Thanks for the replies in my last post "I'm giving up". Work has been really busy the last few weeks.<P>Since I'm stuck with H until I can refinance our home, I decided to lay it on the line to him. I wrote him a note (he's not really giving me a chance to talk to him) telling him that I know he's seeing OW again. (It started when he had vacation for three days and I had to work. She left a message on the answering machine.) Then I gave him the ultimatum. Once I refinance, he'll be free to leave or stay and work on our marriage. The kicker is that if he stays I told him I could not have any contact with him - that I couldn't handle it emotionally. I had not told him that before. I felt *much* better after getting that out.<BR> <BR>His response was that he's only seeing OW to deal with baby issues. Yeah, right! The stupid woman can't afford this baby, and H can't afford to help her out. They're going to have to work it out.<P>But H has been better towards me since I wrote the note. I think maybe he's finally realizing how much he has to lose if he leaves. He said maybe after we got things cleaned up financially we can get back into a hobby together. That's a major breakthrough since he hasn't been willing to do anything with me. <P>I still love him and still think we can work things out. But he's going to have to want to work on the marriage. I'll be reasonable, but he'll have to live by *my* rules. Once I refinance, I'll be free also - to kick him out. <P>H did get a promotion and a raise which has helped his attitude. But right now he's not willing to go back into counseling and continue his medication. Guess that will have to be in my final ultimatum also. <P>In the meantime, I'm back to working on my side of the marriage. It has paid *some* dividends.<P>Sue

good for you!! you are giving yourself options, but not giving up! he will also see that you are serious and he can't have both of you. i think you are on the right track. sometimes when they almost lose you or think they have, it turns them around right quick. keep up what you are doing. take care.<P>------------------<BR>happy_girl<P>happygirl5227@aol.com

Sue:<P>Stick with a good Plan A. It may bring your spouse out of his anger and make him more appreciative of you.<P>This takes some time. Try not to get too impatient.<P>I know it's hard to do all the work when you haven't caused the damage, but that's how it is in the beginning. We give and give and give until we see a diference in our spouses behavior.<P>Keep your options open and stay strong. You and your husband will be OK.<P>Catnip =^^=<p>[This message has been edited by catnip (edited July 22, 2000).]