I am seeing an attorney on Wed. any advice on specific questions to ask relating to OW, Oc support or anything else would be appreciated. My husband and I are in recovery (I think) but I want to protect myself and my children just in case. thanks <BR> Kris

start with finding out exactly what kind of expenses the OW can try to pin on you. ie. daycare, healthcare, her attorney fees, whatever. in our state the OW gets a state lawyer and we have to pay for court fees, she pays nothing. we fought the attorney fees and got them dropped. try to find out, if you don't already know, how much CS the OW will get. also find out if there will be back support and if you can work a payment plan.<BR>and just for spite find our if you can bring a civil suit against her for what she has done to try and destroy your life. you might get lucky.<BR>

Kris you are making a smart move. And do ask if you can sue her. My state struck down "alienation of affection" 10 years ago. But I am still trying to find out if I can sue for financial damage done to my children.<P>One thing, with your 4 kids, if you were getting CS first from your H it would definately reduce her cut (at least that's how it works in my state). Since I had filed for divorce I was able to get CS awarded, even though my H and I are still togther & working things out. I had filed prior to the D-day discussion with him about all that was going on & have over 12 months before I have to drop the case. It makes a nice "safety net" for me. I am a BIG believer in taking action for my kids. It may not sound like Plan A, but some things you just have to do.<P>Good luck & keep up all the good work you are doing for yourself & your family. Carolyn

Seeing a lawyer is a very good thing. Be upfront and tell your lawyer exactly what you want to do. That you want to protect yourself and your children financially. if you read the earlier posts you'll see that separation/divorce is a legal & financial situation. The heart must not be involved in this. There is a legal website available as well as most states have sites concerning divorce & childsupport. You could check them out and get ideas before you see lawyer. I know when I saw lawyer, asked about where my H would live if I filed for separation, we were living on military base at the time. While we were separated I could live in the quarters. He could live there also so long as I did nothing for him that a wife would do, separate bedrooms, no sex, not prepare food for him etc. Interesting? We discussed finances, how much I would get with 4 children. She also stressed that I ask for as much money in a separation that I would need in a divorce. A judge would look at that if we took that option. (We are still together, and he is much happier now than he was then. Most days I am, but I stillhave "flashbacks". ) <BR> In my case, since I had always been an "at home" wife and mother, she recommended that I not pursue a job until we divorced, if we did then I would need a job. That hurt alittle financially, because he had to help with her medical expenses, she did not have any insurance. They split it. After the OC was born she went on our insurance. It seemed once I started talking to lawyer, found out how much it would cost, ( he'd have had to pay for both lawyers) He really questioned whether he really felt that she was worth it. Also, i reminded him that she would HAVE to work to support me and our children. Did he think "Miss Sweetness and Light" would be so sweet once she realised that would be necessary. Unlike me she would not have the luxury of staying home with their child. In one irrational moment I told him I would put our son, that I was pregnant with up for adoption, before I would ever let him and his wh___ have him. ( NOt one of my better moments in life ).<BR> He also was talking about retiring from the military, and going out to ski resort and working on lift, so he could ski and be free. I had to inform him he would not have that luxury because he would have 6 children to support and he couldn't do that working on skilift. MLC? Yes, in a big way. It took a while to find the person I had originally married, not the stranger he had become. Well sorry I rambled. Good luck and let us know how it goes. TG

Quakermom, plz see my post under 'conversant w/NY laws'. It's a good idea to write all questions down beforehand. I always forget something when I speak w/lawyer.