JL, K, Catnip and all:<P>I wanted to let you know that I really appreciate your help, support and advise in a time that I really needed it. My H & I have been going to our counselor and things are going as well as can be expected.<P>My H is adjusting much better now that some time has passed and with counseling we found much more distance between us than either of us knew, which, my counselor & I working one on one came to the conclusion why this affair happened. Both my H & I know that we can repair the damages and go on. It is just a matter of getting through day by day. It will be a lot of hard work, but with honesty we can get there.<P>My H is trying to accept the baby and we've told his family and some of our friends that I am pregnant. Everyone has been so happy and supportive that I think that has both helped my husband and also been hard for him. We are both still having a hard time with the fact that my mistake has cost us a lot and that this time should be so happy and joyous instead of difficult and painstaking.<P>I do know that we love each other very much and I know that I have to realize that he cannot make me happy every day of my life, that is my responsibility. So, while I know it will take time to gain his trust back, I know that we can do it and I can be trust worthy.<P>I just wanted to thank you again everyone for your support. You have quite a group!<P>(old slothwoman)<BR>now: Positive Outlook <P>

Hi Positive,<P>I'm glad that you're both doing a bit better---the shock can take some time to get over.<P>One thing in your post that I wanted to point out to you:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I know that I have to realize that he cannot make me happy every day of my life, that is my responsibility.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Ultimately, your happiiness is "your" responsibility. But don't forget that you can be the source of your spouse's greatest happiness (or greatest unhappiness). One of the ways to "exercise" this responsibility is to learn the Four Rules for a Successful Marriage, and continually practice Protection, Care, Complete Honesty, and Spending Time with one another. If you get those lessons down, everything else will fall into place.<P> <P>God bless!

K,<P>Thanks and you are right. One of the best things that has happened to my H & I this past few weeks is that we are spending time together again. The care that we are taking of one another also has been forgotten and it is nice to have for each other again. We have both said how it seems like we've been asleep for the past year and now it is like we've awoken and are falling in love again. I know it will take a lot of work to keep it this way and we have made some committments to each other and our marriage to eliminate some of the things that were causing our seperation.<P>Thanks as always for your insight. I also wonder if you & your wife have talked at all about what you plan to tell the baby when he (?) grows up? Do you plan to be honest about the fact that he was conceived from an affair? Or what?? We have talked a lot about this in the past few days as we are telling family & friends and wonder what would be best for the child. Did you & your wife tell your family & friends how your child was conceived? <P>thanks again,<P>Positive Outlook

Hi Postive Outlook,<P>Like the new name. First, I still would counsel you to get a DNA test. From what you originally posted, there is a possibility that the baby is your H's. Wouldn't that be a nice icing on the cake?<P>I am glad that you are getting along better. Please be aware that your H will go through a lot of ups and downs. Your own hormones will be getting a little nutty after awhile, but please pay attention to H. As time comes closer and you are really showing this will be hard on him I suspect.<P>As for telling your child, I have no good advice. I am sure there are advice books on this subject. I believe I mentioned to you earlier but I will mention it again. There used to be a lady who posted here who faced this issue with her 18 year old D. Go search the archives for "LTaylor". <P>In fact read all of her postings. She was a very knowledgeable woman and gave great advice. But go read her story and you might get some idea of the issues facing you.<P>It is so good that you and H are getting together on this thing. Keep posting and <P>God Bless You and Your H,<P>JL