are not ready for counseling together yet). I am doing my best plan A and praying. Thanks again for your comments.

quakermom,<BR>Congrads on your progress! Your adopted children deserve their father certainly no less than the OC. His primary concern should be the recovery of your marraige and your children together, not the XOW/OC. If you agree on visitation with OC via a POlicy of Joint Agreement (between you and your H), great, but your relationship must come first.<P>I'd be very concerned about the XOW still working for your H. He should end this situation ASAP in whatever form necessary. It was very inappropriate to have a relationship with a subordinate even without the adultery; he is leaving himself open to being sued for sexual harrassment and who knows what! It boggles my mind that such bright people can behave in such dumb ways! (my H included!) Anyway, what little expert advice I can find on this topic says the only contact with the XOW should be through you or a neutral third party (lawyer, counselor, a relative if they can keep good boundaries). For trust in your relationship to heal, there should not be contact between the XOW and your H, unless seen/heard jointly with you. Obviously you can't impliment that if they are still working together.<P>Good luck and keep posting!

quakermom,<BR>Welcome to the forum. I hope that you and your H are able to work things out. I can't imagine the stress of having your H move out several times. I agree with Jenny that he needs to find a way to NOT be working with the OW. That will get in the way of your healing. Best wishes, Audrey