I am at the end of my rope. I am lovebusting all over the place and a part of me feels justified. It's as if I want him to feel at least 1/10 of the pain I have felt through all of this. Is he trying??? Big time but I feel as if I cannot give him my heart again....I am always on the defensive and anything he says or does is wrong or said in the wrong tone or whatever. For every good day we have, we have a week of bad days. We tried going to a counselor but he just wasn't vibing with either of us. I am beginning to wonder if I should call it quits. Maybe we have expired and too much has happened for us to have a solid foundation. Granted we had problems before all this happened but now they are intensified. I am bitter, resentful and downright mean...I don't like who I am. Do you guys feel like this? Please keep in mind that we are not married (we were scheduled to marry when I found out about the oc). Any help would be greatly appreciated. Please keep me in your prayers!

hi leelee,<P>hope you are doing a little better since your post. i know the feelings you are feeling. i had them big time when i first found out about the affair. and then when the OC came into the picture, i felt them all coming back again. i don't know much about the lovebusting stuff, guess i will have to read up so i can contribute a little better to the forum, but i know i find myself doing it sometimes too. and then my H will say "even if we get past the child support thing etc, you will always have to remind me of what happened." i don't mean too but sometimes i am so angry inside i say something mean. then i say, well it is your fault we are in this mess anyway. and there goes that night...<P>so lately every night i ask god for peace and the strength to get thru this and strength for my H too. sometimes i fall to sleep repeating to myself "Lord, give me peace, Jesus, give me peace...etc" <P>lately i have been tempted to run away. then i wouldn't have to deal with all the problems we are about to walk head on into. but then i sit and try to imagine what my life would be like if i no longer had my H in it. i pretend i am explaining to him why i can no longer handle it anymore and then i realize i really don't want him to be gone. i love him and need him. and he just has to understand that sometimes i get mad. little things can remind me of the whole ordeal. he really tries. he is my best friend and i tell him everything i feel. more than my own close friends.<P>we don't have kids yet, so it is a bit different. but follow your heart. if he is trying and you think you can make a go of it, try. find a different counselor, pray for peace and know he loves you or he wouldn't stay and put up with you!! i didn't mean that in a mean way. but a lot of guys don't even want to admit they did wrong or try to fix things.<P>take care and you are in my prayers. i lit a candle for all of us on sunday and will light another one this sunday.<P><P>------------------<BR>happy_girl

There must be something strong in your relationship for the two of you to still be together after all this. Your feelings are really normal after a betrayal; I still feel kinda crazy sometimes after 2 years! Considering your shared history and a child together, you are in a similar place to us married people, I think. Many married couples feel the need to renew their marriage vows after an affair, since the old vows were broken and they are renewing their commitments. We waited about 1 year after DDay, had some counseling and "post-marital" counseling by the chaplain who renewed our vows, then renewed our vows. I hope you are able to look at your marriage in a similar way, something to look forward to. I would wait until enough healing has happened (by working on your relationship together) so that you can think of your wedding vows with joy and some trust. One book that really helped us recover was "After the Affair" by Janis Abrams Spring.<P>Does that help?<BR>Best wishes,<BR>Jenny

It most certaintly does help....thank you both very much for your input, it always helps to know that you are not alone. Thanks again!!!!