after leaving our church for a couple of years we found our selves in the swingers lifestyle. It was my (husband) pushing that got us there, but once involved she really took off with it. Well about a year ago we decedid that we new better and stopped playing around and pornography and sex clubs. We began returnung to God and asked for forgiveness and now enjoy the best realation ship with God we have ever had. My wife and I early in our life together enjoyed a very healthy romantic life. since getting back on the right track again our sex life is almost none existant. She says when she is exited she has flash back to swinging memorys and feels so ashamed that she loses all interest. She says she feels bad and wants to please me but can't. I feel bad because it was my idea in the begining. I have been reading His Needs Her Needs and have tried to be sure that I meet her needs but still nothing. Between life expierences and now strong faith I battle the wandering eye. My salvation is worth more... But this is really getting frusterating.. Has anyone been down this road...any advise for a man who loves his wife and will do anything to make our life healthy aqain..

MKE,
I feel for you, but I also have to say you are smarter and luckier than I have been. There are a few of us here who have walked your path, not many, but some. I say your smarter because you stopped it using your own free will, not because of a tragic event. I say your luckier because I'm now loosing my wife to a partner of ours, who was also supposed to be my best friend.

Unfortunately I don't have much advise. I can say my wife and I both struggle with tremendous guilt and shame as well. But, she is unwilling to try to work on our marriage, she just wants out.

Let me give you some advise my IC gave me; it's hard but it's very true. Stop blaming yourself. Yes, it may have been your idea, but she was a big girl and could have said NO at any time. I expect you are dealing with your own guilt, and trying to take on hers as well. Her guilt is her guilt and she has to own up to it, you cannot take it on for her. Don't know if this makes any sense to you, if not let me know and I'll try to explain more.

You may try to get into the General Questions II forum if you haven't already, it gets a lot more traffic than here. Best of luck to you, and I'm sorry for your pain, but count the blessings you have.

Hi Mike,
I'm ashamed to admit, but been down the sharing road as well. Mine started and ended all within the last year. She had and affair Sep/Oct 2001 that I discovered in a way I wish I hadn't. I blamed my self for it, because prior to this I had constatntly encouraged experimenting, as long as it was not outside the relationship. After her affair, I felt very insecure. I assumed she would continue to be curious now that she had experienced someone else, so we played with fire twice. Both times I felt so guilty for encouriging this and cried terribly as I asked Christ to forgive me for involving her with my sickness. We have since given this up and still find joy in one another. I still fell guilty from time to time and continue to question her loyalty (constantly feel as though she is going to stray)
but I renew my trust in her thru the strength in Christ. It is not easy. Hope you find your solution. All things are possible through Christ!

MKE,
I've posted a couple of links in your post on GQII, one to here so maybe it'll get you some more traffic, a few to some of my threads I thought might help.