Hi,
I'm new to these boards and am looking for any advice on my marital problems. I have been married about 5 years..we lived together for probably 10 years before that. My husband is an alcoholic. We really have never been close. At one time I did care and for years he promised to stop drinking. Of course, he is still drinking..and in the past two years it has gotten to the point that I don't care anymore. So I don't say anything. We really don't do anything together and have absolutely nothing in common. I'm very unhappy. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I just feel a need to go out on my own and get away from him. I feel totally smothered. I can't even walk through my own house without him asking "What are you doing?"; "Where are you going?"..

I have told him for over a year now that I want a divorce. This is sporadic but each time I say "YES I want a divorce"..The very next day he acts as though nothing was ever said. It's like I'm talking to a wall. About three weeks ago, I finally said "This is THE LAST discussion I am having on the subject. I AM leaving and since you won't work with me then you are forcing me to just move out when you are not here". He stated he was listening and said he would work with me. The very next day, again he acted as though we had never had the discussion.

I'm tired of hurting all the time..The reason I haven't left is because I can't stand to hurt someone. He gets depressed and cries. I guess that is my biggest thing is not wanting to hurt someone. So, what do I do? I stay in it and hurt all the time..My stomach in knots, my anxiety so bad that I shake all of the time.

I have now planned to move out when he is at work one day. I'm just dreading this so bad. It's all I know to do though. He won't talk about a divorce ..just blames everything else on why we have problems. He still continues drinking... He's not a mean drunk..he's the type that is super nice and obnoxious. He sees how depressed I am and says "I wish you wouldn't be so depressed. I hate to see you this way"..Welllllllll SHEESH I wan't out! I realize I hold myself back and most people will say "Just do it". I have to say that the time has got to be right, financially as well as emotionally for me. I work full time..we bought a house..I have even told him he can have the house..I just want out. He did get angry one time and said I couldn't drive my car. He pays for my car and insurance. I told him after that, that I did expect him to continue payments on the car UNTIL I could afford to get one..stating "afterall I did have a car before we married"..He goes from angry to trying to be very sweet.

I do have my Sister and Nephew and a few friends saying they will loan me a truck, and help me make the move..This is about the only thing that helps me get through it, is knowing I have people who will help me move when the time comes.

Some days I don't think I can make it another day..Any advise from anyone who has felt this way or just moved out quickly would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you in Advance for any help.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Still needing help from anyone who has gone through this or a similar circumstance..Just wondering how others got free from their relationships..All I know to do now is move out when he's away..??????? Anyone?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Rhiannon, I have never dealt with alcoholism or addictions but I didn't want you to go without an answer to your post.

Although you are asking for advice on the best way to leave your marriage, I am going to take a wild guess and say that's not the reason you came to Marriage BUILDERS.

Certainly, alcoholism ranks right up on the top of the list of good reasons to run far and fast. But you don't really want to leave him, do you? Do you want to FIX the problem?

Your husband is incapable of having a relationship right now. His addictions prevent him from thinking properly. He must first deal with the addiction before you can address your relationship problems.

I know any addiction can play havoc with a budget, but if you can afford it, get advice from the best and call the Harley's for phone counciling. If that isn't realistic, then call Alcoholics Anonymous. Your problem is far from unique, and they know time proven ways to deal with addictions and heal marriages. Get counciling, attend the meetings for spouses of alcoholics. You will find support from people who have lived through what you are experiencing now.

Hi Blue Moon. Thank you for replying. Yes I really do want to leave him. That is why I am asking on advice on how..The reason I have problem is my personality is one that I hate to hurt someone..that's why I have stayed in it this long. I hurt so he doesn't..but so many years of hurting has taken a toll. I am not in love with him..haven't been in many years. At one time, I did care and I did ask him to get help for his alcoholism..he would just say he would do better. You see the damage is already done. I don't care now how much he drinks now. Years, ago he could have changed that..but as I said the damage is done..I can't change the way I feel. When he is away I have a wonderful sense of freedom. When he returns or comes home from work it is like a black cloud all around me.

I definitely do not love him. Ok I will put it in these words..I love him but I'm not IN love with him. How could I not care about someone I've been with for so long. But, you see the resentment grows worse every day and every time I look at him when he can't walk straight or carry on a normal conversation. We have no communication..It's over..I'm just wondering how others have dealt with moving out. I dream of the day to be away. Guess you could say that is my dream.

Thanks again for your reply. I guess I'm in limbo on whether to visit an attorney first or go on and plan my move in date somewhere else. He will never agree to a divorce. I already know this. We do own a home together, I pay half of the house note every month and half of the utilities..I've told him he can have the house. He pays for my car and Insurance..I just want the car and some money we have in stocks..which actually is my money left me when my father died. Other than that I just want out. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />