OK, wife has spent the last few days in bed. She's not eating, not really sleeping, she's in a deep depression. This started the day after I spoke with mutual friends about A and talked to OM.

Today she asks me "How could he do this to me? Why couldn't he call and say good bye, F*** You, something?!" Part of me jumped for joy. Not sure if I did the right thing, I told her that shows his true feelings for her, he was using her and stringing her along. I told her that NO CONTACT was the best way for her to get over him. She says if she was trying to fix us she would agree, but she's not, she still wants divorce.

She got mad at me and hung up when I said something about "everything I've read.." She calls back a few minutes later and says she's going to call him and yell at him, wants to know my opinion. I had just gotten done telling her my opinion, NO CONTACT! So, I told her it was her decision, I would not interfere, she needed to do what she needed to do. My intervention would not allow it to run it's course. She got mad at me again saying I was lecturing her.

I'm lost now! What should I do? I have read nothing to really deal with this, any suggestions? Wife still is talking DIVORCE, no reconcilliation, no separation, she wants a divorce, not because of OM, but because of all the other S**T (See the whole story post).

Should I ask her if she talked to him, what they talked about, what OM said, etc? I want to know, but I'm afraid that she would see asking as prying. Suggestions PLEASE!!

Hi!

My suggestion would be to not ask questions. I can relate to the way she is feeling right now which is totally lost, abandoned and hurt...NOT by you but by the OM.. Probably the best thing you can do right now would be to let her work through her "grief" stage and she IS going to have to work through it. Unfortunately, the more you ask questions it will make her resent you. To show your support, leaving her to work through it is probably the best thing you could do at this point. I think I would let her know you are there for her..but no more than that right now. Just speaking from my female perspective and having gone through something of that nature before.

Wishing you strength through all of this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks Rhiannon,
That's pretty much what I've been doing. I made a huge mistake when she first talked to me about it, told her now she sees what he's really like, and what she really meant to her. HUGE LB! She has talked to me very little since then, but she has. When she does I try not to ask questions, or give answers. I try to let her know I'm here for her if she wants me, and I appologized for that first gut reaction.

Then you are doing the right thing! See in the female mind we don't want to hear that someone was "using us"..we also will voice "why hasn't he done this or that"..suggestions are o.k. from some people but if it's someone you know who does not want what you wanted so bad to happen, then you will resent any comment they make and take it as a direct verbal attack. I know it's hard to understand..it's a venusian thing..sighhhh

Hopefully she will see how supportive you are and how you are not trying to redirect her. Like I stated, she really will have to go through that period of grief.

Your doing Great!! Wish I were doing as well with my problems. Funny how we can give advice and yet our own lives can be in such turmoil <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Anyway..I've just been there and done that on many occasions is why I piped in on this one.

Chin up..
and Hugs to you.

Rhiannon,
Thank you. I hope I'm doing the right thing, sometimes I wonder why I'm trying so hard if she doesn't even want to try to work things out. But I can't just let her go.

Believe me, I don't think I'm doing well with my problems. The only answers I get are from people here like yourself. This forum is an awesome tool, use it to your advantage!