Well we went to that lawyer it was a waste of time. He just wanted his money and tried over 10 times to convince my H into visitation. He kept suggesting that I could go to counseling to learn to accept the OC. My H finally told him that we were not interested in his two cents, but just wanted the law. <P>We had to go out of town this weekend to a wedding, it was a long weekend. My daughter wasn't in the best spirits. Today my H is going to call off the appeal. I don't think we will get anywhere with it but more heartache. I am tired of adding up the late support and the late fees. So now we have to set up the payments. Of course our law requires that the money be taken out of his pay check, which I think is BS. I don't think it is anyone's business but ours. I don't want his employer knowing our lives. I also think that we are going to have to have the payment taken out of the first check. I think if we have the amount broken up they could be dipping into everyting. My H works over time, and I don't think she should get all of that also. <P>I guess I am going to have to look into working midnights. I really don't know how I will survive on no sleep. Keep me in your prayers, I can feel the nervous breakdown coming.<P>babstr.

oh babstr, my prayers are going out to you. i can only imagine how you must be feeling right now. try to be strong. it is hard, i know, but don't let this woman ruin you. my H lawyer tried to tell my H to go for visitation too. who do they think they are? i don't care if it could possibly lower the support, he doesn't want to see OC and i don't either. i wish they would do their job and deal with the law stuff. that is why we pay them.<P>they take the money directly out of the check here too. which i think should only be a last resort if the person doesn't pay. they don't even give you a chance to try to pay it without involving employers. but, what can we do?<P>i will say a prayer for you, you will make it thru all this. take care.<P>happy_girl

I am so sorry to hear that. Yes unfortunatelly they get into your lives like nothing, and they intrude into your life like you guys were criminals. I do not know if this can be done but my H requested them to "bill" us and that is how they have been doing it since he switched jobs. So nothing gets deducted from his paycheck. Although they did get into our lives and automatically called his employers and put the OC in our health insurance.<BR>I believe that your lawyers had some morals issues and he should have kept quiet. Our lawyer never did anything like that, in fact he reccomended us to pay more but not to request any visitation rights that way they cannot hold you accountable for anything else that is put on that piece of paper. That means that all you pay is what they say and that is it. <BR>Please do not feel guilty, I do not care how many counseling sessions somebody can have, I will NEVER accept the OC and I woudl never care for that OC. My daughter does not have to deal with her Father mistakes nor do I. That is how I see it. That OC has no father in my terms and the OW should have known that. I am sorry for that OC but I will never accept it. I rather be alone and loose my H before I accept that OC that only represents the BIGGEST heartache of my life. The OC is a representation in my eyes on how can somebody really ruin somebody eslses life and leave a scar that will last a lifetime. Sorry I am rambling but lately I have had so much anger against this whole issue. <BR>It has been almost two years of my knowledge of this and I just want to let you know that as much as you lear to deal with it, it feels like it was yesterday.<BR>fambis

Babstr:<P>I am so sorry you are under such pressure. Giving in to the demands of the evil and corrupt legal system is so hard to choke down when another person has already had the power to destroy your life as you have known it. On top of that, we are then forced to pay for the deliberate set-up of some pig who has absolutely no regard for what she has done to an entire family. <BR>She did not have the decency to give the child up for adoption, releasing everyone, including the child from a life without 'dad', finanical problems and a life without advantages. <BR>In fact, her actions cause our families to live without the advantages we all would have enjoyed had she had the decency to walk away as soon as she found out spouse had a wife.<P>The injustice of what we are all experiencing defies any logic. <BR>The "do-gooders" misplaced compassion for the OW and OC make me want to go screaming naked through the woods. <BR>They mewl about the "poor OC" when the OC could have had wonderful advantages and an outstanding life raised by two loving adults who long for a child. <BR>Why don't the "do-ggoders" complain about the lack of stability, financial security, disadvantages and the horrible stigma of being born a [censored] from an affair with a married man?<P>This crazy world makes no sense anymore and I am appalled and horrified that we have acquiesced so much power to these people in power who have a one size fits all solution instead of investigating the situation and penalizing the OW for her disgusting behavior. I realize they are looking at the welfare of the child, but in the child's best interest is adoption.<P>Catnip =^^=<P><BR>

I totally agree with you catnip.<BR>I feel like the book " why bad things happen to good people".<BR>I really feel that something is wrong and that the system should not work the way it works. The Wife and legitimate children should be the only ones to have any rights whatsoever. I really think if that was the case non of the OW would have Children. What really bothers me is that you and I know the truth the OW saw this OC as a money machine and a way to "teach us a lesson". How wrong can that be?<BR>Sometimes I feellike grabing a plane driving to the OW place but I do not want to see her face and I really do not want to see the OC face, I think it is better if I never know how they look like that way I do not care!<BR>fambis

Thank you everyone for writing. We got more bad news today, it looks like the job once again fell through. Here I was worried about having to move, and it isn't even going to happen. Even though we need it to so we can afford this. <P>I would give anything to live in the day where these woman were never treated as innocent. They used to stone women like that. You know what that lawyer said to me? I said that we didn't want my h's employers to know about this, his response, oh it's no big deal this common. How sad is that, that this considered common, and that no one is shocked. Well I don't know who he has been talking to, but everyone I know is shocked, and disgusted. <P>I am trying to hold on, but this week is hard. My best friend is afraid I will end up in the hospital. She said she knows how I am going to try to keep it all going, and then get a job, and take care of my daughter, and that sooner or later, I will crash. I am going to try to prevent that as much as possible. But what can one do when they are handed this plate. I hope the rest of you are having better weeks.<P>babstr

Babstr, Honey:<P>You are suffering from some kind of traumatic stress thing because os this. I am so sorry the job didn't work out for spouse.<P>I think you are quite a bit younger than I am and looking back, it was harder for me to deal with horrible disasterous problems back then than it is now. With age comes a cavalier attitude. What else can they do to me?<P>The attorney is an idiot and a blatant example of what is wrong with this society's mindset. He sounds like he's a Jerry Springer or Howard Stern fan! Those kind of people condone and deem it OK to live like rutting pigs, but we refuse to wallow in the filth with them. <P>Babstr, when God closes a door, He opens a window. There is a reason you husband did not get the job. There is something better and better suited just around the corner. Be patient, it will happen.<P>Catnip =^^=