Well my H called. He said the day went great, but that they are not going to tell him anything either way for two weeks. So once again we are in a holding pattern.<P>also I called cs department. I wanted to know why it took so long for an appeal. We have been waiting to hear something for over four months. Plus they are charging us $125 a month late fee, because they are backed up! They also informed me that if I left my H that, I would get $200 less than what that slut gets because her child is four months older, so it is true I get the leftovers. I hate her! I still have all of these things that I want, and I feel I need to say to her. I want to know how she lives with herself. How everyone treats her like she is being so nice in all of this. I really want to talk to her. I want to ask her at what age does she tell her kids that she is a slut. I am so close to calling her. I think my emotional foundation is going to break and she is going to be the target.<P>I want to hear her get upset and cry a little bit for causing so much pain. She doesn't have to think about it because no one confronts her about it. She slides through life with no marks on her. I'm sick of it. I swear I am really going to let her have it. I am at the end of my rope! <P>babstr.<p>[This message has been edited by babstr (edited July 19, 2000).]

Babstr: Like you told me once. Take a deep breath.<P>I know how you feel. I have made several calls to OW. Once when I first found the # on my H's cell phone bill. Asked if she knew him she denied. I left it at that. Again when I heard a message from her. I asked her what was going on with her and my H. Asked her if she cared that he was married. That we had a child. That we were talking of having another...on and on. She just listened and said he told her he had moved out. I asked why then didn't she question why the only way she could call him was on his cell. Excuse if you ask me. Then I sent her an e-mail. More of a "let's be nice" letter after I found out about OC. And again this past time when I find this e-mail from her. Asking her to tell me what was happening with them. She always refers me to my H for the truth. Yet the second my H tells her to take a hike she's more than willing to offer info. Good show huh? Anyway I've never been disrespectful in my e-mails. Even when she went off on a tangent in one of hers and deliberatly tried to hurt me.<P>You know why Babstr? Because I'm the better person. Because she would relish in my pain if she heard it. Don't let OW do that. Don't give her the power. She doesn't deserve it. Things are darkest before the dawn. Just stay strong. Go beat the **** out of your mattress. Go scream at your pillow. Do not give her the power. She may have the money, but she doesn't have the power and she doesn't have a family. That's most important. She also doesn't have the class you have. Keep the faith. Your day will come. LSM<p>[This message has been edited by lostsoulmate (edited July 19, 2000).]

lsm,<P>Thank you. I really feel like I am losing it today. I do pretty good everyday, but any time I have to hear how that OC is more important than my child, it throws it all into my face. I have never talked to her. But this is the second time I am so close it isn't even funny. My mom tells me all the time not to do it. But part of me feels like, if she was called a slut and she knew that everyone at her work thinks that, then she might feel a little pain. And for once I might feel a little better. Revenge could be sweet. I wouldn't do anything to actually huret her, but her feelings being hurt would be just enough, then I could leave this. But if I move, I don't see how I won't say something to her. But who knows I will probably back out. She doesn't have any power. She is a loser, in all terms, not just in this. They have been trying to get rid of her at the Army. I hate feeling like the "poor little wife at home"! And I hate that she thinks that she is better by doing this destruction. But I am trying to calm down. I guess I figure a bad day like today every couple months isn't too bad. Thanks for all of your words, it does help. I am already feeling better as I type this.<P>babstr.

Dearest Babstr,<BR>I can more than understand your need to talk to this nasty OW who has caused such havoc on your life but believe me when I say it is not even worth it. I remember when I first found out about the oc, I went to her home to give her a piece of my mind and you know what I ended up giving her......ammunition! By my conversation it was easy for her to see that my fiance and I were not working on our relationship and that this was not something that I could easily get over. I GAVE HER POWER!!!!!! That happened almost three years ago and I look back on that as a big mistake. You are a woman of respect and class and you do not need to call her. Trust me if you guys are meant to have a conversation you will. My first conversation with her happened three years ago and my second conversation happened about six months ago. She had the nerve to call my home and it is a conversation that I will always be proud of. It was a conversation on my terms, I set the tone. So Babstr don't even bother, as a matter fact don't even think about it as an option, because it isn't!!! You and the OW are two different class of women and time will certaintly show that. God bless, you are in my prayers

Babstr, boy I wish we could all sit down & write a joint letter to all these little [censored]! There is a lot you can stand, but somehow knowing that the OC gets more money is just salt in the wound. I still think we BS should be able to sue on behalf of OUR children for the lost income. Hey! Maybe we could sue the STATE for their practice of efforts to cause demise to the family (or something like that). All these folks sue for the most illogical reasons. I think fighting for the preservation of family is a worthy cause. Oh well, that is another rant all together.<P>I haven't had much desire yet to contact OW. But she was demanding to know from my H if he was planning to be there at the birth of the OC (due next week folks!). I told him no way. He is still worried that she will get really pissed off & tell folks at work, so he is trying to appease her when possible. But basically there is no contact, so I am doing ok with things. Anyway, she puffed up when she heard the "no birthing room news" and hung up on him (ugly side coming on up). I told him later that if prior to this birth she wanted to sit down with me & him & explain how she sees all this working after the baby is born, well then I would reconsider him being there. Now, I know he woudl rather have oral surgery than sit through another birth (watched tv when my boys were born). So now I have made an offer that neither one of them wants to take me up on. She could have had her way on the birth thing, but she didn't want to face me. And he was counting on me pulling his butt out of the fire on the birth thing, but now it is back in their court. And he knows if he tries to do this without my consent the doors are locked when he gets home. <P>I still hope she takes me up onthe little chat. Here is what I want to say:<P>"I am not sure why you didn't want to meet me, since you have worked so dammed hard over the past 11 months to get into my life. Well, now you are here and so am I. If this child belongs to my H, get used to the fact that I will be in IT'S life. I will be the step-mother. Your child will always know that my children are loved by my H and have a wonderful life. I am there when they get off the school bus and they don't see daycare. Yours will only know someone else raising it while you work. You chose to short change this child of a full-time father. I hope you can look into that childs face when they want to know why they haven't got a dad living with them and tell this child that YOU choose to sleep with another womans husband. You STOLE from their family. And the price for that crime is on YOUR CHILD's shoulders, borne out by all that they will never have in life. Are you going to tell your daughter that sleeping with men out of marriage is ok? You did it, why shouldn't your children? And as a final question, why have you tried so hard to harm my children? Do you hate them? They are only chilren. I can only pray that no one tries to harm your child like YOU have tried to harm mine."<P>Whew.... Babstr that felt GOOD. Try it. Put down in a note to us what you want to say to the slut. I feel better! And no fears of OW using your rant against you! Ha!<P>Carolyn

Babstr, confronting the OW would be like having an argument with someone who speaks no English. Women like that are different from you, me, and the rest of the ladies here. It's like they are sociopaths or something. They lack a key component of the average civilized, compassionate person. How do you reason with a woman who does what she did, who wrecked lives without bliking an eye, who thinks nothing of anyone except herself, who thinks so little of her own children to bring them into a no-win situation? <P>You are a woman of feelings, she is dead inside. A confrontation with her would most likely find you a raging lunatic, crying and saying things you might not have intended to reveal, and she on the other hand as the callous person she is would be able to retain her composure. Who wins then? She would seem the rational one, and you the shrew. Leave it alone. <P>I'm sooo sure her social and professional circles have already deduced the type of woman she is. Just because they don't attack her, doesn't mean they don't know she's a tramp. After all, how many of the people that you deal with day to day do you attack because they are immoral? It's just a facade, Babstr. Her day will come.

PPB... VERY well put. In a nutshell a total description of OW and why we should never stoop to conversation with them. <P>Carolyn

Thank you everyone! This place saves me on a daily basis. I am doing alot better today. You are right, I would just make her day. She would be glad to know five months later that she is still bothering me. <P>I want to tell all of you how helpful you are to me. It really does help to have people listen who are living it. My other friends don't know what to say to me. It helps to rant, and actually leave it here. Thank you everyone.<P>babstr.