Here is my problem, I don't know what to do. We are seeing the lawyer today, I don't know which direction to take. <P>1: Stop the appeal, so that health insurance and back support are not added, thus having to pay more and have more contact. But I won't be able to make the $550 payment that is due, unless I don't pay my car or don't pay my rent. <P>2: Hold out for the appeal, but in the end nothing could change. The only advantage is to risking everything is that we are not having to pay anything except it is racking up.<P>Not paying right now, is hurting us. But how to I make a payment when there is no money. What should I do? I am so lost and I don't know how to get out of this. I just want the child support area to be settled. Please give me some help. Thank you.<P>babstr.

Dear babstr: <P>Well, I am going to try to help you, but the truth is that the decision should be yours and your H. What does your H think? What does he say? It was basis are they telling you to pay 550? on his income alone on his past 4010? and why would you appeal on what terms?(ther is not much room for appeal with CS believe me!)<BR>As far as I know the Health Insurance there is no way out of that one, unles your H has no Health Insurance plan then they will request for more money. <BR>When it comes to back pay they will just ask for a little bit more money and make sure you do get any tax returns next year because they will take them to pay the back pay. So you and him should claim more in your taxes.<BR>Let me know<BR>fambis

They based the amount on the standard 20%, which that is. We appealed it because there is no way that we can afford that and pay for food for our own family. But after what you said, I don't think that is a good idea. Also she never wanted back support, and the OW has a good job, and the same health insurance, so they never asked for that. But I am afraid that after this appeal a judge could change that. I guess I should call off the appeal and skip my car payments. There isn't much more I can do. My H is going to try to get a loan against 401K so that they won't take our tax returns. Or anymore from our paychecks. I guess I will end up losing our car. <P>babstr.

Well that is smart, and you are lucky this is what happened to me:<P> They took the same we do not make as much, I did go back to work FULL time, because we couldnt afford it either we pay more 577 to be exact, then my H lost his job and he could not pay for 6 months that piled up to be 3,462.00 that he owed that we did not have. They took our tax return (including mine) althought they told me I could appeal, but who cares we had to pay the money back, then we were paying 627 a month to try to re pay but that wasn't enough for them so then we had to take our 401 K and we payed it. It is very hard and babstr I want to have another child but we cannot afford another one, I can barely make payments and CS and I work full time. <BR>Now on the other side: We have grown closer, we have worked the problem together, we continue to work the problem together and don't get stressed, there is a beautiful saying that goes: God always provides bread.<BR>That means that trust me you will find the money to pay CS and your payments, maybe you will have to adjust a little here and there but it can be worst, they could ask for back pay, insurance and so forth. We also have to provide Insurance (which kills me!).<BR>So yes if I was you I would cancell the appeal and pay for what they are asking you because if the judge decides they tend not to care about you nor your family all they care about is an innocent life , and a terrible person your H that does not want to take responsability for his actions, then you will end up paying more!<BR>

It's a bitter, bitter pill, babstr. I probably shouldn't tell you what happened to us except, forewarned is forearmed...besides, perhaps your situation won't look so awful (though it is) if you can compare it to the grandaddys of injustice.<P>Those of you who have been on this site for a while know about David's illness and alcohol problem and the business-financial debacle.<P>The child was born a year ago. We have never received any documentation of confirmed paternity from any lab. The judge announced to us over the phone during a telephone testimony in December 1999 that the DNA was a match 99.9% and arbitrarily pulled a figure out of the air and court ordered $1500 per month. That's $1500.<P>We explained that David had not been working since January 1999 and been in and out of treatment facilities and crisis units and had a suicide attempt and backed it all up with documentation from psychiatrists, crisi units, facilities, etc. <BR>We explained that our business was dead and we had no money. It did not matter to the hearing officer or the Family Court in NY.<P>The hearing examiner said that since we were in business for ourselves and collecting some revenue from a distributor selling our product line, that we were still 'in business' and insisted we come to NY and provide the court with all finanical documentation. <BR>We did this. <BR>We spent in excess of $10,000 of money we did not have to fly out there, forced to stay a week, pay for airfare, hotels, meals, cabfare, attorney fees that have now climbed to an additional $8300 and other miscellaneous expenses. <P>I had been out a week before with Bystander for support and a Power of Attorney to act on David's behalf, but they refused to allow me to testify.<P>The end result was that the court dismissed me entirely and insisted that David appear, regardless of his health.<P>David appeared at the second hearing and the court made no attempt to hear our testimony in a short period of time so we would not have to incur any excess expense. Instead, they dragged it out over several days.<P>We would be called in for a few minutes, then dismissed but required to stay for the entire day in case we were called in again. Many, many other cases were heard inbetween times and the judge demanded we stay and appear day after day. In fact, we were forced to stay the weekend because he ordered we appear the following Monday and Tuesday. <P>The entire thing was a biased travesty of justice. I should sue that hearing officer and the State of NY for what they put us through and for their final arbitrary decision, which was... that we were 'evasive', 'disingenuous', not credible witnesses...called our accounting system "quick COOKS" saying I cooked the books.<P>I am stunned. So much so that nothing bothers me anymore. I am not educated enough or computer saavy enough to know how to cook the books. If we were evasive or appeared to lack credibility is because they asked questions I was not qualified to answer. I kept begging them to call our accountant and he would answer their questions to their satisfaction. They refused.<P>The amount was reduced from $1500 to $1081 per month, health insurance is mandated and we are suddenly in arrears of $11,000 to be paid immediately or they will garnish David's wages (he just started a new job that pays just $300 more than what they are demanding), they are threatening him with jail and revocation of his driver's license. He is still not well enough to go back to the kind of work he did before. He has taken a job that will keep him busy and he gets a small paycheck.<P>I will go back to work in the fall after we get our divorce and settle our dead business'financial mess, but in the meantime, we are trying to get by on next to nothing, literally.<P>We send 17% of his monthly salary to the courts as mandated by NY law and that's all we can do...we can't pay all the extra money the courts are demanding because we don't have it, won't have it and we need something to live on.<P>You must claim as many exemptions as you legally can without causing yourself to have to pay taxes at the end of the year. <BR>The more you claim, the more you take home and less the money that will be left over at the end of the year to be confiscated from you by the child support do-gooders.<P>We have submitted an appeal to family court to reduce the current demand for $1081 per month and the 'arrears' of $11,000. I was ordered by law to answer the order and submit an appeal to the OW and the court via register mail. I did what I was told to do according to the law. OW marched down to the police station and demanded I be picked up and thrown in jail for violation of her phony Order for Protection. She saw our appeal to the courts and a copy to her as ordered by law, as a 'violation' by me...incredible. Such a stupid, ignorant slut.<P>We have been forced into divorcing to protect me from losing everything I have worked so hard for the last twenty years. We are being forced into bankruptcy. <P>We will hear within the next ten days whether or not we will receive any consideration for our appeal. I will let you know the results.<P>I don't know how to advise you because anything can and will happen...when you think you will get sympathy, empathy or consideration, you get nothing...when you think you're going to be stripped of everything, you may find the judge sympathetic to your plight...though, in this case most judges seem to be 90% in favor of the OW. I cannot understand why.<P>In the meantime, don't let the A$$----- get you down. Good luck...take care...stay strong. <P>Catnip =^^=<P> <p>[This message has been edited by catnip (edited July 27, 2000).]

If there is a chance you could get a worse deal, I'd call off the appeal. The 550 with no insurance/no back CS sounds pretty reasonable to me. We pay 459 plus insurance, which comes to about what your H got, and similar to many others paying c/s for one child. You don't want to dig yourselves into deeper (financial)holes. I'm sorry you're having trouble with the bills. I love the saying which goes something like "Twenty years from now, it won't matter what car I drove, what house I lived in, how much was in the bank, only that I made a difference in the life of my child."<P>But others are right: definate Policy of Joint Agreement needs to be in effect here!<BR>Best wishes,<BR>J

Hi Babstr:<BR>How are you doing today? Did you speak with your H on what you guys should do? I really think you should start paying now before it gets worst and then you will regret it. <BR>I do want to let you know that a judge DOES NOT CARE about your well being and your child. Why because the system is s****d up! That is why the wife and legitimate children in this case have no rights, all they care is about the "poor OW & OC" poor my a**!!! <BR>Sorry I am rambling but like I have said in many posts if the system protected the Wife and Children these OW would not be having Children if they knew they were not going to get a penny! See that is my theory...maybe is harsh but the truth is if you getr involved with somebody who is married, you should be ALONE and the Legal system should say "sorry you got involved with a married man" the wife has all the rights not you!<BR>That is what shoudl happen, but it doesn't anyways let me know if I can help you with anything else. Remember the sooner you get closure the better you will feel.<BR>fambis<BR>

Check out <A HREF="http://www.ancpr.org" TARGET=_blank>www.ancpr.org</A> it's more geared towards men but there is alot of "financial" info ther as well.<P>------------------<BR>1Co:2:4: And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:<BR>1Co:2:5: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.