Hello everyone!<BR>I am in a unset state at the present time. When I think I am on my way for recover, something comes up.<BR>This past week, I found two letters and a card for the OW for my H. The letter were the "I'm missing you and made reference to the times that they were together". H said that the OW cousin gave him the letters and father day card. (My H works out of town, over 14 hours away.) He said that he did not read them and that they mean nothing to him. He said that if they did he would have hide them.<BR>My H has had and is having a male problem. Also he shows little affection toward me, like touching, etc. He was trying at first. <BR>I have been trying to find out what the problem is, but he saids nothing. Now he is saying that I am forcing him to touch me, etc. This has me wondering about the letters and if there is any truth to them he said not. He looks at is as her being desprate.<BR>I also found out that the CS papers came because the OC turned a year and DSS filed for support, the OW did not.<BR>I am not sure of the relationship with my H or the feeling that I have.<BR>I hope that everyone will give me some wise words and problem solving.<P>ITS

ITS:<P>Don't get so discouraged...not yet. The first two years are the hardest. I sometimes struggle with these same weird withdrawal issues after 14 months and it is so unsettling.<P>I have noticed that the behavior that never used to bother me, the behavior I used to ignore, now sends up red flags and makes me instantly weepy, insecure and feeling isolated. The damage that has been done to us has caused us to be different. I for one, no longer feel as though I am the center of my husband's universe, where I had always felt like that for 18 years til the trouble started. During those 18 years, I trusted him completely and believed in my soul down to my shoes that he was incapable of the horrors he committed. Finding out how wrong I was has made me question everything and look for signs of new betrayal.<P>The strangest part is how remorseful and completely destroyed he is by what he has done. His guilt keeps him away from me and withdrawn. It has nothing to do with any OW, I am convinced of that. He just sees it all as so much damage and the journey to repair said damage is an overwhelming task and he wonders, I'm sure, if he is up for the challenge. They don't want to talk about it either...just to painful and they are not strong enough to face the destruction they have caused.<P>Your husband is probably telling you the truth. Even though he invited all this crap into your lives, now that he is moving on, he expects you to do the same. And if we cry, complain or are sad about it, they roll their eyes and groan "How long is it going to be before you trust me again and get over this?" <P>The fact is, is that it is their responsibility to help us get through this and unfortunately, they are not always tuned into doing so.<P>If you aren't filled with too much resentment from waiting and waiting for your husband to make the effort to repair the damage, try to do some Plan A...it works for me. The fallout from that is that sometimes I resent that I was the one who had to swallow my pride AGAIN and make the first move to connect..really, really pisses me off and depresses me. I know how you feel, however, I do know that once I have implemented lot's of Plan A goodies, i.e., warmth, sweetness, love, compassion and complying, complying, complying, my husband is suddenly crazy about me showing me all kinds of affection, wanting to be close, caring about how I feel, calling me during the day while he's at work...but, it's a lot of work. I guess it depends how much effort you want to put into it. Out OW the OW.<P>Catnip =^^=<P>