Hey guys, thanks for the encouraging words and the welcome back to the group. I appreciated it...Right now, things have been pretty crazy in my life. I honestly think I am headed for that major mental breakdown...<BR>You guys asked for an update so, here it goes......<BR>Me:<BR>I had a very bad flare-up with the lupus.<BR>I ended up in the hospital for almost an entire week..When the Lupus gets like this, it flares up all the other health conditions I have (Crohn's Disease, etc.).<BR>It is like living in a nightmare, where you can't wake up from it. It reached a point where walking became very hard to do (unless I am HEAVILY medicated). The doctors feel that within a week or so, it should improve.<BR>I am not that optimistic.....Unfortunately, because the Crohn's Disease acted up, the doctors decided to torture me even more by doing a colonoscopy (I also have a STRONG history of Colon cancer in my family). To make matters worse, when they did that test they found 4 adenymous(sp?) polyps. So, I am waiting on what to do next in that area. You know the saying, when it rains, it pours.....<P>The Twins:<BR>When I was in the hospital, my friends took the boys to stay with them. I adore and trust them with my childrens lives, and I KNOW they love them with all of their heart. Unfortunately, these friends HATE xMM with a passion. So, needless to say the fireworks were popping while I was "incarcerated"(I like to use that word because being in the hospital feels like prison to me!). <BR>When the boys were with them, they told their father that he could see them, BUT, they wanted notice, etc. XMM figured that they aren't the parent and who are they?!?!?It turned into a BAD situation....The boys are safe but, I am now dealing with a VERY angry<BR>xMM, and his W is becoming very psycho to say the least. Which leads me to my last "update".<P>xMM & W<BR>Well, the twins "placement" created chaos.<BR>XMM got his undies in an uproar, threatened me with a custody fight,etc.,while I am in the hospital no less. Scared the living pee out of me. Not what I needed right now.<BR>I think it is his way to try to keep me under his control,etc. He is STILL trying to get back with me and is generally making my life VERY hellish.....<BR>When I got out of the hospital, one of my friends stayed with me to help me until I got back on my feet. I thought everything was going o.k. with the boys and thier father (he was visiting them again WITHOUT me being there) until I started getting nasty phone calls at 3:00 in the morning. It seems xMM is out partying, etc.<BR>W AUTOMATICALLY assumes he is with me and is now in psycho mode. Thanks goodness my girlfriend is still staying with me. <BR>It has been made real clear that xMM is not over here (HECK when W did a drive by at 11:30pm my friend invited her in while I was sleeping), and is NOT welcome here when I am around, etc. <BR>It seems xMM is drinking heavily and not going home until 2:30 or 3:00am. I know the owner of the bar he hangs out. I told W to go there and check it out. So, how knows what is happening there............<P>All in all my life is pretty much in a shambles right now. I am dealing with my health problems, dealing with a possible custody battle (even though I know he won't get custody), dealing with a drunk,lunatic x-lover who WON"T leave me alone, and dealing with a very hurt,angry,suspisious and generally mentally unbalanced W to boot.<BR>Life just stinks....................<BR>At least I am finally on some good anti-depressants so even though all of this is happening, I can still smile and feel numb..<P>I'll try to post more later. I am trying to get the boys ready to start school Wednesday......Hope all is well with everyone. Keep smiling guys. hug, you spouses, children etc. be thankful for all you have, o.k.<P>PEACE TO ALL OF YOU........<P><BR>

Duranie:<P>Your life sounds as tumultuous as mine is. Instead of health problems, I have legal problems and huge financial issues. But, we both have a tsunami of ISSUES and horrible things happening.<P>The xMM sounds so unstable and his obsession is the basis for his wife's insane behavior. She could/would be fairly reasonable if she didn't suspect her husband was emotionally connected to you, desired you or was obsessed with you.<P>The children are the first priority and your xMM's behavior is not in the best interest of your boys. What is he thinking crating all this upheaval when you are ill and hospitalized? I swear, I will never understand the selfishness of people. how they can create all kinds of angst and hardship for others for their own selfish desires, whatever they are.<P>How often does xMM see the boys? Does he have regular visitation? If he does not pay support and if he is unbalanced and a practicing alcoholic, I find it hard to beleive you have anything to worry about with the courts. I can't imagine any court in the world turning over your boys to such a dysfunctional couple...one of whom is in so much pain you would have to worry about her treatment of your boys.<P>Do you have family who can look after your boys if you become ill again?<P>How is your health now? Are you getting better? I am so glad you posted again, we were all worried about you.<P>Duranie, in the face of all you are dealing with at this time in your life, I hope you will seek counsel to protect you and the boys from these outrageous and frightening outbursts. This behavior is completely unacceptable. Do you have a will? Do you have family?<P>Stay strong and get well. Focus on your health and your sons. School will offer a stabilizing factor in their lives. <P>I'm so sorry for all your trials. What a mess.<P>Catnip =^^=

Hi Catnip! Boy do we(as does everyone else on this board) have a tsunami(I like that word!)<BR>of crap heaped on us. <BR>I agree with you in regards to the W's behavior. A BIG part of me doesn't blame her at all. But, there is another part of me that has moved on and is TRYING VERY HARD to let go of this. I do still love him as horrid as that sounds. I just don't like him. Does that make sense? It stinks for ALL concerned although I am sure it is far worse on her than anyone else in this situation. I have done everything I can to help "asuure" her that there is ZERO contact with her H and myself.<BR>The fact of the matter is that xMM is BAD NEWS....I was not the only one he cheated on her with (she DOESN'T know this fact). He drinks like a fish, and he gets obsessed easily. He is just as obsessed with his W and their stiuitaion as he is with me and ours (or lackthere of).<BR>xMM sees his kids whenever he wants to SO LONG as W knows about it. She drops him off,etc. I have told her that if he shows up unannounced i would call her and let her know (without him knowing that I called her). I have done that TWICE...<BR>Right now I am trying to maintain my sanity as best as I can. It is hard when these 2 yahoos are playing their games.....<BR>At this stage I just don't know anymore. In the last year W has slashed my tires twice, threatened the twins on more than one occasion. Done physical harm to the oldest twin, called and harassed me MULTIPLES OF TIME,etc. I have done nothing but accept that I deserve this because of my actions.<BR>I know they would never get custody, but, it scares me because of my health problems..<BR>It is indeed a mess........

Duranie,<BR>I'm so sorry for your continued health problems. I too feel like hospitals are jails and am a big believer in alternative therapies, such as acupuncture, chiropractors, nutritional therapy etc. whenever possible. If you believe in the mind-body connection, the upheaval in your life contributes to your health problems. So sorry you're in this awful mess.<P>I know you have considered restraining order against the MM. With his current behavior, I'd consider it again! And maybe one on the wife too! It sounds like you have witnesses to support you on this. He sounds like a truly unsafe person to have around children until he gets SOBER, in a recovery program. What kind of role model can he be to your sons? I think the courts would back you up here, based on his behavior alone. I know the courts consider visitation and ch-support separate issues, and they favor the parent who will allow children relationship with BOTH parents, but they will limit visitation when the parent is acting erratically, etc.--maybe require SUPERVISED visitation. Just something to consider. Do you have any counselor in your life? Maybe a professional opinion on this would help you get better boundaries with the "kooks"! And legal advice, too. I hope you get your friends or family listed as the persons who get custody of your sons if you should die or be incapacitated in some way... with your health problems, that's really important. The MM won't like it, but I still think the legals will be on your side...<P>Forgive me for going on and on; take what works and leave the rest! I'm just really wishing you and your boys the best...<P>Jenny

Duranie,<BR> Sad to hear about all that is going on with you. All the stress that they are putting on you is not good for your health. I agree that you should put a restraining order on them. If they threaten court, remind them that they made the agreement with you early on about support and visitation, and were they to drag you to court, it would probably end up negating the previous agreement, much to their financial detrement if you wanted to push it. The threat may be enough. They can't have it both ways, saying they want something, but then saying they have an agreement at the same time. It sounds like they were loonies before this ever happened, I really feel for you having to deal with all you have to in addition to those two. I hope things get better for you, and I am glad that you are back. Take care.