What do you do if your spouse says they don't love you anymore? My wife says she loves me like a friend, nothing more. She doesn't care, doesn't want to try. She says she's going through counseling to make it easier on me, not because she wants to fix it or thinks there's any hope.

I'm at a loss, I don't know what to do. I think she still cares, still Loves me but she's hurt so bad she won't allow herself to feel emotion. Is this possible? Is there anyone out there who has felt the way she does now that could give me some advise on how to handle this or turn it around?

I am going through the same thing. My wife says she does not feel love for me any more. There is a book called before you throw in the towel. It eplains about that. I asked her to read it and see what happens. She is reading it now and we will see how it turns out. Suggest you get the book because it answers a lot of questions for the spouse who says they are not in love.

I'm in almost the same situation, from the other side. My husband says that he doesn't want to be married any more - he says that he loves me, just not enough to want to try to work through this. I don't know what I believe about what he says - maybe he's just trying to soften the blow, maybe not. I wish we could work things out. I love him will all my heart, and don't want this marriage to end. I do think that we could work things out, but he's not willing to try. Suggesting a book or an article or counseling is out of the question - he isn't willing to put any effort whatsoever into making the marriage work. As far as he is concerned, it is over and just needs to be made official.

quedog,
Thanks, I'll see if I can find the book. She's somewhat receptive. It's taken me 2 weeks but she's finally promised to at least "skim through" His Needs, Her Needs. I'm hopefull at least it may help, who knows.

Fletch,
I can relate. That's the same thing she's saying. It's over, nothing I/we can do about it, she is just trying to make it easier for me. She says she wants me to find someone who can love me back the same way I Love Her. We've been married for 9 years now, together for 15 or so, I have no idea what's going through her head right now.

It's getting worse. It's like a huge gap between us, she keeps pushing me away. Everything I try doesn't work. If it works at the time then later it's worse, she just runs backwards.

I've found out the EA is still going on. Much worse than I had imagined. Now I don't know what to believe, she says she's not sleeping with him, promised me she wouldn't. But I don't konw what to believe.

When they speak it's passionate, there is something there. She's not like that with me anymore. When she talks to me it's very cold and matter of fact.

I also am going through everything you are as well. Most of my story is under the "I am so CONFUSED" topic.

My H moved out 3 weeks ago and tells me that he does not love me anymore and never will. After being together for ten years, how does someone just write you out of their life like nothing happened.

He agreed (under protest) to finally attend counseling. I have only been asking him for 6 months. We start next Monday. I am so scared. I want it to be a positive step, but also I am afraid that he will go in there with a negative attitude thinking that it will never happen and then it won't. I am also scared that the counselor we go to, won't be a right fit and we will have to start all over again. I just want to focus on how to make things better. Most counselors want to dig into the past. I am afraid that is all she'll do.

I am going to try to find that book as well. "Before you throw in the towel". I just am sure he won't read it. I would have to sit there and watch him, because he doesn't like to tell the truth lately and he would tell me that he read it even if he didn't.

Well if any of you find some good advice or have any. You could throw it my way. Good luck to all of you as well. Thanks.

Well she has finally admitted it. She admitted she is in love with OM. Says she's never loved me, I don't know what love is, she knows she's in love with him.

She's packing today, no idea how or when she will move out. She cannot afford gas money to get back and forth to work.

She has stopped telling me she loves me, still tells him. She is pushing me away so hard and so fast, today is especially bad. She is extremely angry at me for something, won't say what. I think it might be because I talked to friends and OM yesterday, now everyone knows.

I don't know, but I'm working on myself and hoping someday she'll come to her senses and realize what she's doing.

TM94,

My wife of 10 years has left the marriage suddenly and with out any notice 4 months ago. I am sure you can relate to my agony. She told me the same thing. I do not love you any more. I do not want to come back and feel miserable (except she won't tell me why she would feel that way). She has refused counseling. She won't read any books. She won't read the Bible. She got mad when I asked our Sr. Pastor to contact her for advice.

My Friend, the best thing we can do is to work on ourselves, and know that God is in control of the situation.

My wife was the first and only woman in my life. So you can immagine how I feel. I do not understand why she won't work it out. How she can write me off of her life just like that.

We can only Hope and Pray that they will change. And Trust in the Lord with all your heart (Proverbs 5:3).

You are in my prayers. Stay in touch. Sometimes it helps to vent out. I think I have the ear for it.

AA

I'm so sorry to all of you for the pain you are going through. I highly recommend Dr. H's books His Needs/Her Needs and Surviving an Affair. I found both books extremely helpful. If people read these books throughout their M, I really believe most A's would not happen.

Both books are excellent and will help explain what you and your spouses are going through. Also, keep reading on this site and others to gain understanding and help.

AA,
I know the pain you are going through right now. At least my wife broke it to me semi-gently. She is letting me down over time, and did talk to me for a while. She has stopped talking to me now, hangs up on me quite often now actually.

I am getting right with the Lord, I know he's the only thing that's getting me through this now. My prayers are with you also.

My fiance's wife left him 2 1/2 years ago. She was having internet affairs and then they turned physical. Since their divorce, he has found out all kinds of things that were going on and she had obviously been having A's with several men. He will admit that he was not a good husband or father to their children. He has supposedly learned from his previous mistakes, but sometimes I'm not REAL SURE....Anyway, when someone tells you that they don't love you anymore, it is time to "move on", I don't care how long you've been together. You CANNOT make someone love you, EVER.

Most of the time, the other person feels neglected and un-loved and they have usually been out "messing around" before it comes to the "I don't love you anymore" stage. They think they have found other love BEFORE they tell their partner. We are all looking for love and attention and will get it from somebody, even if it's the wrong kind.

If we could all just try harder to Walk a mile in the other persons' shoes....we would all be better off in our relationships. It is hard to do, but we should try. It seems that the main complaint among men is that the women don't want to have sex, the main complaint among women is that sex is all men seem to think about. AMEN?

Well, sex is a big part of marriage. If you find a couple that has a wonderful sex life, you find a happy, healthy marital realtionship!!!!

If there is an ounce of love left in you anywhere you owe it to yourself to fight for the marriage one breath after death.If this is the most painful event of your life as mine is this is your greatest hour GOD has prepared you for.No half measures are allowed.If you end up single as you started,you can at least hold your head up because you gave it your all.It even took JESUS his all on our behalf.People get lost and confused this is why there is forgiveness the bridge we all must cross when our time is right.Listen to your heart.Hate leads only to destruction.people need hope. I've had emotional burnout nothing mattered the house kids GOD it was a way to hunker down to think pause to come back.You must see this through to the end,after allyou make your own tomorows.

Sorry. I didn't read all the other posts first.

<small>[ January 13, 2003, 02:06 PM: Message edited by: Worth It ]</small>

I've been thinking about asking her if she wants me to move to the couch. She's never mentioned this, but I'm wondering if it would be a good gesture on my part to give her space.

Thoughts, commments, suggestions?

My fiance' just told that he did not love me anymore after 3 years. Of course, he couldn't even look me in the face. I do not understand how or why. I didn't see it coming at all. We have always had an open relationship and now he just wants to throw it all away. It hurts. I am the female on the flip side still in shock. I love him very much and would like to stay with him. On the other side, why would I want someone who doesn't want me? I am very upset, depressed and confused.

My wife has r/o against me to keep me and her from trying, I get my 2 little girls today for the weekend, I have lost more than just a wife, I have lost my whole life.
Over the past 9 years I have had my 2 children 80% of the time, I was a stay at home dad.
I am as close to them as a parent could be.
6 weeks ago my wife took the kids from school, and filed r/o. I did not see my kids for 18 days!!
and have only seen them for appx 1 week over a 6 week period.
How she could take the kids from me is astounding.
I was just doing the math....... I have been at home with my 9 year old about 2,500 days of her life, my wife maybe 500 days.
My 5 year old I have been taking care of for about 1,500 days my wife maybe 300 days.
Hopefully when it comes to (if) divorce I will be able to fight for my kids.
But with this r/o over my head and her having tempory custody it has put me behind the 8 ball.
Do you think me being the stay at home parent for so long will help me getting custody of the children, even though my wife has had them the last 6 weeks?

my husband just walked out on me too, with no explaination at all. i came home to find his stuff gone and he wont answer my phone calls. I think he's a big coward for not coming to me but also i'm very hurt wondering why everyday. I love him and he was my life, my family, my love and everything and he just left like it meant nothing to him at all. We met in high school and have been loving each other for 14 years.

Hey- I am going through a similar situation. It's neat to read how many other people today are suffering through similar marriage problems.

I am encouraged that there are others who believe in God to be the answer. We can say a prayer for each other daily. For Wisdom!

Hello All,
I have also found myself in this situation. Two months ago my husband came home and told me he wasnt happy and he wasnt "in love" with me anymore. We have been married almost 23 years. He doesnt like me, the kids (D20 / S15), or the dog or cat. We have been having serious problems for the last 3 years, that he refused to address. In fact he is still not facing that, he tells everyone the reason we are separated is because we just grew apart. He is 46 and was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease 5 years ago. For the last three years he has been fighting a sleep disorder (never sleeps) and an impotency problem, both of which has still not been fixed despite medication. There has been a drastic change in his personality in the last year (so irratiable and short tempered). So, I cant say I understand what is in his head at this point because I have never been seriously ill. He is living with his sister. He has gone as much as 3 weeks without seeing our son (except about 20 minutes when he came by to pick up something). He at first completely refused a marriage counselor. Now, all he will say is that its not totally out of the question, but that everyone he knows that went to counseling divorced anyway. All he can see right now is the negative, about us, his life, everything. So, my counselor says back off. I am so afraid to back off completely, partially because I know he is depressed and my mother committed suicide 12 years ago. I am also afraid if we are out of site and out of mind it will make it easier for him to completely walk away. How do you do that? How can you not fight for your marriage and throw away 23 years? I am so devastated. Luckily, I have supportive friends / church. Yes, I do believe in God, I know he is carrying me right now or I could not make it through the day.
Sorry, this got really long, but I know what you are going through!

I feel all of your pain. My wife also is "not in love anymore". The sad part is I have been fighting this for 6 months, six months shorter than the year that she has supposedly been not in love. The thing that really gets me is that I greet her with open arms, forgiveness, and want. She returns nothing and does not even want to try anymore. How can she not want to try after 9 Years and a beautiful 3 year old son's life on the line? Now she holding divorce over my head. I am at the end of my rope, hanging on only by my fingernails