This is the first day that I've seen this page and I have posted several replies to others. Right now I am crying like I have never cried before, trying to punch these letters on the keyboard.<BR>As I've stated in other replies, I've just found out last week that the ow that my H had an affair lat October had a BABY GIRL a week before that. My H knew a couple of days before he told me but lied and acted like he didn't know he was all of a sudden nervous and depressed. The OW called him (and he says he doesn't know how she got the number) and told him she had a girl. Yall my world that I was so desperately trying to build back with my husband has crumbled again!!!! And on top of that he has been lying about our finances and everything has just flipped. Why?!! WHy do they have the child knowing what it took for them to get pregnant!! My husband was a substitute teacher and she was one of his PARENTS!@!!! How sick is that?!!?!?!? I am a teacher and I can't actually see myself getting pregnant by one of my student's fathers. That's screwing with that child in my class!! And this is what he did to one of his students. I am so afraid to even try to think about tests, and child support. .. .. . . . HELL I DON'T EVER WANT TO BE INVOLVED WITH THAT!<P>The pain is soooo deep it's hard for me to contain i, but I try to be strong because ever since the OW, not my husband, let the "cat out of the bag" and told me everything, he has been trying everything under the sun to make it work.<BR>I just don't know what to do. I can't deal with another child. A child that's innocent, yet is a manifestation of him sleepin unprotected with one of his PARENTS that he knew for about 2 weeks. He had her believing that he was getting a divorce and stuff. Hell she was probably just as hurt as me, a little stupid to what she did, but she did believe in that pipe dream he told her. There can't be anything worse than this in a marriage except AIDS. The rest of my life I'll have to live with he got somebody pregnant during our marriage. I'm just hurting so much right now I can't describe it. He hasn't had a paternity test done and she hasn't contacted him, that I know of, since she told him she had a baby. Now I'm in the state of Texas. Does anybody know if she has the right to put his name on the child's birth certificate? And what does Texas say about child support?

Maddie,<BR>I'm so sorry that you are going thru this.<BR>I know it's a horrible place to be. <BR>Is the ow married? Because if she is it's<BR>my understanding that there's a presumption<BR>of paternity (for her H) and her H name <BR>would go on birth cert. That's what happened<BR>in our case. No test for us either.<BR>I dont know about Texas law though. <BR>Just know that you are not alone.<BR>My thoughts and prayers are with you.<BR>God bless.I'll write more when I have more<BR>time...<BR> <BR>

Dear, I am so very sorry to hear of your predicament. I had horrible nightmares of that happening after I knew of my H's affair. I had to wait out several months before I was sure that there was no pregnancy. Even if there was protection, it could happen.<P>I feel your pain but you do not have to feel too sorry for the other woman because she knew he was married and she went ahead without protection. Whether he was happily married or not, OW should not go ahead until he was divorced if that is what she wanted. <P>Please take care of your 'mess' by focusing on what you want for the future and your life. Your H really let you down and the OW had the nerve to call you. What did she want? You H?<P>Best to sit down with a counsellor (you and your H) to sort through the whole thing. Whether you want him back, whether you want him back, and other questions that you want answers to.<P>I hope you take care of yourself and pray to Him above whose Grace is sufficient.<P>God bless you<BR>weep

Welcome MaddieR<BR>My heart goes out to you. The beginning of this nightmare is so very deep and painful and you just wish this whole thing never was.<BR>Unfortunately Maddie you must deal with the situation. If you decide to give this marriage a chance then it must be on your terms. Your H must have a DNA test so you know with certainty that he is the father. <BR>MaddieR you have found the right place we all know exactly what you feel and will supply you with support, empathy and advice. Welcome and live day by day, its the only way to get through this. You will be in my prayers.

Maddie,<BR>I'm so sorry you are in our situation, but you came to the right place for support. The beginning especially, I remember well, is a time of incredibly great huge stress and grief. Your whole world is blown apart. I hope you get counseling and read books on recovery from affairs. We like "After the Affair" by Janis Abrams Spring. My H and I are 2 years into recovery now!! And doing great. I even forgot that Dday had passed until later! I don't regret my decision to stay in my marriage, though I wouldn't wish this situation on anyone (except maybe the XOW-hehe). It is critical that the cheater be dedicated to doing what is necessary for saving your relationship.<P>Please do some really nice things for yourself during this difficult time... like bubblebaths, long walks, watch sunsets or water whatever relaxes you. <P>Hugs,<BR>Jenny

MaddieR,<BR> I am so sorry to hear about this for you. I am awaiting the birth of my H's supposed OC, due in November. From what I understand, she may be able to put your H's name on the birth certificate, if she is not married. Most hospitals won't allow that without the H's signature, though, but i may be wrong. I don't think they will actually put your H's name on unless there has been DNA paternity established. I am no lawyer, though, and I could be wrong. Post your question on a legal advice bulletin board, like freeadvice.com, and maybe then you can get a better answer. I won't know what all they can do for sure until after this baby is born. If you do post on freeadvice, make sure that you include the state you live in on your post, so they can look up the laws there and answer you. IAAL is good at coming up with answers regarding this type of thing, and he is a lawyer. Hope something here helps you. Be strong.

maddieR, hi again. so sorry you have to be here with us. here in AZ, you can't have the name on the birth certificate until there is DNA testing, unless of course your H signs it voluntarily. which he shouldn't do. don't let this go. it will only be worse later if she decides to go after child support. find out if he is the father and get it done legally. we naively believed the OW when she said she wanted nothing. well, she lied, and now we are going to court. it is not fun.<P>take care, and glad you found us. it is a great place here.<P>happy_girl

MaddieR: I feel for you in so many ways you can't imagine. I too am awaiting OC. Due in February. I am trying to stay in my marriage however every week it gets increasingly more difficult. The betrayal and continued pain that is inflicted makes running away more and more attractive.<P>The pain you are experiencing can not be explained in any humanly way. As you said this child is an innocent victim. But will be a contant reminder of the most painful time of your life. I do believe it can be overcome. With our without the child being involved in your lives, although it would be easier without.<P>It is very important for you to take things very slowly. Take care of yourself during this time. You are experiencing a pain so overwhelming it could take out an entire army. Go slow. Be good to yourself. And most of all don't lose perspective that no matter what happens you will pick your head up again and you will be happy and loved by more people than you ever knew. Use this tradegy as your strength. You have much to offer and don't deserve to waste your valuable resources on anyone who doesn't see that.<P>I wish we lived closer. I wish I could be there for you. I'm sure I'll be needing someone come February. I hope you have a special friend to put their arms around you and make you feel safe. Things will get better. I believe these things happen to the strongest people. Because they are the only ones who could survive. And you will. I'm thinking of you. I'll be around if you need to talk. I'll be thinking of you for a long time to come. This is a hard time. Please take care of yourself. I'm worried about you.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Lost Soulmate<P>"Character is doing what's right, when no one is looking"

Hi MaddieR,<BR>Welcome to the board. I'm glad that you found us. You will find this be a wonderful support system. <P>I know the pain that you are feeling. As others have mentioned, you need to really take care of yourself right now. I think I took more bubble baths that first few months than I have in my whole life! I know that this doesn't help much, but the pain does get easier and the tears lessen as time goes by. Take it one day at a time right now. You need to focus on healing yourself and your marriage. <P>Please tell us more about you. Do you and your H have any kids together? My H and I have 3 children. The OC was born 1 year ago. We are slowly but surely recovering our marriage. <P>I'm not too far from you in Texas. My H and I worked things out with the XOW without going through the courts. You can look under the Texas Attorney General's website (http://www.oag.state.tx.us) for information about establishing paternity. Your H would have to sign an Acknowledgement of Paternity form to be added to the birth certificate (and, if the OW is married, her H would have to sign a Denial of Paternity form). As far as child support goes, I found a website that has a chart (http://easttexlaw.com). The amount of child support is based on net income. The number of children you and your H have is accounted for in the amount you have to pay. It is 20% if there are no other kids involved. For us, it is 14.75% since we have 3 children of our own.<P>Take care of yourself.<BR>Audrey

Maddie R, KT,Jen,Audrey, Lost, Happy Girl. <P>I've only found this board in the last few days. I posted for the first time tonight. I'm happy I've found a place to associate with others in my situation, but am sad that you all are hurting as I am. I know the pain you are feeling because my H had a 7 month affair starting on internet and becoming up close and personal and there is a baby coming. Hope to get to know you all a little better and wish there was something I could do for each and every one of you. Thanks for listening. My prayers are with you all. <P>JandJ'sMom

Dear Maddie:<BR>Like everybody here in the board I also feel for you, however if it makes you feel better, please know that what you wrote last night , was exactly the same way I felt. It is a horrible thing and it does make you sick to your stomach. Please know that it does get better.<BR>You and your H need to talk about your future and about what do you want. You do not have to take this child in your life if you do not want to, or you can that should be your decision. The first thing your H should do though is get legal help and do everything by the book. Do not take that OW word and do not give, sign or do anything unless is in writing. Please be careful a lot of people have gotten in trouble because they believed the OW word. He should immediately take action, find out about the law, and as soon as they establish the paternity (if he is the father) he should start paying CS, because if you guys wait CS can add up and can get yolu in financial trouble.<BR>Anyways we are here to answer any question you have, <BR>FAMBIS.