The OW works beside my husband. I know that Dr Harley advises that my husband move jobs but the one he is in does not have this option. She lives in another town but she travels to work in our town two maybe three times a week.

He has promised me that he will try to avoid her but I still feel threatened by her. I know it is a matter of regaining trust. He has told me that when he sees her her will tell me but I did not know that they where seeing each other to begin with so how can I know this for sure.

Has anyone out there had a similar experience and if so how did you handle it.

I love my husband and he tells me he loves me and that the fling was a mistake but I just don't know.

Many thanks

Kat

Kat,

I don't know if it'll help you or not, but I have to work with someone that I wasn't intimate with, but we did have a friendship that led to a kiss. My H found out about the incident and I immediately made sure that whatever it was we had, was done. I don't work right next to this guy anymore since he has moved to another department, but I do on occasion run into him or get him on the telephone.

It is purely professional. I don't say anymore than I have to and he must get the idea that I don't want to be friendly because he doesn't get personal, either. Being in the position I'm in where I'm trying to win back my H's trust, I would urge you to trust him. If you take away hope for a better future with you, he may re-new the affair or worse.

If you can tell by his actions of late that he really is only interested in making your marriage work, then I think you have to meet him half way. I'm sure it must be hard - I know my H doesn't trust me as much as he could throw me - but I also know that in order for him to become intimate with you again, he needs for you to have some faith in him.

If there's still attraction to this OW, then it might be a different story. I think then he should try to separate himself. He can't dedicate himself to you if he's distracted by this attraction and it's just an accident waiting to happen.

Best of luck to you!

KH-

Alhtough ow and I shared intimacy, initially through emails and conversation and even kissed. A progressed when we travelled on business together during 10/01...and we engaged in everything but sex. I'm not diminishing that what ocurred was a PA. However, I ended that for many reasons...I went back to my hotel room feeling lower than pond scum...I had finally brought an A into our backyard.

Once I returned to the office, I severed all contact with OW, although she would make excuses and occasssion for her to talk to me, I didn't reciprocate in any other way for her to know I was DONE!

During the last year, I approached my supervisor to ensure anything business related matters with her and her section would be routed through him. Furthermore, and very recently I have not responded to OW's emails. She would include me in her "friends" list. Sometimes I would read them then deletebut mostly I would just delete.

My walk with the Lord placed me in the situation to ask for her forgiveness for my behavior and transgressions! She has forgiven me but still expressed interest in having a friendship...I never responded nor will I!

I AM DONE WITH THAT CORRUPTED CHAPTER OF MY LIFE!

Other than reading this post, i don't know much of your situation...I just know as with my W, it will only take time, time to witness and believe in his actions. He should unequivocally allow you total access to all he does to regain his trust. To inlcude cell phone bills (if you don't have access now). You should ask out of the blues to have his cell every now and again. Also, full acess to his email addy's. EVERYTHING and ANYTHING he has potential to create secrecy with should be accessed by YOU!

His EA/PA warrants this investigative nature on your part...esp. if HE desires to stay M and regain your trust! He has no privacy rights at this point in his life!

In Christ's Name!
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