Hi everyone, this is my 1st time posting here...
My H and I have been married a little over 5 years, together for 10, no kids. He's been married before for 6 years, no kids. We separated 2 years ago because he was controlling and did not trust me at all. If I went out and said I'd be home by 9:00 and wasn't then all he!! would break loose. It got to the point that he broke into my pager and got my voice messages, hired a PI to follow me, and tape recorded our phone in the house. I finally left him for a year...in that year we both dated other people---he got serious with someone, then we worked it out and got back together. After we got back together, I then found a letter from my "supposed" best friend---she wrote "what happened between us should only be something that happens to those bound by love"--and whatever happened (which they say is a kiss) happened BEFORE I left him! (and even now--he thinks I should forgive and forget and still be friends with her!) Anyway....all that is done and over with, counselling helped tremendously--to the point that the counselor "yelled" at him. Well H does not ever want to go to counseling again, however I am. I am because it seems that he always has to be "right". I was sitting at the desk tonight on the phone with a friend, he asked to sit there, I didn't want him to because I was writing stuff that we were talking about---the info was there where I was sitting. He gave a look, I got up, he checked his e-mail---like it had to be done right then and there? Then 10 minutes later I explained to him that a friend of ours e-mailed me through classmates.com asking for our number and e-mail...H says "let me see the e-mail he sent"...I said "it says what I just told you"...he insisted I show him, so I did. I got mad because I know he made me show him because he didn't trust me. He said that wasn't it at all. After that "fight" he then goes to ask me why I don't get e-mail on our desktop anymore...I explained AGAIN that when the e-mail is open on our laptop, we get it there, however when the desktop is the only computer on, that is where the e-mail goes. I've explained this twice in the last month, and I know he's only asking because he's not trusting me---thinking I'm getting e-mails and not showing him.
I don't know how much more of this having to prove myself I can put up with. I feel like I am back where we were almost 3 years ago. I tell him that and is aggravates him more. I walked out tonight and he said if I walk out, he's not coming home later...I kept going. I usually turn around and come back, but this time---I didn't. So we'll see if he comes home tonight.
He won't go to counseling. Everytime I explain to him why he is "wrong"...he says "fine it's my fault...I'm wrong". I know he's just saying this so I shut up. It never solves anything. I was VERY happy being separated...I love being alone to do what I want when I want. He does things on his time....I ask him to vacuum, he does it in a day or so. I ask him to feed the animals...does everyone with dry food when he knows the cats get wet mixed with dry---but he doesn't like the smell of it so he doesn't give it to them. He ALWAYS forgets the fish. Why? Because if it were up to him, we wouldn't have any animals. So...I guess because he doesn't like it, I need to live without it? I learn to like or deal with the things he wants that I don't want. I can't argue the animal thing, 'cause he'll get rid of them.
I don't understand. I come from a VERY dysfunstional family. He comes from a VERY stable family. I'm all cried out. I love him, but when we have these days, I want to leave him....again.
Anyone have any ideas to help me cope? Sorry so long...but I feel like I finally got my chance to ask someone what's been on my mind forever.....
Thanks!
married2acop <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
